When, from Robin’s embarrassed
young consciousness, there had welled up the hesitating
confession, “She—doesn’t like
me,” she could not, of course, have found words
in which to make the reasons for her knowledge clear,
but they had for herself no obscurity. The fair
being who, at rare intervals, fluttered on the threshold
of her world had a way of looking at her with a shade
of aloof distaste in her always transient gaze.
The unadorned fact was that Feather
did not like her. She had been outraged
by her advent. A baby was absurdly “out
of the picture.” So far as her mind encompassed
a future, she saw herself flitting from flower to
flower of “smart” pleasures and successes,
somehow, with more money and more exalted invitations—“something”
vaguely—having happened to the entire Lawdor
progeny, and she, therefore, occupying a position
in which it was herself who could gracefully condescend
to others. There was nothing so “stodgy”
as children in the vision. When the worst came
to the worst, she had been consoled by the thought
that she had really managed the whole thing very cleverly.
It was easier, of course, to so arrange such things
in modern days and in town. The Day Nursery and
the Night Nursery on the third floor, a smart-looking
young woman who knew her business, who even knew what
to buy for a child and where to buy it, without troubling
any one simplified the situation. Andrews had
been quite wonderful. Nobody can bother one about
a healthy, handsome child who is seen meticulously
cared for and beautifully dressed, being pushed or
led or carried out in the open air every day.
But there had arrived the special
morning when she had seen a child who so stood out
among a dozen children that she had been startled
when she recognized that it was Robin. Andrews
had taken her charge to Hyde Park that day and Feather
was driving through the Row on her way to a Knightsbridge
shop. First her glance had been caught by the
hair hanging to the little hips—extraordinary
hair in which Andrews herself had a pride. Then
she had seen the slender, exquisitely modeled legs,
and the dancing sway of the small body. A wonderfully
cut, stitched, and fagotted smock and hat she had,
of course, taken in at a flash. When the child
suddenly turned to look at some little girls in a
pony cart, the amazing damask of her colour, and form
and depth of eye had given her another slight shock.
She realized that what she had thrust lightly away
in a corner of her third floor produced an unmistakable
effect when turned out into the light of a gay world.
The creature was tall too—for six years
old. Was she really six? It seemed incredible.
Ten more years and she would be sixteen.
Mrs. Heppel-Bevill had a girl of fifteen,
who was a perfect catastrophe. She read things
and had begun to talk about her “right to be
a woman.” Emily Heppel-Bevill was only thirty-seven—three
years from forty. Feather had reached the stage
of softening in her disdain of the women in their
thirties. She had found herself admitting that—in
these days—there were women of forty who
had not wholly passed beyond the pale into that outer
darkness where there was weeping and wailing and gnashing
of teeth. But there was no denying that this
six year old baby, with the dancing step, gave one—almost
hysterically—“to think.”
Her imagination could not—never had and
never would she have allowed it to—grasp
any belief that she herself could change. A Feather,
No! But a creature of sixteen, eighteen—with
eyes that shape—with lashes an inch long—with
yards of hair—standing by one’s side
in ten years! It was ghastly!
Coombe, in his cold perfunctory way,
climbing the crooked, narrow stairs, dismissing Andrews—looking
over the rooms—dismissing them, so to speak,
and then remaining after the rest had gone to reveal
to her a new abnormal mood—that, in itself
alone, was actually horrible. It was abnormal
and yet he had always been more or less like that
in all things. Despite everything—everything—he
had never been in love with her at all. At first
she had believed he was—then she had tried
to make him care for her. He had never failed
her, he had done everything in his grand seigneur fashion.
Nobody dare make gross comment upon her, but, while
he saw her loveliness as only such a man could—she
had gradually realized that she had never had even
a chance with him. She could not even think that
if she had not been so silly and frightened that awful
day six years ago, and had not lost her head, he might
have admired her more and more and in the end asked
her to marry him. He had said there must be no
mistakes, and she had not been allowed to fall into
making one. The fact that she had not, had, finally,
made her feel the power of a certain fascination in
him. She thought it was a result of his special
type of looks, his breeding, the wonderful clothes
he wore—but it was, in truth, his varieties
of inaccessibility.
“A girl might like him,”
she had said to herself that night—she
sat up late after he left her. “A girl who—who
had up-to-date sense might. Modern people don’t
grow old as they used to. At fifty-five he won’t
be fat, or bald and he won’t have lost his teeth.
People have found out they needn’t. He
will be as thin and straight as he is today—and
nothing can alter his nose. He will be ten years
cleverer than he is now. Buying the house for
a child of that age—building additional
rooms for her!”
In the fevered, rapid, deep-dipping
whirl of the life which was the only one she knew,
she had often seen rather trying things happen—almost
unnatural changes in situations. People had overcome
the folly of being afraid to alter their minds and
their views about what they had temporarily believed
were permanent bonds and emotions. Bonds had
become old fogeyish. Marriages went to pieces,
the parties in love affairs engaged in a sort of “dance
down the middle” and turn other people’s
partners. The rearrangement of figures sometimes
made for great witticism. Occasionally people
laughed at themselves as at each other. The admirers
of engaging matrons had been known to renew their
youth at the coming-out balls of lovely daughters
in their early teens, and to end by assuming the flowery
chains of a new allegiance. Time had, of course,
been when such a volte face would have aroused condemnation
and indignant discussion, but a humorous leniency
spent but little time in selecting terms of severity.
Feather had known of several such contretemps ending
in quite brilliant matches. The enchanting mothers
usually consoled themselves with great ease, and, if
the party of each part was occasionally wittily pungent
in her comments on the other, everybody laughed and
nobody had time to criticize. A man who had had
much to bestow and who preferred in youth to bestow
it upon himself was not infrequently more in the mood
for the sharing of marriage when years had revealed
to him the distressing fact that he was not, and had
never been, the centre of the universe, which distressing
fact is one so unfairly concealed from youth in bloom.
It was, of course, but as a vaguely
outlined vision that these recognitions floated through
what could only be alleged to be Feather’s mind
because there was no other name for it. The dark
little staircase, the rejected and despised third floor,
and Coombe detachedly announcing his plans for the
house, had set the—so to speak—rather
malarious mist flowing around her. A trying thing
was that it did not really dispel itself altogether,
but continued to hang about the atmosphere surrounding
other and more cheerful things. Almost impalpably
it added to the familiar feeling—or lack
of feeling—with regard to Robin. She
had not at all hated the little thing; it had merely
been quite true that, in an inactive way, she had
not liked her. In the folds of the vague
mist quietly floated the truth that she now liked
her less.
Benby came to see and talk to her
on the business of the structural changes to be made.
He conducted himself precisely as though her views
on the matter were of value and could not, in fact,
be dispensed with. He brought the architect’s
plans with him and explained them with care.
They were clever plans which made the most of a limited
area. He did not even faintly smile when it revealed
itself to him, as it unconsciously did, that Mrs.
Gareth-Lawless regarded their adroit arrangement as
a singular misuse of space which could have been much
better employed for necessities of her own. She
was much depressed by the ground floor addition which
might have enlarged her dining-room, but which was
made into a sitting-room for Robin and her future governess.
“And that is in addition
to her schoolroom which might have been thrown into
the drawing-room—besides the new bedrooms
which I needed so much,” she said.
“The new nurse, who is a highly
respectable person,” explained Benby, “could
not have been secured if she had not known that improvements
were being made. The reconstruction of the third
floor will provide suitable accommodations.”
The special forte of Dowson, the new
nurse, was a sublimated respectability far superior
to smartness. She had been mystically produced
by Benby and her bonnets and jackets alone would have
revealed her selection from almost occult treasures.
She wore bonnets and “jackets,” not hats
and coats.
“In the calm days of Her Majesty,
nurses dressed as she does. I do not mean in
the riotous later years of her reign—but
earlier—when England dreamed in terms of
Crystal Palaces and Great Exhibitions. She can
only be the result of excavation,” Coombe said
of her.
She was as proud of her respectability
as Andrews had been of her smartness. This had,
in fact, proved an almost insuperable obstacle to
her engagement. The slice of a house, with its
flocking in and out of chattering, smart people in
marvellous clothes was not the place for her, nor
was Mrs. Gareth-Lawless the mistress of her dreams.
But her husband had met with an accident and must be
kept in a hospital, and an invalid daughter must live
by the seaside—and suddenly, when things
were at their worst with her, had come Benby with
a firm determination to secure her with wages such
as no other place would offer. Besides which
she had observed as she had lived.
“Things have changed,”
she reflected soberly. “You’ve got
to resign yourself and not be too particular.”
She accepted the third floor, as Benby
had said, because it was to be rearranged and the
Night and Day Nurseries, being thrown into one, repainted
and papered would make a decent place to live in.
At the beautiful little girl given into her charge
she often looked in a puzzled way, because she knew
a good deal about children, and about this one there
was something odd. Her examination of opened
drawers and closets revealed piles of exquisite garments
of all varieties, all perfectly kept. In these
dingy holes, which called themselves nurseries, she
found evidence that money had been spent like water
so that the child, when she was seen, might look like
a small princess. But she found no plaything—no
dolls or toys, and only one picture book, and that
had “Donal” written on the fly leaf and
evidently belonged to someone else.
What exactly she would have done when
she had had time to think the matter over, she never
knew, because, a few days after her arrival, a tall,
thin gentleman, coming up the front steps as she was
going out with Robin, stopped and spoke to her as if
he knew who she was.
“You know the kind of things
children like to play with, nurse?” he said.
She respectfully replied that she
had had long experience with young desires. She
did not know as yet who he was, but there was that
about him which made her feel that, while there was
no knowing what height his particular exaltation in
the matter of rank might reach, one would be safe
in setting it high.
“Please go to one of the toy
shops and choose for the child what she will like
best. Dolls—games—you will
know what to select. Send the bill to me at Coombe
House. I am Lord Coombe.”
“Thank you, my lord,”
Dowson answered, with a sketch of a curtsey, “Miss
Robin, you must hold out your little hand and say ’thank
you’ to his lordship for being so kind.
He’s told Dowson to buy you some beautiful dolls
and picture books as a present.”
Robin’s eyelashes curled against
her under brows in her wide, still glance upward at
him. Here was “the one” again!
She shut her hand tightly into a fist behind her back.
Lord Coombe smiled a little—not much.
“She does not like me,”
he said. “It is not necessary that she
should give me her hand. I prefer that she shouldn’t,
if she doesn’t want to. Good morning, Dowson.”
To the well-regulated mind of Dowson,
this seemed treating too lightly a matter as serious
as juvenile incivility. She remonstrated gravely
and at length with Robin.
“Little girls must behave prettily
to kind gentlemen who are friends of their mammas.
It is dreadful to be rude and not say ’thank
you’,” she said.
But as she talked she was vaguely
aware that her words passed by the child’s ears
as the summer wind passed. Perhaps it was all
a bit of temper and would disappear and leave no trace
behind. At the same time, there was something
queer about the little thing. She had a listless
way of sitting staring out of the window and seeming
to have no desire to amuse herself. She was too
young to be listless and she did not care for her
food. Dowson asked permission to send for the
doctor and, when he came, he ordered sea air.
“Of course, you can take her
away for a few weeks,” Mrs. Gareth-Lawless said.
Here she smiled satirically and added, “But I
can tell you what it is all about. The little
minx actually fell in love with a small boy she met
in the Square Gardens and, when his mother took him
from London, she began to mope like a tiresome girl
in her teens. It’s ridiculous, but is the
real trouble.”
“Oh!” said Dowson, the
low and respectful interjection expressing a shade
of disapproval, “Children do have fancies, ma’am.
She’ll get over it if we give her something
else to think of.”
The good woman went to one of the
large toy shops and bought a beautiful doll, a doll’s
house, and some picture books. When they were
brought up to the Day Nursery, Robin was asleep after
a rather long walk, which Dowson had decided would
be good for her. When she came later into the
room, after the things had been unpacked, she regarded
them with an expression of actual dislike.
“Isn’t that a beautiful
doll?” said Dowson, good-humouredly. “And
did you ever see such a lovely house? It was kind
Lord Coombe who gave them to you. Just you look
at the picture books.”
Robin put her hands behind her back
and would not touch them. Dowson, who was a motherly
creature with a great deal of commonsense, was set
thinking. She began to make guesses, though she
was not yet sufficiently familiar with the household
to guess from any firm foundation of knowledge of
small things.
“Come here, dear,” she
said, and drew the small thing to her knee. “Is
it because you don’t love Lord Coombe?”
she asked.
“Yes,” she answered.
“But why?” said Dowson. “When
he is such a kind gentleman?”
But Robin would not tell her why and
never did. She never told any one, until years
had passed, how this had been the beginning of a hatred.
The toys were left behind when she was taken to the
seaside. Dowson tried to persuade her to play
with them several times, but she would not touch them,
so they were put away. Feeling that she was dealing
with something unusual, and, being a kindly person,
Dowson bought her some playthings on her own account.
They were simple things, but Robin was ready enough
to like them.
“Did you give them to me?” she asked.
“Yes, I did, Miss Robin.”
The child drew near her after a full minute of hesitation.
“I will kiss you!”
she said solemnly, and performed the rite as whole-souledly
as Donal had done.
“Dear little mite!” exclaimed
the surprised Dowson. “Dear me!” And
there was actual moisture in her eyes as she squeezed
the small body in her arms.
“She’s the strangest mite
I ever nursed,” was her comment to Mrs. Blayne
below stairs. “It was so sudden, and she
did it as if she’d never done it before.
I’d actually been thinking she hadn’t any
feeling at all.”
“No reason why she should have.
She’s been taken care of by the clock and dressed
like a puppet, but she’s not been treated human!”
broke forth Mrs. Blayne.
Then the whole story was told—the
“upstairs” story with much vivid description,
and the mentioning of many names and the dotting of
many “i’s”. Dowson had heard
certain things only through vague rumour, but now
she knew and began to see her way. She had not
heard names before, and the definite inclusion of Lord
Coombe’s suggested something to her.
“Do you think the child could
be jealous of his lordship?” she suggested.
“She might if she knew anything
about him—but she never saw him until the
night she was taken down into the drawing-room.
She’s lived upstairs like a little dog in its
kennel.”
“Well,” Dowson reflected
aloud, “it sounds almost silly to talk of a
child’s hating any one, but that bit of a thing’s
eyes had fair hate in them when she looked up at him
where he stood. That was what puzzled me.”