That was the beginning. For three
weeks this strange affection of Davidson’s eyes
continued unabated. It was far worse than being
blind. He was absolutely helpless, and had to
be fed like a newly-hatched bird, and led about and
undressed. If he attempted to move, he fell over
things or struck himself against walls or doors.
After a day or so he got used to hearing our voices
without seeing us, and willingly admitted he was at
home, and that Wade was right in what he told him.
My sister, to whom he was engaged, insisted on coming
to see him, and would sit for hours every day while
he talked about this beach of his. Holding her
hand seemed to comfort him immensely. He explained
that when we left the College and drove home—he
lived in Hampstead village—it appeared to
him as if we drove right through a sandhill—it
was perfectly black until he emerged again—and
through rocks and trees and solid obstacles, and when
he was taken to his own room it made him giddy and
almost frantic with the fear of falling, because going
upstairs seemed to lift him thirty or forty feet above
the rocks of his imaginary island. He kept saying
he should smash all the eggs. The end was that
he had to be taken down into his father’s consulting
room and laid upon a couch that stood there.
He described the island as being a
bleak kind of place on the whole, with very little
vegetation, except some peaty stuff, and a lot of bare
rock. There were multitudes of penguins, and
they made the rocks white and disagreeable to see.
The sea was often rough, and once there was a thunderstorm,
and he lay and shouted at the silent flashes.
Once or twice seals pulled up on the beach, but only
on the first two or three days. He said it was
very funny the way in which the penguins used to waddle
right through him, and how he seemed to lie among
them without disturbing them.
I remember one odd thing, and that
was when he wanted very badly to smoke. We put
a pipe in his hands—he almost poked his
eye out with it—and lit it. But he
couldn’t taste anything. I’ve since
found it’s the same with me—I don’t
know if it’s the usual case—that I
cannot enjoy tobacco at all unless I can see the smoke.
But the queerest part of his vision
came when Wade sent him out in a Bath-chair to get
fresh air. The Davidsons hired a chair, and got
that deaf and obstinate dependant of theirs, Widgery,
to attend to it. Widgery’s ideas of healthy
expeditions were peculiar. My sister, who had
been to the Dogs’ Home, met them in Camden Town,
towards King’s Cross, Widgery trotting along
complacently, and Davidson, evidently most distressed,
trying in his feeble, blind way to attract Widgery’s
attention.
He positively wept when my sister
spoke to him. “Oh, get me out of this horrible
darkness!” he said, feeling for her hand.
“I must get out of it, or I shall die.”
He was quite incapable of explaining what was the matter,
but my sister decided he must go home, and presently,
as they went uphill towards Hampstead, the horror
seemed to drop from him. He said it was good
to see the stars again, though it was then about noon
and a blazing day.
“It seemed,” he told me
afterwards, “as if I was being carried irresistibly
towards the water. I was not very much alarmed
at first. Of course it was night there—a
lovely night.”
“Of course?” I asked, for that struck
me as odd.
“Of course,” said he.
“It’s always night there when it is day
here… Well, we went right into the water, which
was calm and shining under the moonlight—just
a broad swell that seemed to grow broader and flatter
as I came down into it. The surface glistened
just like a skin—it might have been empty
space underneath for all I could tell to the contrary.
Very slowly, for I rode slanting into it, the water
crept up to my eyes. Then I went under and the
skin seemed to break and heal again about my eyes.
The moon gave a jump up in the sky and grew green
and dim, and fish, faintly glowing, came darting round
me—and things that seemed made of luminous
glass; and I passed through a tangle of seaweeds that
shone with an oily lustre. And so I drove down
into the sea, and the stars went out one by one, and
the moon grew greener and darker, and the seaweed became
a luminous purple-red. It was all very faint
and mysterious, and everything seemed to quiver.
And all the while I could hear the wheels of the Bath-chair
creaking, and the footsteps of people going by, and
a man in the distance selling the special Pall
Mall.
“I kept sinking down deeper
and deeper into the water. It became inky black
about me, not a ray from above came down into that
darkness, and the phosphorescent things grew brighter
and brighter. The snaky branches of the deeper
weeds flickered like the flames of spirit-lamps; but,
after a time, there were no more weeds. The fishes
came staring and gaping towards me, and into me and
through me. I never imagined such fishes before.
They had lines of fire along the sides of them as
though they had been outlined with a luminous pencil.
And there was a ghastly thing swimming backwards with
a lot of twining arms. And then I saw, coming
very slowly towards me through the gloom, a hazy mass
of light that resolved itself as it drew nearer into
multitudes of fishes, struggling and darting round
something that drifted. I drove on straight towards
it, and presently I saw in the midst of the tumult,
and by the light of the fish, a bit of splintered
spar looming over me, and a dark hull tilting over,
and some glowing phosphorescent forms that were shaken
and writhed as the fish bit at them. Then it
was I began to try to attract Widgery’s attention.
A horror came upon me. Ugh! I should have
driven right into those half-eaten—things.
If your sister had not come! They had great holes
in them, Bellows, and … Never mind. But
it was ghastly!”