VALOR, n. A soldierly compound
of vanity, duty and the gambler’s hope.
“Why have you halted?” roared
the commander of a division and
Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge; “move
forward, sir, at once.”
“General,” said the commander
of the delinquent brigade, “I am
persuaded that any further display of valor by my
troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.”
VANITY, n. The tribute of a
fool to the worth of the nearest ass.
They say that hens do cackle loudest when
There’s
nothing vital in the eggs they’ve laid;
And there are
hens, professing to have made
A study of mankind, who say that men
Whose business ’tis to drive the
tongue or pen
Make the most
clamorous fanfaronade
O’er their
most worthless work; and I’m afraid
They’re not entirely different from
the hen.
Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold,
His blazing breeches
and high-towering cap —
Imperiously pompous, grandly bold,
Grim, resolute,
an awe-inspiring chap!
Who’d think this gorgeous creature’s
only virtue
Is that in battle he will never hurt you?
Hannibal Hunsiker
VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.
VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood
by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment
in their wit.
VOTE, n. The instrument and
symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of
himself and a wreck of his country.
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