I
During the retreat from Mons and again
in those black days of March, nineteen-eighteen, Gathbroke’s
tormented mind snapped from the present and flashed
on its screen so startling a resurrection of himself
during those last dreadful days in San Francisco that
for the moment he was unconscious of the world crashing
about him.
He saw himself in long days and nights
of anguish and despair, of embittered love and baffled
passion: youth enjoying one of its divine prerogatives
and the fullness thereof!
Pacing the floor of his room on Russian
Hill, tramping over the mountains across the Bay,
doggedly awaiting that sole alleviation of mental suffering
in its early stages, a change of scene.
Finally the Hofer car was placed at
his disposal and he started on his four days’
journey to New York; and this brief chapter, that his
friends thought so gruesome, was the least of his
afflictions. The memory of his twenty-four hours
or more of close physical association with his sister’s
corpse made any subsequent adventure with the dead
seem tame. And at least he was leaving behind
him a State which seemed to have magnetized him across
six thousand miles to experience the horror and misery
she had in pickle for him. He reveled in the
audible rush of the train that was carrying him farther
every moment from the girl who had cut down into the
core of his heart and left her indelible image on a
remarkably good memory.
II
He had asked himself one day—it
was his last in California and he had taken his courage
in his teeth and was on his way to call on Gora Dwight
at last, picking his steps through, the still smoking
ruins down to Van Ness Avenue—whether it
would be possible for any man to suffer twice in a
lifetime as he had suffered since that hideous moment
at Rincona, coming as it did on top of an uncommon
and terrible experience that had racked his nerves
and soul as it might not have done had he been seasoned
by war or even a few years older. At all events
it had left him with no reserves even in his pride
to fight his failure and his loss.
In that shrieking hell of August twenty-sixth,
or again when lying abandoned and gassed in a way-side
hut during that ominous retreat of the Fifth Army,
when he had a sudden close vision of himself, trousers
tucked into a pair of Gwynne’s hunting boots,
swearing now and again as he stepped on a hot brick;
and heard his groping ego whisper the question through
his prostrate mind, he was tempted to answer aloud,
to shout “No” above the shrieking of shells
and the groans of men fallen about him.
He might no longer love Alexina Groome
after twelve or even eight years of complete severance;
and, indeed, save in flashing moments like these he
had seldom thought of her after the first two or three
years; but at least she had taken the edge from his
power to suffer.
He had lost his mother soon after
his return with the body of her youngest child, his
father had died three years later, and he had accepted
these griefs with the composure of maturity.
Although he had had some agreeable adventures (not
that he had had much time for either women or society)
he had taken devilish good care not to get in too deep—even
if he still possessed the power to love at all, which
he doubted.
He remembered also, what he had almost
forgotten, that during that walk it had come to him
with the sharpness of surprise that the image of the
girl who clung to his mind with the tentacles of a
devil-fish, was as he had seen her standing under
the oak tree while unaware of his presence: older,
a more dignified and thoughtful figure, a woman old
enough to be his mate in something more than youthful
passion, the ideal woman of vague sweet dreams; not
as the thoughtless little coquette who had tempted
him to ruin his chances by acting like a cave brute.
Given a fortnight longer, during which
he remained master of himself instead of a young fool
with a smashed temperament, and the unfledged woman
in her, whose subtle projection he had witnessed during
that moment of his capitulation, would have recognized
him as her mate; as for the moment she had in his
arms.
Not the least of his ordeals during
those last days was the inevitable call on Gora Dwight.
He felt like a cad, after what she had been to him
at the end of an appalling experience, to have let,
nearly three weeks go by with no apparent recognition
of her existence. But he had been unable to find
a messenger, there was no post; and then, after his
ill-starred visit to Rincona, he had forgotten her
until his final visit to the undertaker; when she
had seemed to stand, an indignant and reproachful figure,
at the head of the casket.
III
He had a note in his pocket and hoped
she would be out. But she opened the door herself,
and her dark face, thinner than he recalled it, flushed
and then turned pale. But she said calmly as
she extended her hand: “Come in. I
wondered what had become of you.” “I’m
sorry. But—perhaps—you can
understand—it was not easy for me to come
here!”
“Of course. Come up to my diggings.”
He followed her up to the attic studio,
where as before he took the easy chair and accepted
one of her cigarettes; which he professed to be grateful
for as his were exhausted and every decent brand in
town had gone up in smoke.
Gora was deeply disappointed that
she had received no warning of his call, for she possessed
an extremely becoming and richly embroidered silk Chinese
costume, as red as the flames that had devoured Chinatown
a few days after she had bought it at a bankrupt sale.
She had put it on every afternoon for a week, hoping
and expecting that he would call; and now that she
had on her second-best tailored suit, and a darned
if immaculate shirtwaist, he had chosen to turn, up!...But
at least the lapels of the jacket had recently been
faced with red, and it curved closely over her beautiful
bust. Moreover, she had just finished rearranging
the masses of her rich brown hair when the bell rang.
And she had him for a time, perhaps
for an hour! She set out the tea things as an
intimation of the refreshment he would get at the proper
time….
She too had suffered during this past
interminable fortnight, but Gora was far more mature
than the young Englishman, upon whom life until the
last few weeks had smiled so persistently. She
was too complex, she had suffered in too many ways,
from too many causes, not all of them elevating, to
be capable upon so short a notice, even after a night
of unique companionship, of such whole-souled agony
and despair. In her imagination, her sense of
drama, her vanity, in the fading of vague dazzling
hopes of a future to which he held the key, and perhaps
a little in her stormy heart, she had felt a degree
of harsh disappointment, but she had already half-recovered;
and as she sat looking at his ravaged face she wondered
that the death of a sister, no matter how harrowing
the conditions, could make such a wreck of any man.
He told her of his difficulties in
finding some one to remove the body from the vault
to the undertaker’s, of the delay in obtaining
a private car, gave her some idea of his disorganized
life since they had parted, but made no mention of
Alexina Groome or Rincona. Then he politely asked
her if she had any new plans for the future.
Nobody seemed to look forward to the same old life.
Gora shrugged her shoulders with a
movement expressive of irritation. “My
brother, who is engaged to Alexina Groome, insists
that I give up this lodging house.”
“Oh, so they are engaged?”
Gathbroke lit another cigarette, and his hand did
not tremble; he felt as if his nerves had been immersed
in ice water and frozen.
“Yes—marvelously.
The family, as might be expected, is furious.
But the girl is mad about him and of age. She
is just a foolish child and should be locked up.
My brother is not in the least what she imagines him.
She wrote me a letter. Good heaven! One
would think she had captured the prince of a fairy
tale, or the hero of an old romantic novel. There
should be a law prohibiting girls from marrying before
they are twenty-two at least….However, the thing
is done. And my brother is terribly afraid they’ll
find out that I keep a lodging house. He’s
given them to understand we both board here.
They are prime snobs and so is he. I never dreamed
it was in him until he began to go about in society,
but then you never know what is in anybody. Otherwise,
he is harmless enough, and a good industrious boy,
but he’ll never make the money to keep up with
that set, and she won’t have much. It’s
a stupid affair all round….”
“I’ve refused to budge
until he finds me a job. He certainly cannot support
me, even if I were willing to be supported by any one.
As far as I am concerned they could know I kept a
lodging house and welcome. It is honest and it
gives me a good living; and, what I value more, many
hours of freedom. But Mortimer is not only positively
terrified they’ll find it out, but he is as
obstinate over it as—well, as that kind
of man always is. He’s looking about, and
I fancy my fate is stenography or bookkeeping:
I took a course at a business college shortly before
my mother died. I don’t know that he’d
like that much better; he hinted that I might be a
librarian in a small town. But I’ll be
hanged if I fall for that.”
Gathbroke smiled. “Not
that. You don’t belong to the country town.
But I fancy you’ll have to give up the lodging
house. Elton Gwynne took me down the Peninsula
one day, and—well—I don’t
fancy they would stand for it. Aristocracies
are aristocracies the world over. They may talk
democracy, and really modify themselves a bit, but
there are certain things they’d choke on if
they tried to swallow them, and they won’t even
try. Better give it up before they find it out
and tackle you. I don’t fancy you’d
stand for that. It would be devilish disagreeable.
You’ve got to know and be more or less intimate
with them all—”
“I’ll not be patronized
by them. I don’t know that I’ll go
near them. For years I’ve resented that
I was not one of them, but I don’t fancy tagging
in after my brother, treated with pleasant courteous
resignation, invited once a year to a family dinner,
and quite forgotten on smart occasions.”
“Quite so. I like your
spunk. Have you thought of being a nurse?
All work is hard and I should think that would be
interesting. Must meet a jolly lot of people.
You should see the becoming uniforms the London nurses
wear. Prettiest women on the street, by Jove.”
Her heart sank but she replied evenly:
“Not a bad idea. I’ve quite enough
saved to take the course comfortably—”
He had a flash of memory. “And
that would give you time to win your reputation as
a writer. Then the nursing would be merely one
more resource.”
“It was nice of you to remember
that. I’ll consider the nursing proposition,
and when you have your next war I’ll go over
and nurse you. That part of it—a war
nurse—would be mighty interesting.”
The words were spoken idly, merely
to avert a pause, and forgotten as soon as uttered.
But as a matter of fact the next time they met was
when he looked up from his cot in the hospital after
he had been retrieved from the hut by two of his devoted
Tommies, and saw the odd pale eyes of Gora Dwight
close above his own.