The subject of this Memoir, and Author
of the work which follows it, was born in Goodge Street,
Tottenham Court Road, London, on the 5th of February,
1832. He was my elder brother by about eighteen
months. Our father and mother had once been rich,
but through a succession of unavoidable misfortunes
they were left with but a very moderate income when
my brother and myself were about three and four years
old. My father died some five or six years afterwards,
and we only recollected him as a singularly gentle
and humorous playmate who doted upon us both and never
spoke unkindly. The charm of such a recollection
can never be dispelled; both my brother and myself
returned his love with interest, and cherished his
memory with the most affectionate regret, from the
day on which he left us till the time came that the
one of us was again to see him face to face.
So sweet and winning was his nature that his slightest
wish was our law—and whenever we pleased him, no
matter how little, he never failed to thank us as
though we had done him a service which we should have
had a perfect right to withhold. How proud were
we upon any of these occasions, and how we courted
the opportunity of being thanked! He did indeed
well know the art of becoming idolised by his children,
and dearly did he prize the results of his own proficiency;
yet truly there was no art about it; all arose spontaneously
from the wellspring of a sympathetic nature which
knew how to feel as others felt, whether old or young,
rich or poor, wise or foolish. On one point
alone did he neglect us—I refer to our religious
education. On all other matters he was the kindest
and most careful teacher in the world. Love
and gratitude be to his memory!
My mother loved us no less ardently
than my father, but she was of a quicker temper, and
less adept at conciliating affection. She must
have been exceedingly handsome when she was young,
and was still comely when we first remembered her;
she was also highly accomplished, but she felt my
father’s loss of fortune more keenly than my
father himself, and it preyed upon her mind, though
rather for our sake than for her own. Had we
not known my father we should have loved her better
than any one in the world, but affection goes by comparison,
and my father spoiled us for any one but himself;
indeed, in after life, I remember my mother’s
telling me, with many tears, how jealous she had often
been of the love we bore him, and how mean she had
thought it of him to entrust all scolding or repression
to her, so that he might have more than his due share
of our affection. Not that I believe my father
did this consciously; still, he so greatly hated scolding
that I dare say we might often have got off scot free
when we really deserved reproof had not my mother
undertaken the onus of scolding us herself. We
therefore naturally feared her more than my father,
and fearing more we loved less. For as love
casteth out fear, so fear love.
This must have been hard to bear,
and my mother scarcely knew the way to bear it.
She tried to upbraid us, in little ways, into loving
her as much as my father; the more she tried this,
the less we could succeed in doing it; and so on and
so on in a fashion which need not be detailed.
Not but what we really loved her deeply, while her
affection for us was unsurpassable still, we loved
her less than we loved my father, and this was the
grievance.
My father entrusted our religious
education entirely to my mother. He was himself,
I am assured, of a deeply religious turn of mind, and
a thoroughly consistent member of the Church of England;
but he conceived, and perhaps rightly, that it is
the mother who should first teach her children to
lift their hands in prayer, and impart to them a knowledge
of the One in whom we live and move and have our being.
My mother accepted the task gladly, for in spite of
a certain narrowness of view—the natural
but deplorable result of her earlier surroundings—she
was one of the most truly pious women whom I have
ever known; unfortunately for herself and us she had
been trained in the lowest school of Evangelical literalism—a
school which in after life both my brother and myself
came to regard as the main obstacle to the complete
overthrow of unbelief; we therefore looked upon it
with something stronger than aversion, and for my own
part I still deem it perhaps the most insidious enemy
which the cause of Christ has ever encountered.
But of this more hereafter.
My mother, as I said, threw her whole
soul into the work of our religious education.
Whatever she believed she believed literally, and,
if I may say so, with a harshness of realisation which
left very little scope for imagination or mystery.
Her plans of Heaven and solutions of life’s
enigmas were direct and forcible, but they could only
be reconciled with certain obvious facts—such
as the omnipotence and all-goodness of God—by
leaving many things absolutely out of sight.
And this my mother succeeded effectually in doing.
She never doubted that her opinions comprised the
truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth;
she therefore made haste to sow the good seed in our
tender minds, and so far succeeded that when my brother
was four years old he could repeat the Apostles’
Creed, the General Confession, and the Lord’s
Prayer without a blunder. My mother made herself
believe that he delighted in them; but, alas! it was
far otherwise; for, strange as it may appear concerning
one whose later life was a continual prayer, in childhood
he detested nothing so much as being made to pray
and to learn his Catechism. In this I am sorry
to say we were both heartily of a mind. As for
Sunday, the less said the better.
I have already hinted (but as a warning
to other parents I had better, perhaps, express myself
more plainly), that this aversion was probably the
result of my mother’s undue eagerness to reap
an artificial fruit of lip service, which could have
little meaning to the heart of one so young.
I believe that the severe check which the natural
growth of faith experienced in my brother’s case
was due almost entirely to this cause, and to the
school of literalism in which he had been trained;
but, however this may be, we both of us hated being
made to say our prayers—morning and evening
it was our one bugbear, and we would avoid it, as
indeed children generally will, by every artifice
which we could employ. Thus we were in the habit
of feigning to be asleep shortly before prayer time,
and would gratefully hear my father tell my mother
that it was a shame to wake us; whereon he would carry
us up to bed in a state apparently of the profoundest
slumber when we were really wide awake and in great
fear of detection. For we knew how to pretend
to be asleep, but we did not know how we ought to
wake again; there was nothing for it therefore when
we were once committed, but to go on sleeping till
we were fairly undressed and put to bed, and could
wake up safely in the dark. But deceit is never
long successful, and we were at last ignominiously
exposed.
It happened one evening that my mother
suspected my brother John, and tried to open his little
hands which were lying clasped in front of him.
Now my brother was as yet very crude and inconsistent
in his theories concerning sleep, and had no conception
of what a real sleeper would do under these circumstances.
Fear deprived him of his powers of reflection, and
he thus unfortunately concluded that because sleepers,
so far as he had observed them, were always motionless,
therefore, they must be quite rigid and incapable of
motion, and indeed that any movement, under any circumstances
(for from his earliest childhood he liked to carry
his theories to their legitimate conclusion), would
be physically impossible for one who was really sleeping;
forgetful, oh! unhappy one, of the flexibility of
his own body on being carried upstairs, and, more unhappy
still, ignorant of the art of waking. He, therefore,
clenched his fingers harder and harder as he felt
my mother trying to unfold them while his head hung
listless, and his eyes were closed I as though he were
sleeping sweetly. It is needless to detail the
agony of shame that followed. My mother begged
my father to box his ears, which my father flatly
refused to do. Then she boxed them herself, and
there followed a scene and a day or two of disgrace
for both of us.
Shortly after this there happened
another misadventure. A lady came to stay with
my mother, and was to sleep in a bed that had been
brought into our nursery, for my father’s fortunes
had already failed, and we were living in a humble
way. We were still but four and five years old,
so the arrangement was not unnatural, and it was assumed
that we should be asleep before the lady went to bed,
and be downstairs before she would get up in the morning.
But the arrival of this lady and her being put to
sleep in the nursery were great events to us in those
days, and being particularly wanted to go to sleep,
we of course sat up in bed talking and keeping ourselves
awake till she should come upstairs. Perhaps
we had fancied that she would give us something, but
if so we were disappointed. However, whether
this was the case or not, we were wide awake when our
visitor came to bed, and having no particular object
to gain, we made no pretence of sleeping. The
lady kissed us both, told us to lie still and go to
sleep like good children, and then began doing her
hair.
I remember that this was the occasion
on which my brother discovered a good many things
in connection with the fair sex which had hitherto
been beyond his ken; more especially that the mass
of petticoats and clothes which envelop the female
form were not, as he expressed it to me, “all
solid woman,” but that women were not in reality
more substantially built than men, and had legs as
much as he had, a fact which he had never yet realised.
On this he for a long time considered them as impostors,
who had wronged him by leading him to suppose that
they had far more “body in them” (so he
said), than he now found they had. This was
a sort of thing which he regarded with stern moral
reprobation. If he had been old enough to have
a solicitor I believe he would have put the matter
into his hands, as well as certain other things which
had lately troubled him. For but recently my
mother had bought a fowl, and he had seen it plucked,
and the inside taken out; his irritation had been
extreme on discovering that fowls were not all solid
flesh, but that their insides—and these
formed, as it appeared to him, an enormous percentage
of the bird—were perfectly useless.
He was now beginning to understand that sheep and
cows were also hollow as far as good meat was concerned;
the flesh they had was only a mouthful in comparison
with what they ought to have considering their apparent
bulk— insignificant, mere skin and bone
covering a cavern. What right had they, or anything
else, to assert themselves as so big, and prove so
empty? And now this discovery of woman’s
falsehood was quite too much for him. The world
itself was hollow, made up of shams and delusions,
full of sound and fury signifying nothing.
Truly a prosaic young gentleman enough.
Everything with him was to be exactly in all its
parts what it appeared on the face of it, and everything
was to go on doing exactly what it had been doing
hitherto. If a thing looked solid, it was to
be very solid; if hollow, very hollow; nothing was
to be half and half, and nothing was to change unless
he had himself already become accustomed to its times
and manners of changing; there were to be no exceptions
and no contradictions; all things were to be perfectly
consistent, and all premises to be carried with extremest
rigour to their legitimate conclusions. Heaven
was to be very neat (for he was always tidy himself),
and free from sudden shocks to the nervous system,
such as those caused by dogs barking at him, or cows
driven in the streets. God was to resemble my
father, and the Holy Spirit to bear some sort of indistinct
analogy to my mother.
Such were the ideal theories of his
childhood—unconsciously formed, but very
firmly believed in. As he grew up he made such
modifications as were forced upon him by enlarged perceptions,
but every modification was an effort to him, in spite
of a continual and successful resistance to what he
recognised as his initial mental defect.
I may perhaps be allowed to say here,
in reference to a remark in the preceding paragraph,
that both my brother and myself used to notice it
as an almost invariable rule that children’s
earliest ideas of God are modelled upon the character
of their father—if they have one.
Should the father be kind, considerate, full of the
warmest love, fond of showing it, and reserved only
about his displeasure, the child having learned to
look upon God as His Heavenly Father through the Lord’s
Prayer and our Church Services, will feel towards God
as he does towards his own father; this conception
will stick to a man for years and years after he has
attained manhood—probably it will never
leave him. For all children love their fathers
and mothers, if these last will only let them; it
is not a little unkindness that will kill so hardy
a plant as the love of a child for its parents.
Nature has allowed ample margin for many blunders,
provided there be a genuine desire on the parent’s
part to make the child feel that he is loved, and
that his natural feelings are respected. This
is all the religious education which a child should
have. As he grows older he will then turn naturally
to the waters of life, and thirst after them of his
own accord by reason of the spiritual refreshment which
they, and they only, can afford. Otherwise he
will shrink from them, on account of his recollection
of the way in which he was led down to drink against
his will, and perhaps with harshness, when all the
analogies with which he was acquainted pointed in the
direction of their being unpleasant and unwholesome.
So soul-satisfying is family affection to a child,
that he who has once enjoyed it cannot bear to be
deprived of the hope that he is possessed in Heaven
of a parent who is like his earthly father—of
a friend and counsellor who will never, never fail
him. There is no such religious nor moral education
as kindly genial treatment and a good example; all
else may then be let alone till the child is old enough
to feel the want of it. It is true that the
seed will thus be sown late, but in what a soil!
On the other hand, if a man has found his earthly
father harsh and uncongenial, his conception of his
Heavenly Parent will be painful. He will begin
by seeing God as an exaggerated likeness of his father.
He will therefore shrink from Him. The rottenness
of stillborn love in the heart of a child poisons
the blood of the soul, and hence, later, crime.
To return, however, to the lady.
When she had put on her night-gown, she knelt down
by her bedside and, to our consternation, began to
say her prayers. This was a cruel blow to both
of us; we had always been under the impression that
grownup people were not made to say their prayers,
and the idea of any one saying them of his or her own
accord had never occurred to us as possible.
Of course the lady would not say her prayers if she
were not obliged; and yet she did say them; therefore
she must be obliged to say them; therefore we should
be obliged to say them, and this was a very great
disappointment. Awe-struck and open-mouthed
we listened while the lady prayed in sonorous accents,
for many things which I do not now remember, and finally
for my father and mother and for both of us—shortly
afterwards she rose, blew out the light and got into
bed. Every word that she said had confirmed
our worst apprehensions; it was just what we had been
taught to say ourselves.
Next morning we compared notes and
drew the most painful inferences; but in the course
of the day our spirits rallied. We agreed that
there were many mysteries in connection with life and
things which it was high time to unravel, and that
an opportunity was now afforded us which might not
readily occur again. All we had to do was to
be true to ourselves and equal to the occasion.
We laid our plans with great astuteness. We
would be fast asleep when the lady came up to bed,
but our heads should be turned in the direction of
her bed, and covered with clothes, all but a single
peep-hole. My brother, as the eldest, had clearly
a right to be nearest the lady, but I could see very
well, and could depend on his reporting faithfully
whatever should escape me.
There was no chance of her giving
us anything—if she had meant to do so she
would have done it sooner; she might, indeed, consider
the moment of her departure as the most auspicious
for this purpose, but then she was not going yet,
and the interval was at our own disposal. We
spent the afternoon in trying to learn to snore, but
we were not certain about it, and in the end regretfully
concluded that as snoring was not de rigueur we had
better dispense with it.
We were put to bed; the light was
taken away; we were told to go to sleep, and promised
faithfully that we would do so; the tongue indeed
swore, but the mind was unsworn. It was agreed
that we should keep pinching one another to prevent
our going to sleep. We did so at frequent intervals;
at last our patience was rewarded with the heavy creak,
as of a stout elderly lady labouring up the stairs,
and presently our victim entered.
To cut a long story short, the lady
on satisfying herself that we were asleep, never said
her prayers at all; during the remainder of her visit
whenever she found us awake she always said them, but
when she thought we were asleep, she never prayed.
It is needless to add that we had the matter out
with her before she left, and that the consequences
were unpleasant for all parties; they added to the
troubles in which we were already involved as to our
prayers, and were indirectly among the earliest causes
which led my brother to look with scepticism upon
religion.
For a while, however, all went on
as though nothing had happened. An effect of
distrust, indeed, remained after the cause had been
forgotten, but my brother was still too young to oppose
anything that my mother told him, and to all outward
appearance he grew in grace no less rapidly than in
stature.
For years we led a quiet and eventless
life, broken only by the one great sorrow of our father’s
death. Shortly after this we were sent to a
day school in Bloomsbury. We were neither of
us very happy there, but my brother, who always took
kindly to his books, picked up a fair knowledge of
Latin and Greek; he also learned to draw, and to exercise
himself a little in English composition. When
I was about fourteen my mother capitalised a part
of her income and started me off to America, where
she had friends who could give me a helping hand;
by their kindness I was enabled, after an absence of
twenty years, to return with a handsome income, but
not, alas, before the death of my mother.
Up to the time of my departure my
mother continued to read the Bible with us and explain
it. She had become deeply impressed with the
millenarian fervour which laid hold of so many some
twenty-five or thirty years ago. The Apocalypse
was perhaps her favourite book in the Bible, and she
was imbued with the fullest conviction that all the
threatened horrors with which it teems were upon the
eve of their accomplishment. The year eighteen
hundred and forty-eight was to be (as indeed it was)
a time of general bloodshed and confusion, while in
eighteen hundred and sixty-six, should it please God
to spare her, her eyes would be gladdened by the visible
descent of the Son of Man with a shout, with the voice
of the Archangel, with the trump of God; and the dead
in Christ should rise first; then she, as one of them
that were alive, would be caught up with other saints
into the air, and would possibly receive while rising
some distinguishing token of confidence and approbation
which should fall with due impressiveness upon the
surrounding multitude; then would come the consummation
of all things, and she would be ever with the Lord.
She died peaceably in her bed before she could know
that a commercial panic was the nearest approach to
the fulfilment of prophecy which the year eighteen
hundred and sixty-six brought forth.
These opinions of my mother’s
were positively disastrous—injuring her
naturally healthy and vigorous mind by leading her
to indulge in all manner of dreamy and fanciful interpretations
of Scripture, which any but the most narrow literalist
would feel at once to be untenable. Thus several
times she expressed to us her conviction that my brother
and myself were to be the two witnesses mentioned in
the eleventh chapter of the Book of Revelation, and
dilated upon the gratification she should experience
upon finding that we had indeed been reserved for
a position of such distinction. We were as yet
mere children, and naturally took all for granted that
our mother told us; we therefore made a careful examination
of the passage which threw light upon our future;
but on finding that the prospect was gloomy and full
of bloodshed we protested against the honours which
were intended for us, more especially when we reflected
that the mother of the two witnesses was not menaced
in Scripture with any particular discomfort.
If we were to be martyrs, my mother ought to wish
to be a martyr too, whereas nothing was farther from
her intention. Her notion clearly was that we
were to be massacred somewhere in the streets of London,
in consequence of the anti-Christian machinations
of the Pope; that after lying about unburied for three
days and a half we were to come to life again; and,
finally, that we should conspicuously ascend to heaven,
in front, perhaps, of the Foundling Hospital.
She was not herself indeed to share
either our martyrdom or our glorification, but was
to survive us many years on earth, living in an odour
of great sanctity and reflected splendour, as the central
and most august figure in a select society. She
would perhaps be able indirectly, through her sons’
influence with the Almighty, to have a voice in most
of the arrangements both of this world and of the
next. If all this were to come true (and things
seemed very like it), those friends who had neglected
us in our adversity would not find it too easy to
be restored to favour, however greatly they might
desire it—that is to say, they would not
have found it too easy in the case of one less magnanimous
and spiritually-minded than herself. My mother
said but little of the above directly, but the fragments
which occasionally escaped her were pregnant, and on
looking back it is easy to perceive that she must
have been building one of the most stupendous aerial
fabrics that have ever been reared.
I have given the above in its more
amusing aspect, and am half afraid that I may appear
to be making a jest of weakness on the part of one
of the most devotedly unselfish mothers who have ever
existed. But one can love while smiling, and
the very wildness of my mother’s dream serves
to show how entirely her whole soul was occupied with
the things which are above. To her, religion
was all in all; the earth was but a place of pilgrimage—only
so far important as it was a possible road to heaven.
She impressed this upon both of us by every word
and action—instant in season and out of
season, so that she might fill us more deeply with
a sense of God. But the inevitable consequences
happened; my mother had aimed too high and had overshot
her mark. The influence indeed of her guileless
and unworldly nature remained impressed upon my brother
even during the time of his extremest unbelief (perhaps
his ultimate safety is in the main referable to this
cause, and to the happy memories of my father, which
had predisposed him to love God), but my mother had
insisted on the most minute verbal accuracy of every
part of the Bible; she had also dwelt upon the duty
of independent research, and on the necessity of giving
up everything rather than assent to things which our
conscience did not assent to. No one could have
more effectually taught us to try to think
the truth, and we had taken her at her word because
our hearts told us that she was right. But she
required three incompatible things. When my
brother grew older he came to feel that independent
and unflinching examination, with a determination
to abide by the results, would lead him to reject the
point which to my mother was more important than any
other—I mean the absolute accuracy of the
Gospel records. My mother was inexpressibly
shocked at hearing my brother doubt the authenticity
of the Epistle to the Hebrews; and then, as it appeared
to him, she tried to make him violate the duties of
examination and candour which he had learnt too thoroughly
to unlearn. Thereon came pain and an estrangement
which was none the less profound for being mutually
concealed.
This estrangement was the gradual
work of some five or six years, during which my brother
was between eleven and seventeen years old. At
seventeen, I am told that he was remarkably well informed
and clever. His manners were, like my father’s,
singularly genial, and his appearance very prepossessing.
He had as yet no doubt concerning the soundness of
any fundamental Christian doctrine, but his mind was
too active to allow of his being contented with my
mother’s child-like faith. There were
points on which he did not indeed doubt, but which
it would none the less be interesting to consider;
such for example as the perfectibility of the regenerate
Christian, and the meaning of the mysterious central
chapters of the Epistle to the Romans. He was
engaged in these researches though still only a boy,
when an event occurred which gave the first real shock
to his faith.
He was accustomed to teach in a school
for the poorest children every Sunday afternoon, a
task for which his patience and good temper well fitted
him. On one occasion, however, while he was explaining
the effect of baptism to one of his favourite pupils,
he discovered to his great surprise that the boy had
never been baptised. He pushed his inquiries
further, and found that out of the fifteen boys in
his class only five had been baptised, and, not only
so, but that no difference in disposition or conduct
could be discovered between the regenerate boys and
the unregenerate. The good and bad boys were
distributed in proportions equal to the respective
numbers of the baptised and unbaptised. In spite
of a certain impetuosity of natural character, he
was also of a matter-of-fact and experimental turn
of mind; he therefore went through the whole school,
which numbered about a hundred boys, and found out
who had been baptised and who had not. The same
results appeared. The majority had not been
baptised; yet the good and bad dispositions were so
distributed as to preclude all possibility of maintaining
that the baptised boys were better than the unbaptised.
The reader may smile at the idea of
any one’s faith being troubled by a fact of
which the explanation is so obvious, but in truth my
brother was seriously and painfully shocked.
The teacher to whom he applied for a solution of the
difficulty was not a man of any real power, and reported
my brother to the rector for having disturbed the
school by his inquiries. The rector was old and
self-opinionated; the difficulty, indeed, was plainly
as new to him as it had been to my brother, but instead
of saying so at once, and referring to any recognised
theological authority, he tried to put him off with
words which seemed intended to silence him rather
than to satisfy him; finally he lost his temper, and
my brother fell under suspicion of unorthodoxy.
This kind of treatment might answer
with some people, but not with my brother. He
alludes to it resentfully in the introductory chapter
of his book. He became suspicious that a preconceived
opinion was being defended at the expense of honest
scrutiny, and was thus driven upon his own unaided
investigation. The result may be guessed:
he began to go astray, and strayed further and further.
The children of God, he reasoned, the members of
Christ and inheritors of the kingdom of Heaven, were
no more spiritually minded than the children of the
world and the devil. Was then the grace of God
a gift which left no trace whatever upon those who
were possessed of it—a thing the presence
or absence of which might be ascertained by consulting
the parish registry, but was not discernible in conduct?
The grace of man was more clearly perceptible than
this. Assuredly there must be a screw loose
somewhere, which, for aught he knew, might be jeopardising
the salvation of all Christendom. Where then
was this loose screw to be found?
He concluded after some months of
reflection that the mischief was caused by the system
of sponsors and by infant baptism. He therefore,
to my mother’s inexpressible grief, joined the
Baptists and was immersed in a pond near Dorking.
With the Baptists he remained quiet about three months,
and then began to quarrel with his instructors as
to their doctrine of predestination. Shortly
afterwards he came accidentally upon a fascinating
stranger who was no less struck with my brother than
my brother with him, and this gentleman, who turned
out to be a Roman Catholic missionary, landed him
in the Church of Rome, where he felt sure that he had
now found rest for his soul. But here, too,
he was mistaken; after about two years he rebelled
against the stifling of all free inquiry; on this
rebellion the flood-gates of scepticism were opened,
and he was soon battling with unbelief. He then
fell in with one who was a pure Deist, and was shorn
of every shred of dogma which he had ever held, except
a belief in the personality and providence of the Creator.
On reviewing his letters written to
me about this time, I am painfully struck with the
manner in which they show that all these pitiable
vagaries were to be traced to a single cause—a
cause which still exists to the misleading of hundreds
of thousands, and which, I fear, seems likely to continue
in full force for many a year to come—I mean, to
a false system of training which teaches people to
regard Christianity as a thing one and indivisible,
to be accepted entirely in the strictest reading of
the letter, or to be rejected as absolutely untrue.
The fact is, that all permanent truth is as one of
those coal measures, a seam of which lies near the
surface, and even crops up above the ground, but which
is generally of an inferior quality and soon worked
out; beneath it there comes a layer of sand and clay,
and then at last the true seam of precious quality
and in virtually inexhaustible supply. The truth
which is on the surface is rarely the whole truth.
It is seldom until this has been worked out and done
with—as in the case of the apparent flatness
of the earth— that unchangeable truth is
discovered. It is the glory of the Lord to conceal
a matter: it is the glory of the king to find
it out. If my brother, from whom I have taken
the above illustration, had had some judicious and
wide-minded friend to correct and supplement the mainly
admirable principles which had been instilled into
him by my mother, he would have been saved years of
spiritual wandering; but, as it was, he fell in with
one after another, each in his own way as literal
and unspiritual as the other—each impressed
with one aspect of religious truth, and with one only.
In the end he became perhaps the widest-minded and
most original thinker whom I have ever met; but no
one from his early manhood could have augured this
result; on the contrary, he shewed every sign of being
likely to develop into one of those who can never
see more than one side of a question at a time, in
spite of their seeing that side with singular clearness
of mental vision. In after life, he often met
with mere lads who seemed to him to be years and years
in advance of what he had been at their age, and would
say, smiling, “With a great sum obtained I this
freedom; but thou wast free-born.”
Yet when one comes to think of it,
a late development and laborious growth are generally
more fruitful than those which are over-early luxuriant.
Drawing an illustration from the art of painting,
with which he was well acquainted, my brother used
to say that all the greatest painters had begun with
a hard and precise manner from which they had only
broken after several years of effort; and that in like
manner all the early schools were founded upon definiteness
of outline to the exclusion of truth of effect.
This may be true; but in my brother’s case
there was something even more unpromising than this;
there was a commonness, so to speak, of mental execution,
from which no one could have foreseen his after-emancipation.
Yet in the course of time he was indeed emancipated
to the very uttermost, while his bonds will, I firmly
trust, be found to have been of inestimable service
to the whole human race.
For although it was so many years
before he was enabled to see the Christian scheme
as A whole, or even to conceive the idea
that there was any whole at all, other than each one
of the stages of opinion through which he was at the
time passing; yet when the idea was at length presented
to him by one whom I must not name, the discarded
fragments of his faith assumed shape, and formed themselves
into a consistently organised scheme. Then became
apparent the value of his knowledge of the details
of so many different sides of Christian verity.
Buried in the details, he had hitherto ignored the
fact that they were only the unessential developments
of certain component parts. Awakening to the
perception of the whole after an intimate acquaintance
with the details, he was able to realise the position
and meaning of all that he had hitherto experienced
in a way which has been vouchsafed to few, if any
others.
Thus he became truly a broad Churchman.
Not broad in the ordinary and ill-considered use
of the term (for the broad Churchman is as little
able to sympathise with Romanists, extreme High Churchmen
and Dissenters, as these are with himself—he
is only one of a sect which is called by the name
broad, though it is no broader than its own base),
but in the true sense of being able to believe in the
naturalness, legitimacy, and truth qua Christianity
even of those doctrines which seem to stand most widely
and irreconcilably asunder.