The History of Mr. Polly

Mr. Polly was not naturally interested in hosiery and gentlemen’s outfitting.  At times, indeed, he urged himself to a spurious curiosity about that trade, but presently something more congenial came along and checked the effort.  He was apprenticed in one of those large, rather low-class establishments which sell everything, from pianos and furniture to books and millinery, a department store in fact, The Port Burdock Drapery Bazaar at Port Burdock, one of the three townships that are grouped around the Port Burdock naval dockyards.  There he remained six years.  He spent most of the time inattentive to business, in a sort of uncomfortable happiness, increasing his indigestion.

On the whole he preferred business to school; the hours were longer but the tension was not nearly so great.  The place was better aired, you were not kept in for no reason at all, and the cane was not employed.  You watched the growth of your moustache with interest and impatience, and mastered the beginnings of social intercourse.  You talked, and found there were things amusing to say.  Also you had regular pocket money, and a voice in the purchase of your clothes, and presently a small salary.  And there were girls.  And friendship!  In the retrospect Port Burdock sparkled with the facets of quite a cluster of remembered jolly times.

(“Didn’t save much money though,” said Mr. Polly.)

The first apprentices’ dormitory was a long bleak room with six beds, six chests of drawers and looking glasses and a number of boxes of wood or tin; it opened into a still longer and bleaker room of eight beds, and this into a third apartment with yellow grained paper and American cloth tables, which was the dining-room by day and the men’s sitting-and smoking-room after nine.  Here Mr. Polly, who had been an only child, first tasted the joys of social intercourse.  At first there were attempts to bully him on account of his refusal to consider face washing a diurnal duty, but two fights with the apprentices next above him, established a useful reputation for choler, and the presence of girl apprentices in the shop somehow raised his standard of cleanliness to a more acceptable level.  He didn’t of course have very much to do with the feminine staff in his department, but he spoke to them casually as he traversed foreign parts of the Bazaar, or got out of their way politely, or helped them to lift down heavy boxes, and on such occasions he felt their scrutiny.  Except in the course of business or at meal times the men and women of the establishment had very little opportunity of meeting; the men were in their rooms and the girls in theirs.  Yet these feminine creatures, at once so near and so remote, affected him profoundly.  He would watch them going to and fro, and marvel secretly at the beauty of their hair or the roundness of their necks or the warm softness of their cheeks or the delicacy of their hands.  He would fall into passions for them at dinner time, and try and show devotions by his manner of passing the bread and margarine at tea.  There was a very fair-haired, fair-skinned apprentice in the adjacent haberdashery to whom he said “good-morning” every morning, and for a period it seemed to him the most significant event in his day.  When she said, “I do hope it will be fine to-morrow,” he felt it marked an epoch.  He had had no sisters, and was innately disposed to worship womankind.  But he did not betray as much to Platt and Parsons.

To Platt and Parsons he affected an attitude of seasoned depravity towards womankind.  Platt and Parsons were his contemporary apprentices in departments of the drapery shop, and the three were drawn together into a close friendship by the fact that all their names began with P. They decided they were the Three Ps, and went about together of an evening with the bearing of desperate dogs.  Sometimes, when they had money, they went into public houses and had drinks.  Then they would become more desperate than ever, and walk along the pavement under the gas lamps arm in arm singing.  Platt had a good tenor voice, and had been in a church choir, and so he led the singing; Parsons had a serviceable bellow, which roared and faded and roared again very wonderfully; Mr. Polly’s share was an extraordinary lowing noise, a sort of flat recitative which he called “singing seconds.”  They would have sung catches if they had known how to do it, but as it was they sang melancholy music hall songs about dying soldiers and the old folks far away.

They would sometimes go into the quieter residential quarters of Port Burdock, where policemen and other obstacles were infrequent, and really let their voices soar like hawks and feel very happy.  The dogs of the district would be stirred to hopeless emulation, and would keep it up for long after the Three Ps had been swallowed up by the night.  One jealous brute of an Irish terrier made a gallant attempt to bite Parsons, but was beaten by numbers and solidarity.

The Three Ps took the utmost interest in each other and found no other company so good.  They talked about everything in the world, and would go on talking in their dormitory after the gas was out until the other men were reduced to throwing boots; they skulked from their departments in the slack hours of the afternoon to gossip in the packing-room of the warehouse; on Sundays and Bank holidays they went for long walks together, talking.

Platt was white-faced and dark, and disposed to undertones and mystery and a curiosity about society and the demi-monde.  He kept himself au courant by reading a penny paper of infinite suggestion called Modern Society.  Parsons was of an ampler build, already promising fatness, with curly hair and a lot of rolling, rollicking, curly features, and a large blob-shaped nose.  He had a great memory and a real interest in literature.  He knew great portions of Shakespeare and Milton by heart, and would recite them at the slightest provocation.  He read everything he could get hold of, and if he liked it he read it aloud.  It did not matter who else liked it.  At first Mr. Polly was disposed to be suspicious of this literature, but was carried away by Parsons’ enthusiasm.  The Three Ps went to a performance of “Romeo and Juliet” at the Port Burdock Theatre Royal, and hung over the gallery fascinated.  After that they made a sort of password of:  “Do you bite your thumbs at Us, Sir?”

To which the countersign was:  “We bite our thumbs.”

For weeks the glory of Shakespeare’s Verona lit Mr. Polly’s life.  He walked as though he carried a sword at his side, and swung a mantle from his shoulders.  He went through the grimy streets of Port Burdock with his eye on the first floor windows—­looking for balconies.  A ladder in the yard flooded his mind with romantic ideas.  Then Parsons discovered an Italian writer, whose name Mr. Polly rendered as “Bocashieu,” and after some excursions into that author’s remains the talk of Parsons became infested with the word “amours,” and Mr. Polly would stand in front of his hosiery fixtures trifling with paper and string and thinking of perennial picnics under dark olive trees in the everlasting sunshine of Italy.

And about that time it was that all Three Ps adopted turn-down collars and large, loose, artistic silk ties, which they tied very much on one side and wore with an air of defiance.  And a certain swashbuckling carriage.

And then came the glorious revelation of that great Frenchman whom Mr. Polly called “Rabooloose.”  The Three Ps thought the birth feast of Gargantua the most glorious piece of writing in the world, and I am not certain they were wrong, and on wet Sunday evenings where there was danger of hymn singing they would get Parsons to read it aloud.

Towards the several members of the Y. M. C. A. who shared the dormitory, the Three Ps always maintained a sarcastic and defiant attitude.

“We got a perfect right to do what we like in our corner,” Platt maintained.  “You do what you like in yours.”

“But the language!” objected Morrison, the white-faced, earnest-eyed improver, who was leading a profoundly religious life under great difficulties.

“Language, man!” roared Parsons, “why, it’s Literature!”

“Sunday isn’t the time for Literature.”

“It’s the only time we’ve got.  And besides—­”

The horrors of religious controversy would begin….

Mr. Polly stuck loyally to the Three Ps, but in the secret places of his heart he was torn.  A fire of conviction burnt in Morrison’s eyes and spoke in his urgent persuasive voice; he lived the better life manifestly, chaste in word and deed, industrious, studiously kindly.  When the junior apprentice had sore feet and homesickness Morrison washed the feet and comforted the heart, and he helped other men to get through with their work when he might have gone early, a superhuman thing to do.  Polly was secretly a little afraid to be left alone with this man and the power of the spirit that was in him.  He felt watched.

Platt, also struggling with things his mind could not contrive to reconcile, said “that confounded hypocrite.”

“He’s no hypocrite,” said Parsons, “he’s no hypocrite, O’ Man.  But he’s got no blessed Joy de Vive; that’s what’s wrong with him.  Let’s go down to the Harbour Arms and see some of those blessed old captains getting drunk.”

“Short of sugar, O’ Man,” said Mr. Polly, slapping his trouser pocket.

“Oh, carm on,” said Parsons.  “Always do it on tuppence for a bitter.”

“Lemme get my pipe on,” said Platt, who had recently taken to smoking with great ferocity.  “Then I’m with you.”

Pause and struggle.

“Don’t ram it down, O’ Man,” said Parsons, watching with knitted brows.  “Don’t ram it down.  Give it Air.  Seen my stick, O’ Man?  Right O.”

And leaning on his cane he composed himself in an attitude of sympathetic patience towards Platt’s incendiary efforts.