Bridge at Bellomont usually lasted
till the small hours; and when Lily went to bed that
night she had played too long for her own good.
Feeling no desire for the self-communion
which awaited her in her room, she lingered on the
broad stairway, looking down into the hall below,
where the last card-players were grouped about the
tray of tall glasses and silver-collared decanters
which the butler had just placed on a low table near
the fire.
The hall was arcaded, with a gallery
supported on columns of pale yellow marble. Tall
clumps of flowering plants were grouped against a
background of dark foliage in the angles of the walls.
On the crimson carpet a deer-hound and two or three
spaniels dozed luxuriously before the fire, and the
light from the great central lantern overhead shed
a brightness on the women’s hair and struck
sparks from their jewels as they moved.
There were moments when such scenes
delighted Lily, when they gratified her sense of beauty
and her craving for the external finish of life; there
were others when they gave a sharper edge to the meagreness
of her own opportunities. This was one of the
moments when the sense of contrast was uppermost, and
she turned away impatiently as Mrs. George Dorset,
glittering in serpentine spangles, drew Percy Gryce
in her wake to a confidential nook beneath the gallery.
It was not that Miss Bart was afraid
of losing her newly-acquired hold over Mr. Gryce.
Mrs. Dorset might startle or dazzle him, but she had
neither the skill nor the patience to effect his capture.
She was too self-engrossed to penetrate the recesses
of his shyness, and besides, why should she care to
give herself the trouble? At most it might amuse
her to make sport of his simplicity for an evening—after
that he would be merely a burden to her, and knowing
this, she was far too experienced to encourage him.
But the mere thought of that other woman, who could
take a man up and toss him aside as she willed, without
having to regard him as a possible factor in her plans,
filled Lily Bart with envy. She had been bored
all the afternoon by Percy Gryce—the mere
thought seemed to waken an echo of his droning voice—but
she could not ignore him on the morrow, she must follow
up her success, must submit to more boredom, must be
ready with fresh compliances and adaptabilities, and
all on the bare chance that he might ultimately decide
to do her the honour of boring her for life.
It was a hateful fate—but
how escape from it? What choice had she?
To be herself, or a Gerty Farish. As she entered
her bedroom, with its softly-shaded lights, her lace
dressing-gown lying across the silken bedspread, her
little embroidered slippers before the fire, a vase
of carnations filling the air with perfume, and the
last novels and magazines lying uncut on a table beside
the reading-lamp, she had a vision of Miss Farish’s
cramped flat, with its cheap conveniences and hideous
wall-papers. No; she was not made for mean and
shabby surroundings, for the squalid compromises of
poverty. Her whole being dilated in an atmosphere
of luxury; it was the background she required, the
only climate she could breathe in. But the luxury
of others was not what she wanted. A few years
ago it had sufficed her: she had taken her daily
meed of pleasure without caring who provided it.
Now she was beginning to chafe at the obligations
it imposed, to feel herself a mere pensioner on the
splendour which had once seemed to belong to her.
There were even moments when she was conscious of
having to pay her way.
For a long time she had refused to
play bridge. She knew she could not afford it,
and she was afraid of acquiring so expensive a taste.
She had seen the danger exemplified in more than one
of her associates—in young Ned Silverton,
for instance, the charming fair boy now seated in
abject rapture at the elbow of Mrs. Fisher, a striking
divorcee with eyes and gowns as emphatic as the head-lines
of her “case.” Lily could remember
when young Silverton had stumbled into their circle,
with the air of a strayed Arcadian who has published
chamung sonnets in his college journal. Since
then he had developed a taste for Mrs. Fisher and
bridge, and the latter at least had involved him in
expenses from which he had been more than once rescued
by harassed maiden sisters, who treasured the sonnets,
and went without sugar in their tea to keep their
darling afloat. Ned’s case was familiar
to Lily: she had seen his charming eyes—which
had a good deal more poetry in them than the sonnets—change
from surprise to amusement, and from amusement to
anxiety, as he passed under the spell of the terrible
god of chance; and she was afraid of discovering the
same symptoms in her own case.
For in the last year she had found
that her hostesses expected her to take a place at
the card-table. It was one of the taxes she had
to pay for their prolonged hospitality, and for the
dresses and trinkets which occasionally replenished
her insufficient wardrobe. And since she had
played regularly the passion had grown on her.
Once or twice of late she had won a large sum, and
instead of keeping it against future losses, had spent
it in dress or jewelry; and the desire to atone for
this imprudence, combined with the increasing exhilaration
of the game, drove her to risk higher stakes at each
fresh venture. She tried to excuse herself on
the plea that, in the Trenor set, if one played at
all one must either play high or be set down as priggish
or stingy; but she knew that the gambling passion was
upon her, and that in her present surroundings there
was small hope of resisting it.
Tonight the luck had been persistently
bad, and the little gold purse which hung among her
trinkets was almost empty when she returned to her
room. She unlocked the wardrobe, and taking out
her jewel-case, looked under the tray for the roll
of bills from which she had replenished the purse
before going down to dinner. Only twenty dollars
were left: the discovery was so startling that
for a moment she fancied she must have been robbed.
Then she took paper and pencil, and seating herself
at the writing-table, tried to reckon up what she
had spent during the day. Her head was throbbing
with fatigue, and she had to go over the figures again
and again; but at last it became clear to her that
she had lost three hundred dollars at cards.
She took out her cheque-book to see if her balance
was larger than she remembered, but found she had
erred in the other direction. Then she returned
to her calculations; but figure as she would, she
could not conjure back the vanished three hundred
dollars. It was the sum she had set aside to
pacify her dress-maker—unless she should
decide to use it as a sop to the jeweller. At
any rate, she had so many uses for it that its very
insufficiency had caused her to play high in the hope
of doubling it. But of course she had lost—she
who needed every penny, while Bertha Dorset, whose
husband showered money on her, must have pocketed
at least five hundred, and Judy Trenor, who could
have afforded to lose a thousand a night, had left
the table clutching such a heap of bills that she
had been unable to shake hands with her guests when
they bade her good night.
A world in which such things could
be seemed a miserable place to Lily Bart; but then
she had never been able to understand the laws of
a universe which was so ready to leave her out of its
calculations.
She began to undress without ringing
for her maid, whom she had sent to bed. She had
been long enough in bondage to other people’s
pleasure to be considerate of those who depended on
hers, and in her bitter moods it sometimes struck her
that she and her maid were in the same position, except
that the latter received her wages more regularly.
As she sat before the mirror brushing
her hair, her face looked hollow and pale, and she
was frightened by two little lines near her mouth,
faint flaws in the smooth curve of the cheek.
“Oh, I must stop worrying!”
she exclaimed. “Unless it’s the electric
light—–” she reflected, springing
up from her seat and lighting the candles on the dressing-table.
She turned out the wall-lights, and
peered at herself between the candle-flames.
The white oval of her face swam out waveringly from
a background of shadows, the uncertain light blurring
it like a haze; but the two lines about the mouth
remained.
Lily rose and undressed in haste.
“It is only because I am tired
and have such odious things to think about,”
she kept repeating; and it seemed an added injustice
that petty cares should leave a trace on the beauty
which was her only defence against them.
But the odious things were there,
and remained with her. She returned wearily to
the thought of Percy Gryce, as a wayfarer picks up
a heavy load and toils on after a brief rest.
She was almost sure she had “landed” him:
a few days’ work and she would win her reward.
But the reward itself seemed upalatable just then:
she could get no zest from the thought of victory.
It would be a rest from worry, no more—and
how little that would have seemed to her a few years
earlier! Her ambitions had shrunk gradually in
the desiccating air of failure. But why had she
failed? Was it her own fault or that of destiny?
She remembered how her mother, after
they had lost their money, used to say to her with
a kind of fierce vindictiveness: “But you’ll
get it all back—you’ll get it all
back, with your face.” . . . The remembrance
roused a whole train of association, and she lay in
the darkness reconstructing the past out of which her
present had grown.
A house in which no one ever dined
at home unless there was “company”; a
door-bell perpetually ringing; a hall-table showered
with square envelopes which were opened in haste, and
oblong envelopes which were allowed to gather dust
in the depths of a bronze jar; a series of French
and English maids giving warning amid a chaos of hurriedly-ransacked
wardrobes and dress-closets; an equally changing dynasty
of nurses and footmen; quarrels in the pantry, the
kitchen and the drawing-room; precipitate trips to
Europe, and returns with gorged trunks and days of
interminable unpacking; semi-annual discussions as
to where the summer should be spent, grey interludes
of economy and brilliant reactions of expense—such
was the setting of Lily Bart’s first memories.
Ruling the turbulent element called
home was the vigorous and determined figure of a mother
still young enough to dance her ball-dresses to rags,
while the hazy outline of a neutral-tinted father
filled an intermediate space between the butler and
the man who came to wind the clocks. Even to
the eyes of infancy, Mrs. Hudson Bart had appeared
young; but Lily could not recall the time when her
father had not been bald and slightly stooping, with
streaks of grey in his hair, and a tired walk.
It was a shock to her to learn afterward that he was
but two years older than her mother.
Lily seldom saw her father by daylight.
All day he was “down town”; and in winter
it was long after nightfall when she heard his fagged
step on the stairs and his hand on the school-room
door. He would kiss her in silence, and ask one
or two questions of the nurse or the governess; then
Mrs. Bart’s maid would come to remind him that
he was dining out, and he would hurry away with a
nod to Lily. In summer, when he joined them for
a Sunday at Newport or Southampton, he was even more
effaced and silent than in winter. It seemed
to tire him to rest, and he would sit for hours staring
at the sea-line from a quiet corner of the verandah,
while the clatter of his wife’s existence went
on unheeded a few feet off. Generally, however,
Mrs. Bart and Lily went to Europe for the summer,
and before the steamer was half way over Mr. Bart
had dipped below the horizon. Sometimes his daughter
heard him denounced for having neglected to forward
Mrs. Bart’s remittances; but for the most part
he was never mentioned or thought of till his patient
stooping figure presented itself on the New York dock
as a buffer between the magnitude of his wife’s
luggage and the restrictions of the American custom-house.
In this desultory yet agitated fashion
life went on through Lily’s teens: a zig-zag
broken course down which the family craft glided on
a rapid current of amusement, tugged at by the underflow
of a perpetual need—the need of more money.
Lily could not recall the time when there had been
money enough, and in some vague way her father seemed
always to blame for the deficiency. It could
certainly not be the fault of Mrs. Bart, who was spoken
of by her friends as a “wonderful manager.”
Mrs. Bart was famous for the unlimited effect she
produced on limited means; and to the lady and her
acquaintances there was something heroic in living
as though one were much richer than one’s bank-book
denoted.
Lily was naturally proud of her mother’s
aptitude in this line: she had been brought up
in the faith that, whatever it cost, one must have
a good cook, and be what Mrs. Bart called “decently
dressed.” Mrs. Bart’s worst reproach
to her husband was to ask him if he expected her to
“live like a pig”; and his replying in
the negative was always regarded as a justification
for cabling to Paris for an extra dress or two, and
telephoning to the jeweller that he might, after all,
send home the turquoise bracelet which Mrs. Bart had
looked at that morning.
Lily knew people who “lived
like pigs,” and their appearance and surroundings
justified her mother’s repugnance to that form
of existence. They were mostly cousins, who inhabited
dingy houses with engravings from Cole’s Voyage
of Life on the drawing-room walls, and slatternly
parlour-maids who said “I’ll go and see”
to visitors calling at an hour when all right-minded
persons are conventionally if not actually out.
The disgusting part of it was that many of these cousins
were rich, so that Lily imbibed the idea that if people
lived like pigs it was from choice, and through the
lack of any proper standard of conduct. This
gave her a sense of reflected superiority, and she
did not need Mrs. Bart’s comments on the family
frumps and misers to foster her naturally lively taste
for splendour.
Lily was nineteen when circumstances
caused her to revise her view of the universe.
The previous year she had made a dazzling
debut fringed by a heavy thunder-cloud of bills.
The light of the debut still lingered on the horizon,
but the cloud had thickened; and suddenly it broke.
The suddenness added to the horror; and there were
still times when Lily relived with painful vividness
every detail of the day on which the blow fell.
She and her mother had been seated at the luncheon-table,
over the CHAUFROIX and cold salmon of the previous
night’s dinner: it was one of Mrs. Bart’s
few economies to consume in private the expensive remnants
of her hospitality. Lily was feeling the pleasant
languor which is youth’s penalty for dancing
till dawn; but her mother, in spite of a few lines
about the mouth, and under the yellow waves on her
temples, was as alert, determined and high in colour
as if she had risen from an untroubled sleep.
In the centre of the table, between
the melting MARRONS GLACES and candied cherries, a
pyramid of American Beauties lifted their vigorous
stems; they held their heads as high as Mrs. Bart,
but their rose-colour had turned to a dissipated purple,
and Lily’s sense of fitness was disturbed by
their reappearance on the luncheon-table.
“I really think, mother,”
she said reproachfully, “we might afford a few
fresh flowers for luncheon. Just some jonquils
or lilies-of-the-valley—–”
Mrs. Bart stared. Her own fastidiousness
had its eye fixed on the world, and she did not care
how the luncheon-table looked when there was no one
present at it but the family. But she smiled
at her daughter’s innocence.
“Lilies-of-the-valley,”
she said calmly, “cost two dollars a dozen at
this season.”
Lily was not impressed. She knew
very little of the value of money.
“It would not take more than
six dozen to fill that bowl,” she argued.
“Six dozen what?” asked
her father’s voice in the doorway.
The two women looked up in surprise;
though it was a Saturday, the sight of Mr. Bart at
luncheon was an unwonted one. But neither his
wife nor his daughter was sufficiently interested to
ask an explanation.
Mr. Bart dropped into a chair, and
sat gazing absently at the fragment of jellied salmon
which the butler had placed before him.
“I was only saying,” Lily
began, “that I hate to see faded flowers at
luncheon; and mother says a bunch of lilies-of-the-valley
would not cost more than twelve dollars. Mayn’t
I tell the florist to send a few every day?”
She leaned confidently toward her
father: he seldom refused her anything, and Mrs.
Bart had taught her to plead with him when her own
entreaties failed.
Mr. Bart sat motionless, his gaze
still fixed on the salmon, and his lower jaw dropped;
he looked even paler than usual, and his thin hair
lay in untidy streaks on his forehead. Suddenly
he looked at his daughter and laughed. The laugh
was so strange that Lily coloured under it: she
disliked being ridiculed, and her father seemed to
see something ridiculous in the request. Perhaps
he thought it foolish that she should trouble him about
such a trifle.
“Twelve dollars—twelve
dollars a day for flowers? Oh, certainly, my
dear—give him an order for twelve hundred.”
He continued to laugh.
Mrs. Bart gave him a quick glance.
“You needn’t wait, Poleworth—I
will ring for you,” she said to the butler.
The butler withdrew with an air of
silent disapproval, leaving the remains of the CHAUFROIX
on the sideboard.
“What is the matter, Hudson?
Are you ill?” said Mrs. Bart severely.
She had no tolerance for scenes which
were not of her own making, and it was odious to her
that her husband should make a show of himself before
the servants.
“Are you ill?” she repeated.
“Ill?—–No, I’m ruined,”
he said.
Lily made a frightened sound, and
Mrs. Bart rose to her feet.
“Ruined—–?”
she cried; but controlling herself instantly, she
turned a calm face to Lily.
“Shut the pantry door,” she said.
Lily obeyed, and when she turned back
into the room her father was sitting with both elbows
on the table, the plate of salmon between them, and
his head bowed on his hands.
Mrs. Bart stood over him with a white
face which made her hair unnaturally yellow.
She looked at Lily as the latter approached:
her look was terrible, but her voice was modulated
to a ghastly cheerfulness.
“Your father is not well—he
doesn’t know what he is saying. It is nothing—but
you had better go upstairs; and don’t talk to
the servants,” she added.
Lily obeyed; she always obeyed when
her mother spoke in that voice. She had not been
deceived by Mrs. Bart’s words: she knew
at once that they were ruined. In the dark hours
which followed, that awful fact overshadowed even
her father’s slow and difficult dying.
To his wife he no longer counted: he had become
extinct when he ceased to fulfil his purpose, and
she sat at his side with the provisional air of a
traveller who waits for a belated train to start.
Lily’s feelings were softer: she pitied
him in a frightened ineffectual way. But the
fact that he was for the most part unconscious, and
that his attention, when she stole into the room,
drifted away from her after a moment, made him even
more of a stranger than in the nursery days when he
had never come home till after dark. She seemed
always to have seen him through a blur—first
of sleepiness, then of distance and indifference—
and now the fog had thickened till he was almost indistinguishable.
If she could have performed any little services for
him, or have exchanged with him a few of those affecting
words which an extensive perusal of fiction had led
her to connect with such occasions, the filial instinct
might have stirred in her; but her pity, finding no
active expression, remained in a state of spectatorship,
overshadowed by her mother’s grim unflagging
resentment. Every look and act of Mrs. Bart’s
seemed to say: “You are sorry for him now—but
you will feel differently when you see what he has
done to us.”
It was a relief to Lily when her father died.
Then a long winter set in. There
was a little money left, but to Mrs. Bart it seemed
worse than nothing—the mere mockery of what
she was entitled to. What was the use of living
if one had to live like a pig? She sank into
a kind of furious apathy, a state of inert anger against
fate. Her faculty for “managing” deserted
her, or she no longer took sufficient pride in it to
exert it. It was well enough to “manage”
when by so doing one could keep one’s own carriage;
but when one’s best contrivance did not conceal
the fact that one had to go on foot, the effort was
no longer worth making.
Lily and her mother wandered from
place to place, now paying long visits to relations
whose house-keeping Mrs. Bart criticized, and who
deplored the fact that she let Lily breakfast in bed
when the girl had no prospects before her, and now
vegetating in cheap continental refuges, where Mrs.
Bart held herself fiercely aloof from the frugal tea-tables
of her companions in misfortune. She was especially
careful to avoid her old friends and the scenes of
her former successes. To be poor seemed to her
such a confession of failure that it amounted to disgrace;
and she detected a note of condescension in the friendliest
advances.
Only one thought consoled her, and
that was the contemplation of Lily’s beauty.
She studied it with a kind of passion, as though it
were some weapon she had slowly fashioned for her vengeance.
It was the last asset in their fortunes, the nucleus
around which their life was to be rebuilt. She
watched it jealously, as though it were her own property
and Lily its mere custodian; and she tried to instil
into the latter a sense of the responsibility that
such a charge involved. She followed in imagination
the career of other beauties, pointing out to her
daughter what might be achieved through such a gift,
and dwelling on the awful warning of those who, in
spite of it, had failed to get what they wanted:
to Mrs. Bart, only stupidity could explain the lamentable
denouement of some of her examples. She was not
above the inconsistency of charging fate, rather than
herself, with her own misfortunes; but she inveighed
so acrimoniously against love-matches that Lily would
have fancied her own marriage had been of that nature,
had not Mrs. Bart frequently assured her that she
had been “talked into it”—by
whom, she never made clear.
Lily was duly impressed by the magnitude
of her opportunities. The dinginess of her present
life threw into enchanting relief the existence to
which she felt herself entitled. To a less illuminated
intelligence Mrs. Bart’s counsels might have
been dangerous; but Lily understood that beauty is
only the raw material of conquest, and that to convert
it into success other arts are required. She
knew that to betray any sense of superiority was a
subtler form of the stupidity her mother denounced,
and it did not take her long to learn that a beauty
needs more tact than the possessor of an average set
of features.
Her ambitions were not as crude as
Mrs. Bart’s. It had been among that lady’s
grievances that her husband—in the early
days, before he was too tired—had wasted
his evenings in what she vaguely described as “reading
poetry”; and among the effects packed off to
auction after his death were a score or two of dingy
volumes which had struggled for existence among the
boots and medicine bottles of his dressing-room shelves.
There was in Lily a vein of sentiment, perhaps transmitted
from this source, which gave an idealizing touch to
her most prosaic purposes. She liked to think
of her beauty as a power for good, as giving her the
opportunity to attain a position where she should make
her influence felt in the vague diffusion of refinement
and good taste. She was fond of pictures and
flowers, and of sentimental fiction, and she could
not help thinking that the possession of such tastes
ennobled her desire for worldly advantages. She
would not indeed have cared to marry a man who was
merely rich: she was secretly ashamed of her
mother’s crude passion for money. Lily’s
preference would have been for an English nobleman
with political ambitions and vast estates; or, for
second choice, an Italian prince with a castle in
the Apennines and an hereditary office in the Vatican.
Lost causes had a romantic charm for her, and she
liked to picture herself as standing aloof from the
vulgar press of the Quirinal, and sacrificing her
pleasure to the claims of an immemorial tradition.
. . .
How long ago and how far off it all
seemed! Those ambitions were hardly more futile
and childish than the earlier ones which had centred
about the possession of a French jointed doll with
real hair. Was it only ten years since she had
wavered in imagination between the English earl and
the Italian prince? Relentlessly her mind travelled
on over the dreary interval. . . .
After two years of hungry roaming
Mrs. Bart had died—–died of a deep
disgust. She had hated dinginess, and it was her
fate to be dingy. Her visions of a brilliant
marriage for Lily had faded after the first year.
“People can’t marry you
if they don’t see you—and how can
they see you in these holes where we’re stuck?”
That was the burden of her lament; and her last adjuration
to her daughter was to escape from dinginess if she
could.
“Don’t let it creep up
on you and drag you down. Fight your way out
of it somehow—you’re young and can
do it,” she insisted.
She had died during one of their brief
visits to New York, and there Lily at once became
the centre of a family council composed of the wealthy
relatives whom she had been taught to despise for
living like pigs. It may be that they had an inkling
of the sentiments in which she had been brought up,
for none of them manifested a very lively desire for
her company; indeed, the question threatened to remain
unsolved till Mrs. Peniston with a sigh announced:
“I’ll try her for a year.”
Every one was surprised, but one and
all concealed their surprise, lest Mrs. Peniston should
be alarmed by it into reconsidering her decision.
Mrs. Peniston was Mr. Bart’s
widowed sister, and if she was by no means the richest
of the family group, its other members nevertheless
abounded in reasons why she was clearly destined by
Providence to assume the charge of Lily. In the
first place she was alone, and it would be charming
for her to have a young companion. Then she sometimes
travelled, and Lily’s familiarity with foreign
customs—deplored as a misfortune by her
more conservative relatives—would at least
enable her to act as a kind of courier. But as
a matter of fact Mrs. Peniston had not been affected
by these considerations. She had taken the girl
simply because no one else would have her, and because
she had the kind of moral MAUVAISE HONTE which makes
the public display of selfishness difficult, though
it does not interfere with its private indulgence.
It would have been impossible for Mrs. Peniston to
be heroic on a desert island, but with the eyes of
her little world upon her she took a certain pleasure
in her act.
She reaped the reward to which disinterestedness
is entitled, and found an agreeable companion in her
niece. She had expected to find Lily headstrong,
critical and “foreign”—for even
Mrs. Peniston, though she occasionally went abroad,
had the family dread of foreignness—but
the girl showed a pliancy, which, to a more penetrating
mind than her aunt’s, might have been less reassuring
than the open selfishness of youth. Misfortune
had made Lily supple instead of hardening her, and
a pliable substance is less easy to break than a stiff
one.
Mrs. Peniston, however, did not suffer
from her niece’s adaptability. Lily had
no intention of taking advantage of her aunt’s
good nature. She was in truth grateful for the
refuge offered her: Mrs. Peniston’s opulent
interior was at least not externally dingy. But
dinginess is a quality which assumes all manner of
disguises; and Lily soon found that it was as latent
in the expensive routine of her aunt’s life
as in the makeshift existence of a continental pension.
Mrs. Peniston was one of the episodical
persons who form the padding of life. It was
impossible to believe that she had herself ever been
a focus of activities. The most vivid thing about
her was the fact that her grandmother had been a Van
Alstyne. This connection with the well-fed and
industrious stock of early New York revealed itself
in the glacial neatness of Mrs. Peniston’s drawing-room
and in the excellence of her cuisine. She belonged
to the class of old New Yorkers who have always lived
well, dressed expensively, and done little else; and
to these inherited obligations Mrs. Peniston faitfully
conformed. She had always been a looker-on at
life, and her mind resembled one of those little mirrors
which her Dutch ancestors were accustomed to affix
to their upper windows, so that from the depths of
an impenetrable domesticity they might see what was
happening in the street.
Mrs. Peniston was the owner of a country-place
in New Jersey, but she had never lived there since
her husband’s death—a remote event,
which appeared to dwell in her memory chiefly as a
dividing point in the personal reminiscences that formed
the staple of her conversation. She was a woman
who remembered dates with intensity, and could tell
at a moment’s notice whether the drawing-room
curtains had been renewed before or after Mr. Peniston’s
last illness.
Mrs. Peniston thought the country
lonely and trees damp, and cherished a vague fear
of meeting a bull. To guard against such contingencies
she frequented the more populous watering-places,
where she installed herself impersonally in a hired
house and looked on at life through the matting screen
of her verandah. In the care of such a guardian,
it soon became clear to Lily that she was to enjoy
only the material advantages of good food and expensive
clothing; and, though far from underrating these, she
would gladly have exchanged them for what Mrs. Bart
had taught her to regard as opportunities. She
sighed to think what her mother’s fierce energies
would have accomplished, had they been coupled with
Mrs. Peniston’s resources. Lily had abundant
energy of her own, but it was restricted by the necessity
of adapting herself to her aunt’s habits.
She saw that at all costs she must keep Mrs. Peniston’s
favour till, as Mrs. Bart would have phrased it, she
could stand on her own legs. Lily had no mind
for the vagabond life of the poor relation, and to
adapt herself to Mrs. Peniston she had, to some degree,
to assume that lady’s passive attitude.
She had fancied at first that it would be easy to draw
her aunt into the whirl of her own activities, but
there was a static force in Mrs. Peniston against
which her niece’s efforts spent themselves in
vain. To attempt to bring her into active relation
with life was like tugging at a piece of furniture
which has been screwed to the floor. She did
not, indeed, expect Lily to remain equally immovable:
she had all the American guardian’s indulgence
for the volatility of youth.
She had indulgence also for certain
other habits of her niece’s. It seemed
to her natural that Lily should spend all her money
on dress, and she supplemented the girl’s scanty
income by occasional “handsome presents”
meant to be applied to the same purpose. Lily,
who was intensely practical, would have preferred
a fixed allowance; but Mrs. Peniston liked the periodical
recurrence of gratitude evoked by unexpected cheques,
and was perhaps shrewd enough to perceive that such
a method of giving kept alive in her niece a salutary
sense of dependence.
Beyond this, Mrs. Peniston had not
felt called upon to do anything for her charge:
she had simply stood aside and let her take the field.
Lily had taken it, at first with the confidence of
assured possessorship, then with gradually narrowing
demands, till now she found herself actually struggling
for a foothold on the broad space which had once seemed
her own for the asking. How it happened she did
not yet know. Sometimes she thought it was because
Mrs. Peniston had been too passive, and again she feared
it was because she herself had not been passive enough.
Had she shown an undue eagerness for victory?
Had she lacked patience, pliancy and dissimulation?
Whether she charged herself with these faults or absolved
herself from them, made no difference in the sum-total
of her failure. Younger and plainer girls had
been married off by dozens, and she was nine-and-twenty,
and still Miss Bart.
She was beginning to have fits of
angry rebellion against fate, when she longed to drop
out of the race and make an independent life for herself.
But what manner of life would it be? She had
barely enough money to pay her dress-makers’
bills and her gambling debts; and none of the desultory
interests which she dignified with the name of tastes
was pronounced enough to enable her to live contentedly
in obscurity. Ah, no—she was too intelligent
not to be honest with herself. She knew that she
hated dinginess as much as her mother had hated it,
and to her last breath she meant to fight against
it, dragging herself up again and again above its
flood till she gained the bright pinnacles of success
which presented such a slippery surface to her clutch.