If one were to devote one’s
mental energies to speculation as to what is going
on behind the noncommittal fronts of any row of houses
in any great city the imaginative mind might be led
far.
Bricks, mortar, windows, doors, steps
which lead up to the threshold, are what are to be
seen from the outside. Nothing particular may
be transpiring within the walls, or tragedies, crimes,
hideous suffering may be enclosed. The conclusion
is obvious to banality—but as suggestive
as banal—so suggestive in fact that the
hyper-sensitive and too imaginative had better, for
their own comfort’s sake, leave the matter alone.
In most cases the existing conditions would not be
altered even if one knocked at the door and insisted
on entering with drawn sword in the form of attendant
policeman The outside of the slice of a house in which
Feather lived was still rather fresh from its last
decorative touching up. It had been painted cream
colour and had white and windows and green window boxes
with variegated vinca vines trailing from them and
pink geraniums, dark blue lobelia and ferns filling
the earth stuffed in by the florist who provided such
adornments. Passers-by frequently glanced at
it and thought it a nice little house whose amusing
diminutiveness was a sort of attraction. It was
rather like a new doll’s house.
No one glancing at it in passing at
the closing of this particular day had reason to suspect
that any unaccustomed event was taking place behind
the cream-coloured front. The front door “brasses”
had been polished, the window-boxes watered and no
cries for aid issued from the rooms behind them.
The house was indeed quiet both inside and out.
Inside it was indeed even quieter than usual.
The servants’ preparation for departure had
been made gradually and undisturbedly. There
had been exhaustive quiet discussion of the subject
each night for weeks, even before Robert Gareth-Lawless’
illness. The smart young footman Edward who had
means of gaining practical information had constituted
himself a sort of private detective. He had in
time learned all that was to be learned. This,
it had made itself clear to him on investigation, was
not one of those cases when to wait for evolutionary
family events might be the part of discretion.
There were no prospects ahead—none at all.
Matters would only get worse and the whole thing would
end in everybody not only losing their unpaid back
wages but having to walk out into the street through
the door of a disgraced household whose owners would
be turned out into the street also when their belongings
were sold over their heads. Better get out before
everything went to pieces and there were unpleasantnesses.
There would be unpleasantnesses because there was
no denying that the trades-people had been played
tricks with. Mrs. Gareth-Lawless was only one
of a lot of pretty daughters whose father was a poor
country doctor in Jersey. He had had “a
stroke” himself and his widow would have nothing
to live on when he died. That was what Mrs. Lawless
had to look to. As to Lord Lawdor Edward had learned
from those who did know that he had never approved
of his nephew and that he’d said he was a fool
for marrying and had absolutely refused to have anything
to do with him. He had six boys and a girl now
and big estates weren’t what they had been, everyone
knew. There was only one thing left for Cook and
Edward and Emma and Louisa to do and that was to “get
out” without any talk or argument.
“She’s not one that won’t
find someone to look after her,” ended Edward.
“Somebody or other will take her up because they’ll
be sorry for her. But us lot aren’t widows
and orphans. No one’s going to be sorry
for us or care a hang what we’ve been let in
for. The longer we stay, the longer we won’t
be paid.” He was not a particularly depraved
or cynical young footman but he laughed a little at
the end of his speech. “There’s the
Marquis,” he added. “He’s been
running in and out long enough to make a good bit of
talk. Now’s his time to turn up.”
After she had taken her cup of tea
without cream Feather had fallen asleep in reaction
from her excited agitation. It was in accord
with the inevitable trend of her being that even before
her eyes closed she had ceased to believe that the
servants were really going to leave the house.
It seemed too ridiculous a thing to happen. She
was possessed of no logic which could lead her to a
realization of the indubitable fact that there was
no reason why servants who could neither be paid nor
provided with food should remain in a place.
The mild stimulation of the tea also gave rise to
the happy thought that she would not give them any
references if they “behaved badly”.
It did not present itself to her that references from
a house of cards which had ignominiously fallen to
pieces and which henceforth would represent only shady
failure, would be of no use. So she fell asleep.
* * * *
When she awakened the lights were
lighted in the streets and one directly across the
way threw its reflection into her bedroom. It
lit up the little table near which she had sat and
the first thing she saw was the pile of small account
books. The next was that the light which revealed
them also fell brightly on the glass knob of the door
which led into Robert’s room.
She turned her eyes away quickly with
a nervous shudder. She had a horror of the nearness
of Rob’s room. If there had been another
part of the house in which she could have slept she
would have fled to it as soon as he was taken ill.
But the house was too small to have “parts”.
The tiny drawing-rooms piled themselves on top of the
dining-room, the “master’s bedrooms”
on top of the drawing-rooms, and the nurseries and
attics where Robin and the servants slept one on the
other at the top of the house. So she had been
obliged to stay and endure everything. Rob’s
cramped quarters had always been full of smart boots
and the smell of cigars and men’s clothes.
He had moved about a good deal and had whistled and
laughed and sworn and grumbled. They had neither
of them had bad tempers so that they had not quarrelled
with each other. They had talked through the
open door when they were dressing and they had invented
clever tricks which helped them to get out of money
scrapes and they had gossiped and made fun of people.
And now the door was locked and the room was a sort
of horror. She could never think of it without
seeing the stiff hard figure on the bed, the straight
close line of the mouth and the white hard nose sharpened
and narrowed as Rob’s had never been. Somehow
she particularly could not bear the recollection of
the sharp unnatural modeling of the hard, white nose.
She could not bear it! She found herself
recalling it the moment she saw the light on the door
handle and she got up to move about and try to forget
it.
It was then that she went to the window
and looked down into the street, probably attracted
by some slight noise though she was not exactly aware
that she had heard anything.
She must have heard something however.
Two four-wheeled cabs were standing at the front door
and the cabman assisted by Edward were putting trunks
on top of them. They were servants’ trunks
and Cook was already inside the first cab which was
filled with paper parcels and odds and ends.
Even as her mistress watched Emma got in carrying
a sedate band-box. She was the house-parlourmaid
and a sedate person. The first cab drove away
as soon as its door was closed and the cabman mounted
to his seat. Louisa looking wholly unprofessional
without her nurse’s cap and apron and wearing
a tailor-made navy blue costume and a hat with a wing
in it, entered the second cab followed by Edward intensely
suggesting private life and possible connection with
a Bank. The second cab followed the first and
Feather having lost her breath looked after them as
they turned the corner of the street.
When they were quite out of sight
she turned back into the room. The colour had
left her skin, and her eyes were so wide stretched
and her face so drawn and pinched with abject terror
that her prettiness itself had left her.
“They’ve gone—all
of them!” she gasped. She stopped a moment,
her chest rising and falling. Then she added
even more breathlessly, “There’s no one
left in the house. It’s—empty!”
This was what was going on behind
the cream-coloured front, the white windows and green
flower-boxes of the slice of a house as motors and
carriages passed it that evening on their way to dinner
parties and theatres, and later as the policeman walked
up and down slowly upon his beat.
Inside a dim light in the small hall
showed a remote corner where on a peg above a decorative
seat hung a man’s hat of the highest gloss and
latest form; and on the next peg a smart evening overcoat.
They had belonged to Robert Gareth-Lawless who was
dead and needed such things no more. The same
dim light showed the steep narrowness of the white-railed
staircase mounting into gruesome little corners of
shadows, while the miniature drawing-rooms illumined
only from the street seemed to await an explanation
of dimness and chairs unfilled, combined with unnatural
silence.
It would have been the silence of
the tomb but that it was now and then broken by something
like a half smothered shriek followed by a sort of
moaning which made their way through the ceiling from
the room above.
Feather had at first run up and down
the room like a frightened cat as she had done in
the afternoon. Afterwards she had had something
like hysterics, falling face downward upon the carpet
and clutching her hair until it fell down. She
was not a person to be judged—she was one
of the unexplained incidents of existence. The
hour has passed when the clearly moral can sum up the
responsibilities of a creature born apparently without
brain, or soul or courage. Those who aspire to
such morals as are expressed by fairness—mere
fairness—are much given to hesitation.
Courage had never been demanded of Feather so far.
She had none whatever and now she only felt panic
and resentment. She had no time to be pathetic
about Robert, being too much occupied with herself.
Robert was dead—she was alive—here—in
an empty house with no money and no servants.
She suddenly and rather awfully realized that she
did not know a single person whom it would not be frantic
to expect anything from.
Nobody had money enough for themselves,
however rich they were. The richer they were
the more they needed. It was when this thought
came to her that she clutched her hands in her hair.
The pretty and smart women and agreeable more or less
good looking men who had chattered and laughed and
made love in her drawing-rooms were chattering, laughing
and making love in other houses at this very moment—or
they were at the theatre applauding some fashionable
actor-manager. At this very moment—while
she lay on the carpet in the dark and every little
room in the house had horror shut inside its closed
doors—particularly Robert’s room which
was so hideously close to her own, and where there
seemed still to lie moveless on the bed, the stiff
hard figure. It was when she recalled this that
the unnatural silence of the drawing-rooms was intruded
upon by the brief half-stifled hysteric shriek, and
the moaning which made its way through the ceiling.
She felt almost as if the door handle might turn and
something stiff and cold try to come in.
So the hours went on behind the cream-coloured
outer walls and the white windows and gay flower-boxes.
And the street became more and more silent—so
silent at last that when the policeman walked past
on his beat his heavy regular footfall seemed loud
and almost resounding.
To even vaguely put to herself any
question involving would not have been within the
scope of her mentality. Even when she began to
realize that she was beginning to feel faint for want
of food she did not dare to contemplate going downstairs
to look for something to eat. What did she know
about downstairs? She had never there and had
paid no attention whatever to Louisa’s complaints
that the kitchen and Servants’ Hall were small
and dark and inconvenient and that cockroaches ran
about. She had cheerfully accepted the simple
philosophy that London servants were used to these
things and if they did their work it did not really
matter. But to go out of one’s room in
the horrible stillness and creep downstairs, having
to turn up the gas as one went, and to face the basement
steps and cockroaches scuttling away, would be even
more impossible than to starve. She sat upon
the floor, her hair tumbling about her shoulders and
her thin black dress crushed.
“I’d give almost anything
for a cup of coffee,” she protested feebly.
“And there’s no use in ringing the
bell!”
Her mother ought to have come whether
her father was ill or not. He wasn’t dead.
Robert was dead and her mother ought to have come
so that whatever happened she would not be quite alone
and something could be done for her. It
was probably this tender thought of her mother which
brought back the recollection of her wedding day and
a certain wedding present she had received. It
was a pretty silver travelling flask and she remembered
that it must be in her dressing-bag now, and there
was some cognac left in it. She got up and went
to the place where the bag was kept. Cognac raised
your spirits and made you go to sleep, and if she
could sleep until morning the house would not be so
frightening by daylight—and something might
happen. The little flask was almost full.
Neither she nor Robert had cared much about cognac.
She poured some into a glass with water and drank
it.
Because she was unaccustomed to stimulant
it made her feel quite warm and in a few minutes she
forgot that she had been hungry and realized that
she was not so frightened. It was such a relief
not to be terrified; it was as if a pain had stopped.
She actually picked up one or two of the account books
and glanced at the totals. If you couldn’t
pay bills you couldn’t and nobody was put in
prison for debt in these days. Besides she would
not have been put in prison—Rob would—and
Rob was dead. Something would happen—something.
As she began to arrange her hair for
the night she remembered what Cook had said about
Lord Coombe. She has cried until she did not
look as lovely as usual, but after she had bathed her
eyes with cold rose-water they began to seem only
shadowy and faintly flushed. And her fine ash-gold
hair was wonderful when it hung over each shoulder
in wide, soft plaits. She might be a school-girl
of fifteen. A delicate lacy night-gown was one
of the most becoming things one wore. It was
a pity one couldn’t wear them to parties.
There was nothing the least indecent about them.
Millicent Hardwicke had been photographed in one of
hers and no one had suspected what it was. Yes;
she would send a little note to Coombe. She knew
Madame Helene had only let her have her beautiful mourning
because—. The things she had created were
quite unique—thin, gauzy, black, floating
or clinging. She had been quite happy the morning
she gave Helene her orders. Tomorrow when she
had slept through the night and it was broad daylight
again she would be able to think of things to say
in her letter to Lord Coombe. She would have
to be a little careful because he did not like things
to bore him.—Death and widows might—a
little—at first. She had heard him
say once that he did not wish to regard himself in
the light of a charitable institution. It wouldn’t
do to frighten him away. Perhaps if he continued
coming to the house and seemed very intimate the trades-people
might be managed.
She felt much less helpless and when
she was ready for bed she took a little more cognac.
The flush had faded from her eye-lids and bloomed
in delicious rose on her cheeks. As she crept
between the cool sheets and nestled down on her pillow
she had a delightful sense of increasing comfort—comfort.
What a beautiful thing it was to go to sleep!
And then she was disturbed-started
out of the divine doze stealing upon her-by a shrill
prolonged wailing shriek!
It came from the Night Nursery and
at the moment it seemed almost worse than anything
which had occurred all through the day. It brought
everything back so hideously. She had of course
forgotten Robin again-and it was Robin! And Louisa
had gone away with Edward. She had perhaps put
the child to sleep discreetly before she went.
And now she had wakened and was screaming. Feather
had heard that she was a child with a temper but by
fair means or foul Louisa had somehow managed to prevent
her from being a nuisance.
The shrieks shocked her into sitting
upright in bed. Their shrillness tearing through
the utter soundlessness of the empty house brought
back all her terrors and set her heart beating at
a gallop.
“I—I won’t!”
she protested, fairly with chattering teeth. “I
won’t! I won’t!”
She had never done anything for the
child since its birth, she did not know how to do
anything, she had not wanted to know. To reach
her now she would be obliged to go out in the dark-the
gas-jet she would have to light was actually close
to the outer door of Robert’s bedroom—the
room! If she did not die of panic while she was
trying to light it she would have to make her way almost
in the dark up the steep crooked little staircase
which led to the nurseries. And the awful little
creature’s screams would be going on all the
time making the blackness and dead silence of the house
below more filled with horror by contrast-more shut
off and at the same time more likely to waken to some
horror which was new.
“I-I couldn’t-even if
I wanted to!” she quaked. “I daren’t!
I daren’t! I wouldn’t do it—for
A million pounds?” And she flung herself
down again shuddering and burrowing her head under
the coverings and pillows she dragged over her ears
to shut out the sounds.
The screams had taken on a more determined
note and a fiercer shrillness which the still house
heard well and made the most of, but they were so
far deadened for Feather that she began beneath her
soft barrier to protest pantingly.
“I shouldn’t know what
to do if I went. If no one goes near her she’ll
cry herself to sleep. It’s—it’s
only temper. Oh-h! what a horrible wail!
It—it sounds like a—a lost soul!”
But she did not stir from the bed.
She burrowed deeper under the bed clothes and held
the pillow closer to her ears.
* * *
*
It did sound like a lost soul at times.
What panic possesses a baby who cries in the darkness
alone no one will ever know and one may perhaps give
thanks to whatever gods there be that the baby itself
does not remember. What awful woe of sudden unprotectedness
when life exists only through protection—what
piteous panic in the midst of black unmercifulness,
inarticulate sound howsoever wildly shrill can neither
explain nor express.
Robin knew only Louisa, warmth, food,
sleep and waking. Or if she knew more she was
not yet aware that she did. She had reached the
age when she generally slept through the night.
She might not have disturbed her mother until daylight
but Louisa had with forethought given her an infant
sleeping potion. It had disagreed with and awakened
her. She was uncomfortable and darkness enveloped
her. A cry or so and Louisa would ordinarily
have come to her sleepy, and rather out of temper,
but knowing what to do. In this strange night
the normal cry of warning and demand produced no result.
No one came. The discomfort continued—the
blackness remained black. The cries became shrieks—but
nothing followed; the shrieks developed into prolonged
screams. No Louisa, no light, no milk. The
blackness drew in closer and became a thing to be fought
with wild little beating hands. Not a glimmer—not
a rustle—not a sound! Then came the
cries of the lost soul—alone—alone—in
a black world of space in which there was not even
another lost soul. And then the panics of which
there have been no records and never will be, because
if the panic stricken does not die in mysterious convulsions
he or she grows away from the memory of a formless
past—except that perhaps unexplained nightmares
from which one wakens quaking, with cold sweat, may
vaguely repeat the long hidden thing.
What the child Robin knew in the dark
perhaps the silent house which echoed her might curiously
have known. But the shrieks wore themselves out
at last and sobs came—awful little sobs
shuddering through the tiny breast and shaking the
baby body. A baby’s sobs are unspeakable
things—incredible things. Slower and
slower Robin’s came—with small deep
gasps and chokings between—and when an
uninfantile druglike sleep came, the bitter, hopeless,
beaten little sobs went on.
But Feather’s head was still
burrowed under the soft protection of the pillow.