Section 2
In the evening Holsten went out again.
He walked to Saint Paul’s Cathedral, and stood
for a time near the door listening to the evening
service. The candles upon the altar reminded him
in some odd way of the fireflies at Fiesole.
Then he walked back through the evening lights to
Westminster. He was oppressed, he was indeed scared,
by his sense of the immense consequences of his discovery.
He had a vague idea that night that he ought not to
publish his results, that they were premature, that
some secret association of wise men should take care
of his work and hand it on from generation to generation
until the world was riper for its practical application.
He felt that nobody in all the thousands of people
he passed had really awakened to the fact of change,
they trusted the world for what it was, not to alter
too rapidly, to respect their trusts, their assurances,
their habits, their little accustomed traffics and
hard-won positions.
He went into those little gardens
beneath the over-hanging, brightly-lit masses of the
Savoy Hotel and the Hotel Cecil. He sat down on
a seat and became aware of the talk of the two people
next to him. It was the talk of a young couple
evidently on the eve of marriage. The man was
congratulating himself on having regular employment
at last; ’they like me,’ he said, ’and
I like the job. If I work up—in’r
dozen years or so I ought to be gettin’ somethin’
pretty comfortable. That’s the plain sense
of it, Hetty. There ain’t no reason whatsoever
why we shouldn’t get along very decently—very
decently indeed.’
The desire for little successes amidst
conditions securely fixed! So it struck upon
Holsten’s mind. He added in his diary, ’I
had a sense of all this globe as that….’
By that phrase he meant a kind of
clairvoyant vision of this populated world as a whole,
of all its cities and towns and villages, its high
roads and the inns beside them, its gardens and farms
and upland pastures, its boatmen and sailors, its
ships coming along the great circles of the ocean,
its time-tables and appointments and payments and
dues as it were one unified and progressive spectacle.
Sometimes such visions came to him; his mind, accustomed
to great generalisations and yet acutely sensitive
to detail, saw things far more comprehensively than
the minds of most of his contemporaries. Usually
the teeming sphere moved on to its predestined ends
and circled with a stately swiftness on its path about
the sun. Usually it was all a living progress
that altered under his regard. But now fatigue
a little deadened him to that incessancy of life,
it seemed now just an eternal circling. He lapsed
to the commoner persuasion of the great fixities and
recurrencies of the human routine. The remoter
past of wandering savagery, the inevitable changes
of to-morrow were veiled, and he saw only day and night,
seed-time and harvest, loving and begetting, births
and deaths, walks in the summer sunlight and tales
by the winter fireside, the ancient sequence of hope
and acts and age perennially renewed, eddying on for
ever and ever, save that now the impious hand of research
was raised to overthrow this drowsy, gently humming,
habitual, sunlit spinning-top of man’s existence….
For a time he forgot wars and crimes
and hates and persecutions, famine and pestilence,
the cruelties of beasts, weariness and the bitter wind,
failure and insufficiency and retrocession. He
saw all mankind in terms of the humble Sunday couple
upon the seat beside him, who schemed their inglorious
outlook and improbable contentments. ’I
had a sense of all this globe as that.’
His intelligence struggled against
this mood and struggled for a time in vain. He
reassured himself against the invasion of this disconcerting
idea that he was something strange and inhuman, a loose
wanderer from the flock returning with evil gifts
from his sustained unnatural excursions amidst the
darknesses and phosphorescences beneath the fair surfaces
of life. Man had not been always thus; the instincts
and desires of the little home, the little plot, was
not all his nature; also he was an adventurer, an
experimenter, an unresting curiosity, an insatiable
desire. For a few thousand generations indeed
he had tilled the earth and followed the seasons,
saying his prayers, grinding his corn and trampling
the October winepress, yet not for so long but that
he was still full of restless stirrings.
‘If there have been home and
routine and the field,’ thought Holsten, ‘there
have also been wonder and the sea.’
He turned his head and looked up over
the back of the seat at the great hotels above him,
full of softly shaded lights and the glow and colour
and stir of feasting. Might his gift to mankind
mean simply more of that? . . .
He got up and walked out of the garden,
surveyed a passing tram-car, laden with warm light,
against the deep blues of evening, dripping and trailing
long skirts of shining reflection; he crossed the Embankment
and stood for a time watching the dark river and turning
ever and again to the lit buildings and bridges.
His mind began to scheme conceivable replacements
of all those clustering arrangements. . . .
‘It has begun,’ he writes
in the diary in which these things are recorded.
’It is not for me to reach out to consequences
I cannot foresee. I am a part, not a whole; I
am a little instrument in the armoury of Change.
If I were to burn all these papers, before a score
of years had passed, some other man would be doing
this. . .