The Autobiography of an Ex-Colored Man

The farther I got below Washington, the more disappointed I became in the appearance of the country.  I peered through the car windows, looking in vain for the luxuriant semi-tropical scenery which I had pictured in my mind.  I did not find the grass so green, nor the woods so beautiful, nor the flowers so plentiful, as they were in Connecticut.  Instead, the red earth partly covered by tough, scrawny grass, the muddy, straggling roads, the cottages of unpainted pine boards, and the clay-daubed huts imparted a “burnt up” impression.  Occasionally we ran through a little white and green village that was like an oasis in a desert.

When I reached Atlanta, my steadily increasing disappointment was not lessened.  I found it a big, dull, red town.  This dull red color of that part of the South I was then seeing had much, I think, to do with the extreme depression of my spirits—­no public squares, no fountains, dingy street-cars, and, with the exception of three or four principal thoroughfares, unpaved streets.  It was raining when I arrived and some of these unpaved streets were absolutely impassable.  Wheels sank to the hubs in red mire, and I actually stood for an hour and watched four or five men work to save a mule, which had stepped into a deep sink, from drowning, or, rather, suffocating in the mud.  The Atlanta of today is a new city.

On the train I had talked with one of the Pullman car porters, a bright young fellow who was himself a student, and told him that I was going to Atlanta to attend school.  I had also asked him to tell me where I might stop for a day or two until the University opened.  He said I might go with him to the place where he stopped during his “lay-overs” in Atlanta.  I gladly accepted his offer and went with him along one of those muddy streets until we came to a rather rickety looking frame house, which we entered.  The proprietor of the house was a big, fat, greasy-looking brown-skin man.  When I asked him if he could give me accommodations, he wanted to know how long I would stay.  I told him perhaps two days, not more than three.  In reply he said:  “Oh, dat’s all right den,” at the same time leading the way up a pair of creaky stairs.  I followed him and the porter to a room, the door of which the proprietor opened while continuing, it seemed, his remark, “Oh, dat’s all right den,” by adding:  “You kin sleep in dat cot in de corner der.  Fifty cents, please.”  The porter interrupted by saying:  “You needn’t collect from him now, he’s got a trunk.”  This seemed to satisfy the man, and he went down, leaving me and my porter friend in the room.  I glanced around the apartment and saw that it contained a double bed and two cots, two wash-stands, three chairs, and a time-worn bureau, with a looking-glass that would have made Adonis appear hideous.  I looked at the cot in which I was to sleep and suspected, not without good reasons, that I should not be the first to use the sheets and pillow-case since they had last come from the wash.  When I thought of the clean, tidy, comfortable surroundings in which I had been reared, a wave of homesickness swept over me that made me feel faint.  Had it not been for the presence of my companion, and that I knew this much of his history—­that he was not yet quite twenty, just three years older than myself, and that he had been fighting his own way in the world, earning his own living and providing for his own education since he was fourteen—­I should not have been able to stop the tears that were welling up in my eyes.

I asked him why it was that the proprietor of the house seemed unwilling to accommodate me for more than a couple of days.  He informed me that the man ran a lodging house especially for Pullman porters, and, as their stays in town were not longer than one or two nights, it would interfere with his arrangements to have anyone stay longer.  He went on to say:  “You see this room is fixed up to accommodate four men at a time.  Well, by keeping a sort of table of trips, in and out, of the men, and working them like checkers, he can accommodate fifteen or sixteen in each week and generally avoid having an empty bed.  You happen to catch a bed that would have been empty for a couple of nights.”  I asked him where he was going to sleep.  He answered:  “I sleep in that other cot tonight; tomorrow night I go out.”  He went on to tell me that the man who kept the house did not serve meals, and that if I was hungry, we would go out and get something to eat.

We went into the street, and in passing the railroad station I hired a wagon to take my trunk to my lodging place.  We passed along until, finally, we turned into a street that stretched away, up and down hill, for a mile or two; and here I caught my first sight of colored people in large numbers.  I had seen little squads around the railroad stations on my way south, but here I saw a street crowded with them.  They filled the shops and thronged the, sidewalks and lined the curb.  I asked my companion if all the colored people in Atlanta lived in this street.  He said they did not and assured me that the ones I saw were of the lower class.  I felt relieved, in spite of the size of the lower class.  The unkempt appearance, the shambling, slouching gait and loud talk and laughter of these people aroused in me a feeling of almost repulsion.  Only one thing about them awoke a feeling of interest; that was their dialect.  I had read some Negro dialect and had heard snatches of it on my journey down from Washington; but here I heard it in all of its fullness and freedom.  I was particularly struck by the way in which it was punctuated by such exclamatory phrases as “Lawd a mussy!” “G’wan, man!” “Bless ma soul!” “Look heah, chile!” These people talked and laughed without restraint.  In fact, they talked straight from their lungs and laughed from the pits of their stomachs.  And this hearty laughter was often justified by the droll humor of some remark.  I paused long enough to hear one man say to another:  “Wat’s de mattah wid you an’ yo’ fr’en’ Sam?” and the other came back like a flash:  “Ma fr’en’?  He ma fr’en’?  Man!  I’d go to his funeral jes’ de same as I’d go to a minstrel show.”  I have since learned that this ability to laugh heartily is, in part, the salvation of the American Negro; it does much to keep him from going the way of the Indian.

The business places of the street along which we were passing consisted chiefly of low bars, cheap dry-goods and notion stores, barber shops, and fish and bread restaurants.  We, at length, turned down a pair of stairs that led to a basement and I found myself in an eating-house somewhat better than those I had seen in passing; but that did not mean much for its excellence.  The place was smoky, the tables were covered with oilcloth, the floor with sawdust, and from the kitchen came a rancid odor of fish fried over several times, which almost nauseated me.  I asked my companion if this was the place where we were to eat.  He informed me that it was the best place in town where a colored man could get a meal.  I then wanted to know why somebody didn’t open a place where respectable colored people who had money could be accommodated.  He answered:  “It wouldn’t pay; all the respectable colored people eat at home, and the few who travel generally have friends in the towns to which they go, who entertain them.”  He added:  “Of course, you could go in any place in the city; they wouldn’t know you from white.”

I sat down with the porter at one of the tables, but was not hungry enough to eat with any relish what was put before me.  The food was not badly cooked; but the iron knives and forks needed to be scrubbed, the plates and dishes and glasses needed to be washed and well dried.  I minced over what I took on my plate while my companion ate.  When we finished, we paid the waiter twenty cents each and went out.  We walked around until the lights of the city were lit.  Then the porter said that he must get to bed and have some rest, as he had not had six hours’ sleep since he left Jersey City.  I went back to our lodging house with him.

When I awoke in the morning, there were, besides my new-found friend, two other men in the room, asleep in the double bed.  I got up and dressed myself very quietly, so as not to awake anyone.  I then drew from under the pillow my precious roll of greenbacks, took out a ten-dollar bill, and, very softly unlocking my trunk, put the remainder, about three hundred dollars, in the inside pocket of a coat near the bottom, glad of the opportunity to put it unobserved in a place of safety.  When I had carefully locked my trunk, I tiptoed toward the door with the intention of going out to look for a decent restaurant where I might get something fit to eat.  As I was easing the door open, my porter friend said with a yawn:  “Hello!  You’re going out?” I answered him:  “Yes.”  “Oh!” he yawned again, “I guess I’ve had enough sleep; wait a minute, I’ll go with you.”  For the instant his friendship bored and embarrassed me.  I had visions of another meal in the greasy restaurant of the day before.  He must have divined my thoughts, for he went on to say:  “I know a woman across town who takes a few boarders; I think we can go over there and get a good breakfast.”  With a feeling of mingled fears and doubts regarding what the breakfast might be, I waited until he had dressed himself.

When I saw the neat appearance of the cottage we entered, my fears vanished, and when I saw the woman who kept it, my doubts followed the same course.  Scrupulously clean, in a spotless white apron and colored head-handkerchief, her round face beaming with motherly kindness, she was picturesquely beautiful.  She impressed me as one broad expanse of happiness and good nature.  In a few minutes she was addressing me as “chile” and “honey.”  She made me feel as though I should like to lay my head on her capacious bosom and go to sleep.

And the breakfast, simple as it was, I could not have had at any restaurant in Atlanta at any price.  There was fried chicken, as it is fried only in the South, hominy boiled to the consistency where it could be eaten with a fork, and biscuits so light and flaky that a fellow with any appetite at all would have no difficulty in disposing of eight or ten.  When I had finished, I felt that I had experienced the realization of, at least, one of my dreams of Southern life.

During the meal we found out from our hostess, who had two boys in school, that Atlanta University opened on that very day.  I had somehow mixed my dates.  My friend the porter suggested that I go out to the University at once and offered to walk over and show me the way.  We had to walk because, although the University was not more than twenty minutes’ distance from the center of the city, there were no street-cars running in that direction.  My first sight of the School grounds made me feel that I was not far from home; here the red hills had been terraced and covered with green grass; clean gravel walks, well shaded, led up to the buildings; indeed, it was a bit of New England transplanted.  At the gate my companion said he would bid me good-by, because it was likely that he would not see me again before his car went out.  He told me that he would make two more trips to Atlanta and that he would come out and see me; that after his second trip he would leave the Pullman service for the winter and return to school in Nashville.  We shook hands, I thanked him for all his kindness, and we said good-by.

I walked up to a group of students and made some inquiries.  They directed me to the president’s office in the main building.  The president gave me a cordial welcome; it was more than cordial; he talked to me, not as the official head of a college, but as though he were adopting me into what was his large family, personally to look after my general welfare as well as my education.  He seemed especially pleased with the fact that I had come to them all the way from the North.  He told me that I could have come to the school as soon as I had reached the city and that I had better move my trunk out at once.  I gladly promised him that I would do so.  He then called a boy and directed him to take me to the matron, and to show me around afterwards.  I found the matron even more motherly than the president was fatherly.  She had me register, which was in effect to sign a pledge to abstain from the use of intoxicating beverages, tobacco, and profane language while I was a student in the school.  This act caused me no sacrifice, as, up to that time, I was free from all three habits.  The boy who was with me then showed me about the grounds.  I was especially interested in the industrial building.

The sounding of a bell, he told me, was the signal for the students to gather in the general assembly hall, and he asked me if I would go.  Of course I would.  There were between three and four hundred students and perhaps all of the teachers gathered in the room.  I noticed that several of the latter were colored.  The president gave a talk addressed principally to newcomers; but I scarcely heard what he said, I was so much occupied in looking at those around me.  They were of all types and colors, the more intelligent types predominating.  The colors ranged from jet black to pure white, with light hair and eyes.  Among the girls especially there were many so fair that it was difficult to believe that they had Negro blood in them.  And, too, I could not help noticing that many of the girls, particularly those of the delicate brown shades, with black eyes and wavy dark hair, were decidedly pretty.  Among the boys many of the blackest were fine specimens of young manhood, tall, straight, and muscular, with magnificent heads; these were the kind of boys who developed into the patriarchal “uncles” of the old slave regime.

When I left the University, it was with the determination to get my trunk and move out to the school before night.  I walked back across the city with a light step and a light heart.  I felt perfectly satisfied with life for the first time since my mother’s death.  In passing the railroad station I hired a wagon and rode with the driver as far as my stopping-place.  I settled with my landlord and went upstairs to put away several articles I had left out.  As soon as I opened my trunk, a dart of suspicion shot through my heart; the arrangement of things did not look familiar.  I began to dig down excitedly to the bottom till I reached the coat in which I had concealed my treasure.  My money was gone!  Every single bill of it.  I knew it was useless to do so, but I searched through every other coat, every pair of trousers, every vest, and even each pair of socks.  When I had finished my fruitless search, I sat down dazed and heartsick.  I called the landlord up and informed him of my loss; he comforted me by saying that I ought to have better sense than to keep money in a trunk and that he was not responsible for his lodgers’ personal effects.  His cooling words brought me enough to my senses to cause me to look and see if anything else was missing.  Several small articles were gone, among them a black and gray necktie of odd design upon which my heart was set; almost as much as the loss of my money I felt the loss of my tie.

After thinking for a while as best I could, I wisely decided to go at once back to the University and lay my troubles before the president.  I rushed breathlessly back to the school.  As I neared the grounds, the thought came across me, would not my story sound fishy?  Would it not place me in the position of an impostor or beggar?  What right had I to worry these busy people with the results of my carelessness?  If the money could not be recovered, and I doubted that it could, what good would it do to tell them about it?  The shame and embarrassment which the whole situation gave me caused me to stop at the gate.  I paused, undecided, for a moment; then, turned and slowly retraced my steps, and so changed the whole course of my life.

If the reader has never been in a strange city without money or friends, it is useless to try to describe what my feelings were; he could not understand.  If he has been, it is equally useless, for he understands more than words could convey.  When I reached my lodgings, I found in the room one of the porters who had slept there the night before.  When he heard what misfortune had befallen me, he offered many words of sympathy and advice.  He asked me how much money I had left.  I told him that I had ten or twelve dollars in my pocket.  He said:  “That won’t last you very long here, and you will hardly be able to find anything to do in Atlanta.  I’ll tell you what you do, go down to Jacksonville and you won’t have any trouble to get a job in one of the big hotels there, or in St. Augustine.”  I thanked him, but intimated my doubts of being able to get to Jacksonville on the money I had.  He reassured me by saying:  “Oh, that’s all right.  You express your trunk on through, and I’ll take you down in my closet.”  I thanked him again, not knowing then what it was to travel in a Pullman porter’s closet.  He put me under a deeper debt of gratitude by lending me fifteen dollars, which he said I could pay back after I had secured work.  His generosity brought tears to my eyes, and I concluded that, after all, there were some kind hearts in the world.

I now forgot my troubles in the hurry and excitement of getting my trunk off in time to catch the train, which went out at seven o’clock.  I even forgot that I hadn’t eaten anything since morning.  We got a wagon—­the porter went with me—­and took my trunk to the express office.  My new friend then told me to come to the station at about a quarter of seven and walk straight to the car where I should see him standing, and not to lose my nerve.  I found my role not so difficult to play as I thought it would be, because the train did not leave from the central station, but from a smaller one, where there were no gates and guards to pass.  I followed directions, and the porter took me on his car and locked me in his closet.  In a few minutes the train pulled out for Jacksonville.

I may live to be a hundred years old, but I shall never forget the agonies I suffered that night.  I spent twelve hours doubled up in the porter’s basket for soiled linen, not being able to straighten up on account of the shelves for clean linen just over my head.  The air was hot and suffocating and the smell of damp towels and used linen was sickening.  At each lurch of the car over the none-too-smooth track I was bumped and bruised against the narrow walls of my narrow compartment.  I became acutely conscious of the fact that I had not eaten for hours.  Then nausea took possession of me, and at one time I had grave doubts about reaching my destination alive.  If I had the trip to make again, I should prefer to walk.