The Crushed Flower & Other Stories

They pointed the finger at Judas, and some in contempt, others with hatred and fear, said: 

“Look, that is Judas the Traitor!”

This already began to be the opprobrious title, to which he had doomed himself throughout the ages.  Thousands of years may pass, nation may supplant nation, and still the air will resound with the words, uttered with contempt and fear by good and bad alike: 

“Judas the Traitor!”

But he listened imperturbably to what was said of him, dominated by a feeling of burning, all-subduing curiosity.  Ever since the morning when they led forth Jesus from the guardroom, after scourging Him, Judas had followed Him, strangely enough feeling neither grief nor pain nor joy—­only an unconquerable desire to see and hear everything.  Though he had had no sleep the whole night, his body felt light; when he was crushed and prevented from advancing, he elbowed his way through the crowd and adroitly wormed himself into the front place; and not for a moment did his vivid quick eye remain at rest.  At the examination of Jesus before Caiaphas, in order not to lose a word, he hollowed his hand round his ear, and nodded his head in affirmation, murmuring: 

“Just so!  Thou hearest, Jesus?”

But he was a prisoner, like a fly tied to a thread, which, buzzing, flies hither and thither, but cannot for one moment free itself from the tractable but unyielding thread.

Certain stony thoughts lay at the back of his head, and to these he was firmly bound; he knew not, as it were, what these thoughts were; he did not wish to stir them up, but he felt them continually.  At times they would come to him all of a sudden, oppress him more and more, and begin to crush him with their unimaginable weight, as though the vault of a rocky cavern were slowly and terribly descending upon his head.

Then he would grip his heart with his hand, and strive to set his whole body in motion, as though he were perishing with cold, and hasten to shift his eyes to a fresh place, and again to another.  When they led Jesus away from Caiaphas, he met His weary eyes quite close, and, somehow or other, unconsciously he gave Him several friendly nods.

“I am here, my Son, I am here,” he muttered hurriedly, and maliciously poked to some gaper in the back who stood in his way.

And now, in a huge shouting crowd, they all moved on to Pilate for the last examination and trial, and with the same insupportable curiosity Judas searched the faces of the ever swelling multitude.  Many were quite unknown to him; Judas had never seen them before, but some were there who had cried, “Hosanna!” to Jesus, and at each step the number of them seemed to increase.

“Well, well!” thought Judas, and his head spun round as if he were drunk, “the worst is over.  Directly they will be crying:  ’He is ours, He is Jesus!  What are you about?’ and all will understand, and—­”

But the believers walked in silence.  Some hypocritically smiled, as if to say:  “The affair is none of ours!” Others spoke with constraint, but their low voices were drowned in the rumbling of movement, and the loud delirious shouts of His enemies.

And Judas felt better again.  Suddenly he noticed Thomas cautiously slipping through the crowd not far off, and struck by a sudden thought, he was about to go up to him.  At the sight of the traitor, Thomas was frightened, and tried to hide himself.  But in a little narrow street, between two walls, Judas overtook him.

“Thomas, wait a bit!”

Thomas stopped, and stretching both hands out in front of him solemnly pronounced the words: 

“Avaunt, Satan!”

Iscariot made an impatient movement of the hands.

“What a fool you are, Thomas!  I thought that you had more sense than the others.  Satan indeed!  That requires proof.”

Letting his hands fall, Thomas asked in surprise: 

“But did not you betray the Master?  I myself saw you bring the soldiers, and point Him out to them.  If this is not treachery, I should like to know what is!”

“Never mind that,” hurriedly said Judas.  “Listen, there are many of you here.  You must all gather together, and loudly demand:  ’Give up Jesus.  He is ours!’ They will not refuse you, they dare not.  They themselves will understand.”

“What do you mean!  What are you thinking of!” said Thomas, with a decisive wave of his hands.  “Have you not seen what a number of armed soldiers and servants of the Temple there are here?  Moreover, the trial has not yet taken place, and we must not interfere with the court.  Surely he understands that Jesus is innocent, and will order His release without delay.”

“You, then, think so too,” said Judas thoughtfully.  “Thomas, Thomas, what if it be the truth?  What then?  Who is right?  Who has deceived Judas?”

“We were all talking last night, and came to the conclusion that the court cannot condemn the innocent.  But if it does, why then—­”

“What then!”

“Why, then it is no court.  And it will be the worse for them when they have to give an account before the real Judge.”

“Before the real!  Is there any ‘real’ left?” sneered Judas.

“And all of our party cursed you; but since you say that you were not the traitor, I think you ought to be tried.”

Judas did not want to hear him out; but turned right about, and hurried down the street in the wake of the retreating crowd.  He soon, however, slackened his pace, mindful of the fact that a crowd always travels slowly, and that a single pedestrian will inevitably overtake it.

When Pilate led Jesus out from his palace, and set Him before the people, Judas, crushed against a column by the heavy backs of the soldiers, furiously turning his head about to see something between two shining helmets, suddenly felt clearly that the worst was over.  He saw Jesus in the sunshine, high above the heads of the crowd, blood-stained, pale with a crown of thorns, the sharp spikes of which pressed into His forehead.

He stood on the edge of an elevation, visible from His head to His small, sunburnt feet, and waited so calmly, was so serene in His immaculate purity, that only a blind man, who perceived not the very sun, could fail to see, only a madman would not understand.  And the people held their peace—­it was so still, that Judas heard the breathing of the soldier in front of him, and how, at each breath, a strap creaked somewhere about his body.

“Yes, it will soon be over!  They will understand immediately,” thought Judas, and suddenly something strange, like the dazzling joy of falling from a giddy height into a blue sparkling abyss, arrested his heart-beats.

Contemptuously drawing his lips down to his rounded well-shaven chin, Pilate flung to the crowd the dry, curt words—­as one throws bones to a pack of hungry hounds—­thinking to cheat their longing for fresh blood and living, palpitating flesh: 

“You have brought this Man before me as a corrupter of the people, and behold I have examined Him before you, and I find this Man guiltless of that of which you accuse Him….”

Judas closed his eyes.  He was waiting.

All the people began to shout, to sob, to howl with a thousand voices of wild beasts and men: 

“Put Him to death!  Crucify Him!  Crucify Him!” And as though in self-mockery, as though wishing in one moment to plumb the very depths of all possible degradation, madness and shame, the crowd cries out, sobs, and demands with a thousand voices of wild beasts and men: 

“Release unto us Barabbas!  But crucify Him!  Crucify Him!”

But the Roman had evidently not yet said his last word.  Over his proud, shaven countenance there passed convulsions of disgust and anger.  He understood!  He has understood all along!  He speaks quietly to his attendants, but his voice is not heard in the roar of the crowd.  What does he say?  Is he ordering them to bring swords, and to smite those maniacs?

“Bring water.”

“Water?  What water?  What for?”

Ah, lo! he washes his hands.  Why does he wash his clean white hands all adorned with rings?  He lifts them and cries angrily to the people, whom surprise holds in silence: 

“I am innocent of the blood of this Just Person.  See ye to it.”

While the water is still dripping from his fingers on to the marble pavement, something soft prostrates itself at his feet, and sharp, burning lips kiss his hand, which he is powerless to withdraw, glue themselves to it like tentacles, almost bite and draw blood.  He looks down in disgust and fear, and sees a great squirming body, a strangely twofold face, and two immense eyes so queerly diverse from one another that, as it were, not one being but a number of them clung to his hands and feet.  He heard a broken, burning whisper: 

“O wise and noble… wise and noble.”

And with such a truly satanic joy did that wild face blaze, that, with a cry, Pilate kicked him away, and Judas fell backwards.  And there he lay upon the stone flags like an overthrown demon, still stretching out his hand to the departing Pilate, and crying as one passionately enamoured: 

“O wise, O wise and noble….”

Then he gathered himself up with agility, and ran away followed by the laughter of the soldiery.  Evidently there was yet hope.  When they come to see the cross, and the nails, then they will understand, and then….  What then?  He catches sight of the panic-stricken Thomas in passing, and for some reason or other reassuringly nods to him; he overtakes Jesus being led to execution.  The walking is difficult, small stones roll under the feet, and suddenly Judas feels that he is tired.  He gives himself up wholly to the trouble of deciding where best to plant his feet, he looks dully around, and sees Mary Magdalene weeping, and a number of women weeping—­hair dishevelled, eyes red, lips distorted—­all the excessive grief of a tender woman’s soul when submitted to outrage.  Suddenly he revives, and seizing the moment, runs up to Jesus: 

“I go with Thee,” he hurriedly whispers.

The soldiers drive him away with blows of their whips, and squirming so as to avoid the blows, and showing his teeth at the soldiers, he explains hurriedly: 

“I go with Thee.  Thither.  Thou understandest whither.”

He wipes the blood from his face, shakes his fist at one of the soldiers, who turns round and smiles, and points him out to the others.  Then he looks for Thomas, but neither he nor any of the disciples are in the crowd that accompanies Jesus.  Again he is conscious of fatigue, and drags one foot with difficulty after the other, as he attentively looks out for the sharp, white, scattered pebbles.

When the hammer was uplifted to nail Jesus’ left hand to the tree, Judas closed his eyes, and for a whole age neither breathed, nor saw, nor lived, but only listened.

But lo! with a grating sound, iron strikes against iron, time after time, dull, short blows, and then the sharp nail penetrating the soft wood and separating its particles is distinctly heard.

One hand.  It is not yet too late!

The other hand.  It is not yet too late!

A foot, the other foot!  Is all lost?

He irresolutely opens his eyes, and sees how the cross is raised, and rocks, and is set fast in the trench.  He sees how the hands of Jesus are convulsed by the tension, how painfully His arms stretch, how the wounds grow wider, and how the exhausted abdomen disappears under the ribs.  The arms stretch more and more, grow thinner and whiter, and become dislocated from the shoulders, and the wounds of the nails redden and lengthen gradually—­lo! in a moment they will be torn away.  No.  It stopped.  All stopped.  Only the ribs move up and down with the short, deep breathing.

On the very crown of the hill the cross is raised, and on it is the crucified Jesus.  The horror and the dreams of Judas are realised, he gets up from his knees on which, for some reason, he has knelt, and gazes around coldly.

Thus does a stern conqueror look, when he has already determined in his heart to surrender everything to destruction and death, and for the last time throws a glance over a rich foreign city, still alive with sound, but already phantom-like under the cold hand of death.  And suddenly, as clearly as his terrible victory, Iscariot saw its ominous precariousness.  What if they should suddenly understand?  It is not yet too late!  Jesus still lives.  There He gazes with entreating, sorrowing eyes.

What can prevent the thin film which covers the eyes of mankind, so thin that it hardly seems to exist at all, what can prevent it from rending?  What if they should understand?  What if suddenly, in all their threatening mass of men, women and children, they should advance, silently, without a cry, and wipe out the soldiery, plunging them up to their ears in their own blood, should tear from the ground the accursed cross, and by the hands of all who remain alive should lift up the liberated Jesus above the summit of the hill!  Hosanna!  Hosanna!

Hosanna?  No!  Better that Judas should lie on the ground.  Better that he should lie upon the ground, and gnashing his teeth like a dog, should watch and wait until all these should rise up.

But what has come to Time?  Now it almost stands still, so that one would wish to push it with the hands, to kick it, beat it with a whip like a lazy ass.  Now it rushes madly down some mountain, and catches its breath, and stretches out its hand in vain to stop itself.  There weeps the mother of Jesus.  Let them weep.  What avail her tears now? nay, the tears of all the mothers in the world?

“What are tears?” asks Judas, and madly pushes unyielding Time, beats it with his fists, curses it like a slave.  It belongs to some one else, and therefore is unamenable to discipline.  Oh! if only it belonged to Judas!  But it belongs to all these people who are weeping, laughing, chattering as in the market.  It belongs to the sun; it belongs to the cross; to the heart of Jesus, which is dying so slowly.

What an abject heart has Judas!  He lays his hand upon it, but it cries out:  “Hosanna,” so loud that all may hear.  He presses it to the ground, but it cries, “Hosanna, Hosanna!” like a babbler who scatters holy mysteries broadcast through the street.

“Be still!  Be still!”

Suddenly a loud broken lamentation, dull cries, the last hurried movements towards the cross.  What is it?  Have they understood at last?

No, Jesus is dying.  But can this be?  Yes, Jesus is dying.  His pale hands are motionless, but short convulsions run over His face, and breast, and legs.  But can this be?  Yes, He is dying.  His breathing becomes less frequent.  It ceases.  No, there is yet one sigh, Jesus is still upon the earth.  But is there another?  No, no, no.  Jesus is dead.

It is finished.  Hosanna!  Hosanna!

His horror and his dreams are realised.  Who will now snatch the victory from the hands of Iscariot?

It is finished.  Let all people on earth stream to Golgotha, and shout with their million throats, “Hosanna!  Hosanna!” And let a sea of blood and tears be poured out at its foot, and they will find only the shameful cross and a dead Jesus!

Calmly and coldly Iscariot surveys the dead, letting his gaze rest for a moment on that neck, which he had kissed only yesterday with a farewell kiss; and slowly goes away.  Now all Time belongs to him, and he walks without hurry; now all the World belongs to him, and he steps firmly, like a ruler, like a king, like one who is infinitely and joyfully alone in the world.  He observes the mother of Jesus, and says to her sternly: 

“Thou weepest, mother?  Weep, weep, and long will all the mothers upon earth weep with thee:  until I come with Jesus and destroy death.”

What does he mean?  Is he mad, or is he mocking—­this Traitor?  He is serious, and his face is stern, and his eyes no longer dart about in mad haste.  Lo! he stands still, and with cold attention views a new, diminished earth.

It has become small, and he feels the whole of it under his feet.  He looks at the little mountains, quietly reddening under the last rays of the sun, and he feels the mountains under his feet.

He looks at the sky opening wide its azure mouth; he looks at the small round disc of the sun, which vainly strives to singe and dazzle, and he feels the sky and the sun under his feet.  Infinitely and joyfully alone, he proudly feels the impotence of all forces which operate in the world, and has cast them all into the abyss.

He walks farther on, with quiet, masterful steps.  And Time goes neither forward nor back:  obediently it marches in step with him in all its invisible immensity.

It is the end.