Sixteen passed by with many other
things much more disturbing and important to the world
than a girl’s birthday; seventeen was gone,
with passing events more complicated still and increasingly
significant, but even the owners of the hands hovering
over the Chessboard, which was the Map of Europe,
did not keep a watch on all of them as close as might
have been kept with advantage. Girls in their
teens are seldom interested in political and diplomatic
conditions, and Robin was not fond of newspapers.
She worked well and steadily under Mademoiselle’s
guidance, and her governess realized that she was
not losing sight of her plans for self support.
She was made aware of this by an occasional word or
so, and also by a certain telepathic union between
them. Little as she cared for the papers, the
child had a habit of closely examining the advertisements
every day. She read faithfully the columns devoted
to those who “Want” employment or are “Wanted”
by employers.
“I look at all the paragraphs
which begin ‘Wanted, a young lady’ or
a ‘young woman’ or a ‘young person,’
and those which say that ‘A young person’
or ‘a young woman’ or ‘a young lady’
desires a position. I want to find out what is
oftenest needed.”
She had ceased to be disturbed by
the eyes which followed her, or opened a little as
she passed. She knew that nothing had come undone
or was crooked and that untidiness had nothing to do
with the matter. She accepted being looked at
as a part of everyday life. A certain friendliness
and pleasure in most of the glances she liked and
was glad of. Sometimes men of the flushed, middle-aged
or elderly type displeased her by a sort of boldness
of manner and gaze, bet she thought that they were
only silly, giddy, old things who ought to go home
to their families and stay with than. Mademoiselle
or Dowie was nearly always with her, but, as she was
not a French jemme fille, this was not because it was
supposed that she could not be trusted out alone,
but because she enjoyed their affectionate companionship.
There was one man, however, whom she
greatly disliked, as young girls will occasionally
dislike a member of the opposite sex for no special
reason they can wholly explain to themselves.
He was an occasional visitor of her
mother’s—a personable young Prussian
officer of high rank and title. He was blonde
and military and good-looking; he brought his bearing
and manner from the Court at Berlin, and the click
of his heels as he brought them smartly together,
when he made his perfect automatic bow, was one of
the things Robin knew she was reasonless in feeling
she detested in him.
“It makes me feel as if he was
not merely bowing as a a man who is a gentleman does,”
she confided to Mademoiselle Valle, “but as
if he had been taught to do it and to call attention
to it as if no one had ever known how to do it properly
before. It is so flourishing in its stiff way
that it’s rather vulgar.”
“That is only personal fancy
on your part,” commented Mademoiselle.
“I know it is,” admitted
Robin. “But—” uneasily,
“—but that isn’t what I dislike
in him most. It’s his eyes, I suppose they
are handsome eyes. They are blue and full—rather
too full. They have a queer, swift stare—as
if they plunged into other people’s eyes and
tried to hold them and say something secret, all in
one second. You find yourself getting red and
trying to look away.”
“I don’t,” said
Mademoiselle astutely—because she wanted
to hear the rest, without asking too many questions.
Robin laughed just a little.
“You have not seen him do it.
I have not seen him do it myself very often.
He comes to call on—Mamma”—she
never said “Mother”—“when
he is in London. He has been coming for two or
three seasons. The first time I saw him I was
going out with Dowie and he was just going upstairs.
Because the hall is so small, we almost knocked against
each other, and he jumped back and made his bow, and
he stared so that I felt silly and half frightened.
I was only fifteen then.”
“And since then?” Mademoiselle Valle inquired.
“When he is here it seems as
if I always meet him somewhere. Twice, when Fraulein
Hirsch was with me in the Square Gardens, he came
and spoke to us. I think he must know her.
He was very grand and condescendingly polite to her,
as if he did not forget she was only a German teacher
and I was only a little girl whose mamma he knew.
But he kept looking at me until I began to hate him.”
“You must not dislike people
without reason. You dislike Lord Coombe.”
“They both make me creep.
Lord Coombe doesn’t plunge his eyes into mine,
but he makes me creep with his fishy coldness.
I feel as if he were like Satan in his still way.”
“That is childish prejudice and nonsense.”
“Perhaps the other is, too,”
said Robin. “But they both make me creep,
nevertheless. I would rather die than be
obliged to let one of them touch me. That was
why I would never shake hands with Lord Coombe when
I was a little child.”
“You think Fraulein Hirsch knows
the Baron?” Mademoiselle inquired further.
“I am sure she does. Several
times, when she has gone out to walk with me, we have
met him. Sometimes he only passes us and salutes,
but sometimes he stops and says a few words in a stiff,
magnificent way. But he always bores his eyes
into mine, as if he were finding out things about
me which I don’t know myself. He has passed
several times when you have been with me, but you may
not remember.”
Mademoiselle Valle chanced, however,
to recall having observed the salute of a somewhat
haughty, masculine person, whose military bearing
in itself was sufficient to attract attention, so markedly
did it suggest the clanking of spurs and accoutrements,
and the high lift of a breast bearing orders.
“He is Count von Hillern, and
I wish he would stay in Germany,” said Robin.
Fraulein Hirsch had not been one of
those who returned hastily to her own country, giving
no warning of her intention to her employers.
She had remained in London and given her lessons faithfully.
She was a plain young woman with a large nose and
pimpled, colourless face and shy eyes and manner.
Robin had felt sure that she stood in awe of the rank
and military grandeur of her fellow countryman.
She looked shyer than ever when he condescended to
halt and address her and her charge—so
shy, indeed, that her glances seemed furtive.
Robin guessed that she admired him but was too humble
to be at ease when he was near her. More than
once she had started and turned red and pale when
she saw him approaching, which had caused Robin to
wonder if she herself would feel as timid and overpowered
by her superiors, if she became a governess.
Clearly, a man like Count von Hillern would then be
counted among her superiors, and she must conduct
herself becomingly, even if it led to her looking
almost stealthy. She had, on several occasions,
asked Fraulein certain questions about governesses.
She had inquired as to the age at which one could
apply for a place as instructress to children or young
girls. Fraulein Hirsch had begun her career in
Germany at the age of eighteen. She had lived
a serious life, full of responsibilities at home as
one of a large family, and she had perhaps been rather
mature for her age. In England young women who
wished for situations answered advertisements and went
to see the people who had inserted them in the newspapers,
she explained. Sometimes, the results were very
satisfactory. Fraulein Hirsch was very amiable
in her readiness to supply information. Robin
did not tell her of her intention to find work of
some sort—probably governessing—but
the young German woman was possessed of a mind “made
in Germany” and was quite well aware of innumerable
things her charge did not suspect her of knowing.
One of the things she knew best was that the girl
was a child. She was not a child herself, and
she was an abjectly bitter and wretched creature who
had no reason for hope. She lived in small lodgings
in a street off Abbey Road, and, in a drawer in her
dressing table, she kept hidden a photograph of a
Prussian officer with cropped blond head, and handsome
prominent blue eyes, arrogantly gazing from beneath
heavy lids which drooped. He was of the type the
German woman, young and slim, or mature and stout,
privately worships as a god whose relation to any
woman can only be that of a modern Jove stooping to
command service. In his teens he had become accustomed
to the female eye which lifts itself adoringly or
casts the furtively excited glance of admiration or
appeal. It was the way of mere nature that it
should be so—the wise provision of a masculine
God, whose world was created for the supply and pleasure
of males, especially males of the Prussian Army, whose
fixed intention it was to dominate the world and teach
it obedience.
To such a man, so thoroughly well
trained in the comprehension of the power of his own
rank and values, a young woman such as Fraulein Hirsch—subservient
and without beauty—was an unconsidered object
to be as little regarded as the pavement upon which
one walks. The pavement had its uses, and such
women had theirs. They could, at least, obey
the orders of those Heaven had placed above them, and,
if they showed docility and intelligence, might be
re warded by a certain degree of approval.
A presumption, which would have dared
to acknowledge to the existence of the hidden photograph,
could not have been encompassed by the being of Fraulein
Hirsch. She was, in truth, secretly enslaved
by a burning, secret, heart-wringing passion which,
sometimes, as she lay on her hard bed at night, forced
from her thin chest hopeless sobs which she smothered
under the bedclothes.
Figuratively, she would have licked
the boots of her conquering god, if he would have
looked at her—just looked-as if she were
human. But such a thing could not have occurred
to him. He did not even think of her as she thought
of herself, torturingly—as not young, not
in any degree good-looking, not geboren, not even
female. He did not think of her at all, except
as one of those born to serve in such manner as their
superiors commanded. She was in England under
orders, because she was unobtrusive looking enough
to be a safe person to carry on the work she had been
given to do. She was cleverer than she looked
and could accomplish certain things without attracting
any attention whatsoever.
Von Hillern had given her instructions
now and then, which had made it necessary for him
to see and talk to her in various places. The
fact that she had before her the remote chance of seeing
him by some chance, gave her an object in life.
It was enough to be allowed to stand or sit for a
short time near enough to have been able to touch
his sleeve, if she had had the mad audacity to do
it; to quail before his magnificent glance, to hear
his voice, to almost touch his strong, white
hand when she gave him papers, to see that he deigned,
sometimes, to approve of what she had done, to assure
him of her continued obedience, with servile politeness.
She was not a nice woman, or a good
one, and she had, from her birth, accepted her place
in her world with such finality that her desires could
not, at any time, have been of an elevated nature.
If he had raised a haughty hand and beckoned to her,
she would have followed him like a dog under any conditions
he chose to impose. But he did not raise his
hand, and never would, because she had no attractions
whatsoever. And this she knew, so smothered her
sobs in her bed at night or lay awake, fevered with
anticipation when there was a vague chance that he
might need her for some reason and command her presence
in some deserted park or country road or cheap hotel,
where she could take rooms for the night as if she
were a passing visitor to London.
One night—she had taken
cheap lodgings for a week in a side street, in obedience
to orders—he came in about nine o’clock
dressed in a manner whose object was to dull the effect
of his grandeur and cause him to look as much like
an ordinary Englishman as possible.
But, when the door was closed and
he stood alone in the room with her, she saw, with
the blissful pangs of an abjectly adoring woman, that
he automatically resumed his magnificence of bearing.
His badly fitting overcoat removed, he stood erect
and drawn to his full height, so dominating the small
place and her idolatrously cringing being that her
heart quaked within her. Oh! to dare to cast
her unloveliness at his feet, if it were only to be
trampled upon and die there! No small sense of
humour existed in her brain to save her from her pathetic
idiocy. Romantic humility and touching sacrifice
to the worshipped one were the ideals she had read
of in verse and song all her life. Only through
such servitude and sacrifice could woman gain man’s
love—and even then only if she had beauty
and the gifts worthy of her idol’s acceptance.
It was really his unmitigated arrogance
she worshipped and crawled upon her poor, large-jointed
knees to adore. Her education, her very religion
itself had taught that it was the sign of his nobility
and martial high breeding. Even the women of his
own class believed something of the same sort—the
more romantic and sentimental of them rather enjoying
being mastered by it. To Fraulein Hirsch’s
mental vision, he was a sublimated and more dazzling
German Rochester, and she herself a more worthy, because
more submissive, Jane Eyre. Ach Gott! His
high-held, cropped head—his so beautiful
white hands—his proud eyes which deigned
to look at her from their drooping lids! His
presence filled the shabby room with the atmosphere
of a Palace.
He asked her a few questions; he required
from her certain notes she had made; without wasting
a word or glance he gave her in detail certain further
orders.
He stood by the table, and it was,
therefore, necessary that she should approach him—should
even stand quite near that she might see clearly a
sketch he made hastily—immediately afterwards
tearing it into fragments and burning it with a match.
She was obliged to stand so near him that her skirt
brushed his trouser leg. His nearness, and a
vague scent of cigar smoke, mingled with the suggestion
of some masculine soap or essence, were so poignant
in their effect that she trembled and water rose in
her eyes. In fact—and despite her
terrified effort to control it, a miserable tear fell
on her cheek and stood there because she dared not
wipe it away.
Because he realized, with annoyance,
that she was trembling, he cast a cold, inquiring
glance at her and saw the tear. Then he turned
away and resumed his examination of her notes.
He was not here to make inquiries as to whether a
sheep of a woman was crying or had merely a cold in
her head. “Ach!” grovelled poor Hirsch
in her secret soul,—his patrician control
of outward expression and his indifference to all
small and paltry things! It was part, not only
of his aristocratic breeding, but of the splendour
of his military training.
It was his usual custom to leave her
at once, when the necessary formula had been gone
through. Tonight—she scarcely dared
to believe it—he seemed to have some reason
for slight delay. He did not sit down or ask
Fraulein Hirsch to do so—but he did not
at once leave the room. He lighted a quite marvellous
cigar—deigning a slight wave of the admired
hand which held it, designating that he asked permission.
Oh! if she dared have darted to him with a match!
He stood upon the hearth and asked a casual-sounding
question or so regarding her employer, her household,
her acquaintances, her habits.
The sole link between them was the
asking of questions and the giving of private information,
and, therefore, the matter of taste in such matters
did not count as a factor. He might ask anything
and she must answer. Perhaps it was necessary
for her to seek some special knowledge among the guests
Mrs. Gareth-Lawless received. But training, having
developed in her alertness of mind, led her presently
to see that it was not Mrs. Gareth-Lawless he was chiefly
interested in—but a member of her family—the
very small family which consisted of herself and her
daughter.
It was Robin he was enclosing in his
network of questions. And she had seen him look
at Robin when he had passed or spoken to them.
An illuminating flash brought back to her that he had
cleverly found out from her when they were to walk
together, and where they were to go. She had
not been quick enough to detect this before, but she
saw it now. Girls who looked like that—yes!
But it could not be—serious. An English
girl of such family—with such a mother!
A momentary caprice, such as all young men of his class
amused themselves with and forgot—but nothing
permanent. It would not, indeed, be approved
in those High Places where obedience was the first
commandment of the Decalogue.
But he did not go. He even descended
a shade from his inaccessible plane. It was not
difficult for him to obtain details of the odd loneliness
of the girl’s position. Fraulein Hirsch
was quite ready to explain that, in spite of the easy
morals and leniency of rank and fashion in England,
she was a sort of little outcast from sacred inner
circles. There were points she burned to make
clear to him, and she made them so. She was in
secret fiercely desirous that he should realize to
the utmost, that, whatsoever rashness this young flame
of loveliness inspired in him, it was not possible
that he could regard it with any shadow of serious
intention. She had always disliked the girl,
and now her weak mildness and humility suddenly transformed
themselves into something else—a sort of
maternal wolfishness. It did not matter what happened
to the girl—and whatsoever befell or did
not befall her, she—Mathilde Hirsch—could
neither gain nor lose hope through it. But, if
she did not displease him and yet saved him from final
disaster, he would, perhaps, be grateful to her—and
perhaps, speak with approval—or remember
it—and his Noble Mother most certainly
would—if she ever knew. But behind
and under and through all these specious reasonings,
was the hot choking burn of the mad jealousy only
her type of luckless woman can know—and
of whose colour she dare not show the palest hint.
“I have found out that, for
some reason, she thinks of taking a place as governess,”
she said.
“Suggest that she go to Berlin.
There are good places there,” was his answer.
“If she should go, her mother
will not feel any anxiety about her,” returned
Fraulein Hirsch.
“If, then, some young man she
meets in the street makes love to her and they run
away together, she will not be pursued by her relatives.”
Fraulein Hirsch’s flat mouth looked rather malicious.
“Her mother is too busy to pursue
her, and there is no one else—unless it
were Lord Coombe, who is said to want her himself.”
Von Hillern shrugged his fine shoulders.
“At his age! After the mother! That
is like an Englishman!”
Upon this, Fraulein Hirsch drew a
step nearer and fixed her eyes upon his, as she had
never had the joy of fixing them before in her life.
She dared it now because she had an interesting story
to tell him which he would like to hear. It was
like an Englishman. Lord Coombe had the character
of being one of the worst among them, but was too
subtle and clever to openly offend people. It
was actually said that he was educating the girl and
keeping her in seclusion and that it was probably
his colossal intention to marry her when she was old
enough. He had no heir of his own—and
he must have beauty and innocence. Innocence and
beauty his viciousness would have.
“Pah!” exclaimed von Hillern.
“It is youth which requires such things—and
takes them. That is all imbecile London gossip.
No, he would not run after her if she ran away.
He is a proud man and he knows he would be laughed
at. And he could not get her back from a young
man—who was her lover.”
Her lover! How it thrilled the
burning heart her poor, flat chest panted above.
With what triumphant knowledge of such things he said
it.
“No, he could not,” she
answered, her eyes still on his. “No one
could.”
He laughed a little, confidently,
but almost with light indifference.
“If she were missing, no particular
search would be made then,” he said. “She
is pretty enough to suit Berlin.”
He seemed to think pleasantly of something
as he stood still for a moment, his eyes on the floor.
When he lifted them, there was in their blue a hint
of ugly exulting, though Mathilde Hirsch did not think
it ugly. He spoke in a low voice.
“It will be an exciting—a
colossal day when we come to London—as
we shall. It will be as if an ocean had collected
itself into one huge mountain of a wave and swept
in and overwhelmed everything. There will be
confusion then and the rushing up of untrained soldiers—and
shouts—and yells——”
“And Zeppelins dropping bombs,”
she so far forgot herself as to pant out, “and
buildings crashing and pavements and people smashed!
Westminster and the Palaces rocking, and fat fools
running before bayonets.”
He interrupted her with a short laugh
uglier than the gleam in his eyes. He was a trifle
excited.
“And all the women running about
screaming and trying to hide and being pulled out.
We can take any of their pretty, little, high nosed
women we choose—any of them.”
“Yes,” she answered, biting
her lip. No one would take her, she knew.
He put on his overcoat and prepared
to leave her. As he stood at the door before
opening it, he spoke in his usual tone of mere command.
“Take her to Kensington Gardens
tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “Sit
in one of the seats near the Round Pond and watch the
children sailing their boats. I shall not be
there but you will find yourself near a quiet, elegant
woman in mourning who will speak to you. You
are to appear to recognize her as an old acquaintance.
Follow her suggestions in everything.”
After this he was gone and she sat
down to think it over.