Seven Men

`I hesitated.  It would be easy to say that Satan answered for me; easy but untrue; it was I that babbled:  “Well—­as a matter of fact—­ since you ask me—­if I were you—­really I think you’d better not.  He’s very odd in some ways.  He has an extraordinary hatred of sleeping out of London.  He has the real Gloucestershire love of London.  At the same time, he’s very shy; and if you asked him he wouldn’t very well know how to refuse.  I think it would be KINDER not to ask him.”

`At that moment, Mrs. Wilpham—­the President—­loomed up to us, bringing Braxton.  He bore himself well.  Rough dignity with a touch of mellowness.  I daresay you never saw him smile.  He smiled gravely down at the Duchess, while she talked in her pretty little quick humble way.  He made a great impression.

`What I had done was not merely base:  it was very dangerous.  I was in terror that she might rally him on his devotion to London.  I didn’t dare to move away.  I was immensely relieved when at length she said she must be going.

`Braxton seemed loth to relax his grip on her hand at parting.  I feared she wouldn’t escape without uttering that invitation.  But all was well….  In saying good night to me, she added in a murmur, “Don’t forget Keeb—­Saturday week—­the 3.30.”  Merely an exquisite murmur.  But Braxton heard it.  I knew, by the diabolical look he gave me, that Braxton had heard it….  If he hadn’t, I shouldn’t be here.

`Was I a prey to remorse?  Well, in the days between that Soiree and that Saturday, remorse often claimed me, but rapture wouldn’t give me up.  Arcady, Olympus, the right people, at last!  I hadn’t realised how good my book was—­not till it got me this guerdon; not till I got it this huge advertisement.  I foresaw how pleased my publisher would be.  In some great houses, I knew, it was possible to stay without any one knowing you had been there.  But the Duchess of Hertfordshire hid her light under no bushel.  Exclusive she was, but not of publicity.  Next to Windsor Castle, Keeb Hall was the most advertised house in all England.

`Meanwhile, I had plenty to do.  I rather thought of engaging a valet, but decided that this wasn’t necessary.  On the other hand, I felt a need for three new summer suits, and a new evening suit, and some new white waistcoats.  Also a smoking suit.  And had any man ever stayed at Keeb without a dressing-case?  Hitherto I had been content with a pair of wooden brushes, and so forth.  I was afraid these would appal the footman who unpacked my things.  I ordered, for his sake, a large dressing-case, with my initials engraved throughout it.  It looked compromisingly new when it came to me from the shop.  I had to kick it industriously, and throw it about and scratch it, so as to avert possible suspicion.  The tailor did not send my things home till the Friday evening.  I had to sit up late, wearing the new suits in rotation.

`Next day, at Victoria, I saw strolling on the platform many people, male and female, who looked as if they were going to Keeb—­tall, cool, ornate people who hadn’t packed their own things and had reached Victoria in broughams.  I was ornate, but not tall nor cool.  My porter was rather off-hand in his manner as he wheeled my things along to the 3.30.  I asked severely if there were any compartments reserved for people going to stay with the Duke of Hertfordshire.  This worked an instant change in him.  Having set me in one of those shrines, he seemed almost loth to accept a tip.  A snob, I am afraid.

`A selection of the tall, the cool, the ornate, the intimately acquainted with one another, soon filled the compartment.  There I was, and I think they felt they ought to try to bring me into the conversation.  As they were all talking about a cotillion of the previous night, I shouldn’t have been able to shine.  I gazed out of the window, with middle-class aloofness.  Presently the talk drifted on to the topic of bicycles.  But by this time it was too late for me to come in.

`I gazed at the squalid outskirts of London as they flew by.  I doubted, as I listened to my fellow-passengers, whether I should be able to shine at Keeb.  I rather wished I were going to spend the week-end at one of those little houses with back-gardens beneath the railway-line.  I was filled with fears.

`For shame! thought I. Was I nobody?  Was the author of “Ariel in Mayfair” nobody?

`I reminded myself how glad Braxton would be if he knew of my faint-heartedness.  I thought of Braxton sitting, at this moment, in his room in Clifford’s Inn and glowering with envy of his hated rival in the 3.30.  And after all, how enviable I was!  My spirits rose.  I would acquit myself well….

`I much admired the scene at the little railway station where we alighted.  It was like a fete by Lancret.  I knew from the talk of my fellow-passengers that some people had been going down by an earlier train, and that others were coming by a later.  But the 3.30 had brought a full score of us.  Us!  That was the final touch of beauty.

`Outside there were two broughams, a landau, dog-carts, a phaeton, a wagonette, I know not what.  But almost everybody, it seemed, was going to bicycle.  Lady Rodfitten said she was going to bicycle.  Year after year, I had seen that famous Countess riding or driving in the Park.  I had been told at fourth hand that she had a masculine intellect and could make and unmake Ministries.  She was nearly sixty now, a trifle dyed and stout and weather-beaten, but still tremendously handsome, and hard as nails.  One would not have said she had grown older, but merely that she belonged now to a rather later period of the Roman Empire.  I had never dreamed of a time when one roof would shelter Lady Rodfitten and me.  Somehow, she struck my imagination more than any of these others—­more than Count Deym, more than Mr. Balfour, more than the lovely Lady Thisbe Crowborough.

`I might have had a ducal vehicle all to myself, and should have liked that; but it seemed more correct that I should use my bicycle.  On the other hand, I didn’t want to ride with all these people—­a stranger in their midst.  I lingered around the luggage till they were off, and then followed at a long distance.

`The sun had gone behind clouds.  But I rode slowly, so as to be sure not to arrive hot.  I passed, not without a thrill, through the massive open gates into the Duke’s park.  A massive man with a cockade saluted me—­hearteningly—­from the door of the lodge.  The park seemed endless.  I came, at length, to a long straight avenue of elms that were almost blatantly immemorial.  At the end of it was—­well, I felt like a gnat going to stay in a public building.

`If there had been turnstiles—­in and out—­and a shilling to pay, I should have felt easier as I passed into that hall—­that Palladio-Gargantuan hall.  Some one, some butler or groom-of-the-chamber, murmured that her Grace was in the garden.  I passed out through the great opposite doorway on to a wide spectacular terrace with lawns beyond.  Tea was on the nearest of these lawns.  In the central group of people—­some standing, others sitting—­I espied the Duchess.  She sat pouring out tea, a deft and animated little figure.  I advanced firmly down the steps from the terrace, feeling that all would be well so soon as I had reported myself to the Duchess.

`But I had a staggering surprise on my way to her.  I espied in one of the smaller groups—­whom d’you think?  Braxton.

`I had no time to wonder how he had got there—­time merely to grasp the black fact that he was there.

`The Duchess seemed really pleased to see me.  She said it was too splendid of me to come.  “You know Mr. Maltby?” she asked Lady Rodfitten, who exclaimed “Not Mr. Hilary Maltby?” with a vigorous grace that was overwhelming.  Lady Rodfitten declared she was the greatest of my admirers; and I could well believe that in whatever she did she excelled all competitors.  On the other hand, I found it hard to believe she was afraid of me.  Yet I had her word for it that she was.

`Her womanly charm gave place now to her masculine grip.  She eulogised me in the language of a seasoned reviewer on the staff of a long-established journal—­wordy perhaps, but sound.  I revered and loved her.  I wished I could give her my undivided attention.  But, whilst I sat there, teacup, in hand, between her and the Duchess, part of my brain was fearfully concerned with that glimpse I had had of Braxton.  It didn’t so much matter that he was here to halve my triumph.  But suppose he knew what I had told the Duchess!  And suppose he had—­no, surely if he had shown me up in all my meanness she wouldn’t have received me so very cordially.  I wondered where she could have met him since that evening of the Inkwomen.  I heard Lady Rodfitten concluding her review of “Ariel” with two or three sentences that might have been framed specially to give the publisher an easy “quote.”  And then I heard myself asking mechanically whether she had read “A Faun on the Cotswolds.”  The Duchess heard me too.  She turned from talking to other people and said “I did like Mr. Braxton so very much.”

`”Yes,” I threw out with a sickly smile, “I’m so glad you asked him to come.”

`”But I didn’t ask him.  I didn’t dare.”

`”But—­but—­surely he wouldn’t be—­be here if—­” We stared at each other blankly.  “Here?” she echoed, glancing at the scattered little groups of people on the lawn.  I glanced too.  I was much embarrassed.  I explained that I had seen Braxton “standing just over there” when I arrived, and had supposed he was one of the people who came by the earlier train.  “Well,” she said with a slightly irritated laugh, “you must have mistaken some one else for him.”  She dropped the subject, talked to other people, and presently moved away.

`Surely, thought I, she didn’t suspect me of trying to make fun of her?  On the other hand, surely she hadn’t conspired with Braxton to make a fool of me?  And yet, how could Braxton be here without an invitation, and without her knowledge?  My brain whirled.  One thing only was clear.  I could not have mistaken anybody for Braxton.  There Braxton had stood—­Stephen Braxton, in that old pepper-and-salt suit of his, with his red tie all askew, and without a hat—­his hair hanging over his forehead.  All this I had seen sharp and clean-cut.  There he had stood, just beside one of the women who travelled down in the same compartment as I; a very pretty woman in a pale blue dress; a tall woman—­but I had noticed how small she looked beside Braxton.  This woman was now walking to and fro, yonder, with M. de Soveral.  I had seen Braxton beside her as clearly as I now saw M. de Soveral.

`Lady Rodfitten was talking about India to a recent Viceroy.  She seemed to have as firm a grip of India as of “Ariel.”  I sat forgotten.  I wanted to arise and wander off—­in a vague search for Braxton.  But I feared this might look as if I were angry at being ignored.  Presently Lady Rodfitten herself arose, to have what she called her “annual look round.”  She bade me come too, and strode off between me and the recent Viceroy, noting improvements that had been made in the grounds, suggesting improvements that might be made, indicating improvements that must be made.  She was great on landscape-gardening.  The recent Viceroy was less great on it, but great enough.  I don’t say I walked forgotten:  the eminent woman constantly asked my opinion; but my opinion, though of course it always coincided with hers, sounded quite worthless, somehow.  I longed to shine.  I could only bother about Braxton.

`Lady Rodfitten’s voice sounded over-strong for the stillness of evening.  The shadows lengthened.  My spirits sank lower and lower, with the sun.  I was a naturally cheerful person, but always, towards sunset, I had a vague sense of melancholy:  I seemed always to have grown weaker; morbid misgivings would come to me.  On this particular evening there was one such misgiving that crept in and out of me again and again…a very horrible misgiving as to the nature of what I had seen.

`Well, dressing for dinner is a great tonic.  Especially if one shaves.  My spirits rose as I lathered my face.  I smiled to my reflection in the mirror.  The afterglow of the sun came through the window behind the dressing-table, but I had switched on all the lights.  My new silver-topped bottles and things made a fine array.  To-night I was going to shine, too.  I felt I might yet be the life and soul of the party.  Anyway, my new evening suit was without a fault.  And meanwhile this new razor was perfect.  Having shaved “down,” I lathered myself again and proceeded to shave “up.”  It was then that I uttered a sharp sound and swung round on my heel.

`No one was there.  Yet this I knew:  Stephen Braxton had just looked over my shoulder.  I had seen the reflection of his face beside mine—­ craned forward to the mirror.  I had met his eyes.

`He had been with me.  This I knew.

`I turned to look again at that mirror.  One of my cheeks was all covered with blood.  I stanched it with a towel.  Three long cuts where the razor had slipped and skipped.  I plunged the towel into cold water and held it to my cheek.  The bleeding went on—­alarmingly.  I rang the bell.  No one came.  I vowed I wouldn’t bleed to death for Braxton.  I rang again.  At last a very tall powdered footman appeared—­more reproachful-looking than sympathetic, as though I hadn’t ordered that dressing-case specially on his behalf.  He said he thought one of the housemaids would have some sticking-plaster.  He was very sorry he was needed downstairs, but he would tell one of the housemaids.  I continued to dab and to curse.  The blood flowed less.  I showed great spirit.  I vowed Braxton should not prevent me from going down to dinner.

`But—­a pretty sight I was when I did go down.  Pale but determined, with three long strips of black sticking-plaster forming a sort of Z on my left cheek.  Mr. Hilary Maltby at Keeb.  Literature’s Ambassador.

`I don’t know how late I was.  Dinner was in full swing.  Some servant piloted me to my place.  I sat down unobserved.  The woman on either side of me was talking to her other neighbour.  I was near the Duchess’ end of the table.  Soup was served to me—­that dark-red soup that you pour cream into—­Bortsch.  I felt it would steady me.  I raised the first spoonful to my lips, and—­my hand gave a sudden jerk.

`I was aware of two separate horrors—­a horror that had been, a horror that was.  Braxton had vanished.  Not for more than an instant had he stood scowling at me from behind the opposite diners.  Not for more than the fraction of an instant.  But he had left his mark on me.  I gazed down with a frozen stare at my shirtfront, at my white waistcoat, both dark with Bortsch.  I rubbed them with a napkin.  I made them worse.

`I looked at my glass of champagne.  I raised it carefully and drained it at one draught.  It nerved me.  But behind that shirtfront was a broken heart.

`The woman on my left was Lady Thisbe Crowborough.  I don’t know who was the woman on my right.  She was the first to turn and see me.  I thought it best to say something about my shirtfront at once.  I said it to her sideways, without showing my left cheek.  Her handsome eyes rested on the splashes.  She said, after a moment’s thought, that they looked “rather gay.”  She said she thought the eternal black and white of men’s evening clothes was “so very dreary.”  She did her best….  Lady Thisbe Crowborough did her best, too, I suppose; but breeding isn’t proof against all possible shocks:  she visibly started at sight of me and my Z. I explained that I had cut myself shaving.  I said, with an attempt at lightness, that shy men ought always to cut themselves shaving:  it made such a good conversational opening.  “But surely,” she said after a pause, “you don’t cut yourself on purpose?” She was an abysmal fool.  I didn’t think so at the time.  She was Lady Thisbe Crowborough.  This fact hallowed her.  That we didn’t get on at all well was a misfortune for which I blamed only myself and my repulsive appearance and—­the unforgettable horror that distracted me.  Nor did I blame Lady Thisbe for turning rather soon to the man on her other side.

`The woman on my right was talking to the man on her other side; so that I was left a prey to secret memory and dread.  I wasn’t wondering, wasn’t attempting to explain; I was merely remembering—­and dreading.  And—­how odd one is!—­on the top-layer of my consciousness I hated to be seen talking to no one.  Mr. Maltby at Keeb.  I caught the Duchess’ eye once or twice, and she nodded encouragingly, as who should say “You do look rather awful, and you do seem rather out of it, but I don’t for a moment regret having asked you to come.”  Presently I had another chance of talking.  I heard myself talk.  My feverish anxiety to please rather touched me.  But I noticed that the eyes of my listener wandered.  And yet I was sorry when the ladies went away.  I had a sense of greater exposure.  Men who hadn’t seen me saw me now.  The Duke, as he came round to the Duchess’ end of the table, must have wondered who I was.  But he shyly offered me his hand as he passed, and said it was so good of me to come.  I had thought of slipping away to put on another shirt and waistcoat, but had decided that this would make me the more ridiculous.  I sat drinking port—­ poison to me after champagne, but a lulling poison—­and listened to noblemen with unstained shirtfronts talking about the Australian cricket match….

`Is Rubicon Bezique still played in England?  There was a mania for it at that time.  The floor of Keeb’s Palladio-Gargantuan hall was dotted with innumerable little tables.  I didn’t know how to play.  My hostess told me I must “come and amuse the dear old Duke and Duchess of Mull,” and led me to a remote sofa on which an old gentleman had just sat down beside an old lady.  They looked at me with a dim kind interest.  My hostess had set me and left me on a small gilt chair in front of them.  Before going she had conveyed to them loudly—­one of them was very deaf—­that I was “the famous writer.”  It was a long time before they understood that I was not a political writer.  The Duke asked me, after a troubled pause, whether I had known “old Mr. Abraham Hayward.”  The Duchess said I was too young to have known Mr. Hayward, and asked if I knew her “clever friend Mr. Mallock.”  I said I had just been reading Mr. Mallock’s new novel.  I heard myself shouting a confused precis of the plot.  The place where we were sitting was near the foot of the great marble staircase.  I said how beautiful the staircase was.  The Duchess of Mull said she had never cared very much for that staircase.  The Duke, after a pause, said he had “often heard old Mr. Abraham Hayward hold a whole dinner table.”  There were long and frequent pauses—­between which I heard myself talking loudly, frantically, sinking lower and lower in the esteem of my small audience.  I felt like a man drowning under the eyes of an elderly couple who sit on the bank regretting that they can offer no assistance.  Presently the Duke looked at his watch and said to the Duchess that it was “time to be thinking of bed.”

`They rose, as it were from the bank, and left me, so to speak, under water.  I watched them as they passed slowly out of sight up the marble staircase which I had mispraised.  I turned and surveyed the brilliant, silent scene presented by the card-players.

`I wondered what old Mr. Abraham Hayward would have done in my place.  Would he have just darted in among those tables and “held” them?  I presumed that he would not have stolen silently away, quickly and cravenly away, up the marble staircase—­as I did.

`I don’t know which was the greater, the relief or the humiliation of finding myself in my bedroom.  Perhaps the humiliation was the greater.  There, on a chair, was my grand new smoking-suit, laid out for me—­what a mockery!  Once I had foreseen myself wearing it in the smoking-room at a late hour—­the centre of a group of eminent men entranced by the brilliancy of my conversation.  And now—!  I was nothing but a small, dull, soup-stained, sticking-plastered, nerve-racked recluse.  Nerves, yes.  I assured myself that I had not seen—­ what I had seemed to see.  All very odd, of course, and very unpleasant, but easily explained.  Nerves.  Excitement of coming to Keeb too much for me.  A good night’s rest:  that was all I needed.  To-morrow I should laugh at myself.