I
Alexina, although she would have found
it impossible, even if she had so desired, to relapse
into the incognitance of the years preceding her mother’s
death, had nevertheless locked and sealed and cellared
her ivory tower, those depths of her nature where,
she suspected, her true ego dwelt. It was an
ego she had forfeited the right to indulge, nor had
she at this time any desire to know more of herself
than she did. Life after all was very pleasant;
she managed to fill it with many little and even a
few absorbing interests; and once she spent a month
at Santa Barbara chaperoning Janet Maynard, where
her duties sat lightly upon her and she would have
responded naturally if addressed as Miss Groome, so
completely did Mortimer fade into the background.
In the summer of nineteen-thirteen Judge Lawton and
Aileen overcame all protests and took her with them
to Europe, where, after a month in Paris, she visited
Olive de Morsigny in her renaissance château on the
Loire. The memory of Gathbroke revisited her
and she half-wished the Judge would go to England,
but the climate did not agree with him, and after
a few more enchanted weeks, in Italy and Spain, she
returned to Mortimer, who was distinctly duller than
ever.
But she had reconciled herself long
since to the dullness of her life-partner; he could
not help it and she had willfully married him in the
face of as imposing a phalanx of family and friendly
opposition as ever attempted to stand between a girl
and her fate.
Nevertheless, immediately after her
return from Santa Barbara in the late autumn of nineteen-eleven,
and wholly without, analysis or pondering, she made
a significant change in the order of her life.
Mortimer, who had, during her absence, occupied a
large room at the back of the house visited by the
afternoon sun, found himself invited to retain it….They
must avoid the least possibility of a family until
they were better off….She had been hearing the subject
discussed…the most economical baby cost fifty dollars
a month. With a permanent trained nurse, and of
course they would have one, the cost would easily
be doubled…thousands were required for the proper
education of a child…even if she had girls she should
wish them to go to college; she was not half educated
herself…and boys, with their extravagances, their
debts, they cost a mint; it was better for children
to be born outright in the humbler classes than to
be born into a rich set without riches themselves…it
all put her in a panic every time she thought of it….Morty
was so sensible and had such a high sense of responsibility,
of course he understood…children, even when small,
would hamper him fearfully, especially as he had not
even begun to make his million….As for herself she
would be more economical than ever and help him like
the good pal she was.
Mortimer had the sensation of being
trussed up with invisible but inflexible silken thongs.
His thoughts need not be recorded.
II
Alexina refurnished her bedroom in
her favorite periwinkle blue; a low graceful day-bed
with a screen before the stationary washstand helped
to create the atmosphere of a boudoir. It had
an intensely personal atmosphere in which man, more
particularly a lawful husband, had no place.
When Alexina stood on the threshold
and surveyed this room, chaste, cool, proud, and exquisitely
lovely, she lifted her hand and blew off a kiss, out
of the window, wafting away the memory of the room
as it had been. She had remarkable powers of
obliteration, a sort of River of Lethe among the backwaters
of her mind, where she held below the surface all she
wished to forget until it ceased to struggle.
She never again gave a thought to her early relationship
with her husband; not even to the indifference or
distaste which had followed so quickly upon her curiosity
and her determination to feel romantic at all costs.
III
Subtly she felt she was happier than
she had ever been even in those first weeks, when
she had barred the gates of her fool’s paradise
behind her; she felt as free and happy as the birds
skimming over the beds of periwinkle below her window,
and (miraculously finding her second youth quite as
productive as her first) took no pains to conceive
of anything better. She looked neither forward
nor back, and all was well.
She even flirted a little, that being
the fashion, and, having had enough of business men,
encouraged the devotions of Bascom Luning and Jimmie
Thorne. She saw them when they chose to call in
the daytime, and regaled the glowering Mortimer at
the dinner table with scraps of their sapience.
Mortimer had resigned himself long
since to the sacrifice of several of his bourgeois
ambitions, among them to be master in his own house;
but not an iota of his convictions. Although
it would not have occurred to him to distrust his
wife if she had chosen to sit up all night with a man,
he made frozen comments upon the impropriety of a
woman having men in the house when her husband was
not there, sitting out dances with men, taking long
tramps through Marin County with three men and no one
for chaperon but Alice Thorndyke and Janet Maynard—shocking
flirts—whole Sundays—with lunch
heaven knew where, and himself, who hated tramping,
not included.
But these grim remonstrances were
met in so gay a spirit of badinage that he felt ridiculous,
particularly as no powers of badinage or of repartee
had been included in his own mental equipment; and
he usually relapsed into a polite and bored silence.
He never had had much to say at the
dinner table when they were alone, and, as time went
on, his comments on the day were exhausted before the
soup had given place to the entrée, and Alexina fell
into the habit of bringing her Italian text-book to
the table—the study of Italian just then
being the rage in her set—and whatever
interesting book she had on hand. Mortimer made
no protest. His brain was fagged at night.
It was a relief not to be expected to talk when they
dined alone; those long silences had been oppresive
even to him; he rather welcomed the books.