Joe the Hotel Boy

ONE KIND OF A DUEL.

“Her name is Clara, and she is the daughter of Major Thomas Botts Sampson, of the regular army,” began Felix Gussing.

“Then her father is a military man.”

“Exactly, and that is the trouble,” and the dude gave a groan.  “It is this way:  When I went to see Major Sampson he greeted me very cordially, until I disclosed the object of my visit.

“‘Sir,’ said he ’This is a matter which requires consideration.  Have you gained my daughter’s consent?’

“‘I have,’ I answered.

“‘So far so good,’ said he.  ’But there is one thing more.  Have you served in the army?’

“‘No,’ said I.

“‘Or fought a duel?’

“‘No.’

“Then he told me to remember that he had served in the army and that his daughter was the daughter of an army man, one who had gone through many battles.  After that he said he was resolved that his daughter should marry only somebody who had proved himself a man of courage.”

“What did you do then?” asked Joe, becoming interested.

“What could I do?  I am—­er—­no army man—­no fighter.  Evidently the major wants a fighter for a son-in-law,” and Felix Gussing groaned once more.

“You’ll have to become a fighter,” said Joe.

“No! no!  I am a er—­a man of peace!” cried the dude, in alarm.

“Mr. Gussing, I think I can arrange matters for you,” said Joe, struck by a certain idea.

“What can you mean, Joe?”

“I mean that I can prove to Major Sampson that you are a brave man.”

“Do that, Joe, and I shall be your friend for life!” gasped the dude.

“Will you wait until to-morrow, Mr. Gussing?”

“Certainly, but do not keep me in suspense too long.”

“This may cost you a little money.”

“I don’t care if it costs a hundred dollars.”

“Then I am sure I can fix it up for you,” answered Joe.

There was stopping at the hotel a man named Montgomery.  He had at different times been an auctioneer, a book-agent, a schoolmaster, and a traveling salesman.  He was just now selling curiosities and Joe felt that he would be only too glad to do Felix Gussing a good turn if he were paid for it.

Our hero had a talk with this man, and the upshot of the matter was that Montgomery and the dude were introduced on the following morning.

“I think I can help you, Mr. Gussing,” said the curiosity man, who, it may be mentioned here, was a tall and important-looking personage.  “I was once in the army.”

“What can you do?” questioned the dude, hopefully.

“Will it be worth fifty dollars to you if I aid you in winning the consent of Major Sampson to wed his daughter?”

“Decidedly.”

“This is also Joe’s plan, so you will have to pay him, too.”

“I don’t want any money,” put in our hero.

“Joe shall have ten dollars—­if your plan wins out.  But how is all this to be accomplished?” continued Felix Gussing.

“We will take the earliest possible opportunity to visit Major Sampson,” said Ulmer Montgomery.

“Well?”

“When we are all together, we’ll get into some sort of an argument.  You shall call me a fool and I’ll slap you in the face.  Then you shall challenge me to a duel.”

“A duel!  Why, sir, I—­er—­I never could shoot you, and I don’t want to be shot myself.”

“My dear Mr. Gussing, you don’t understand me.  Don’t you comprehend, the pistols shall be loaded with powder only.”

“Ah, that’s the idea!” exclaimed the dude, much relieved.

“Yes.  You see it will only be a sham duel so far as we are concerned, but will, in the most harmless fashion possible, prove you to be a man of honor and courage.  Major Sampson’s scruples will vanish, and you will have the pleasure of gaining his daughter’s hand in marriage.

“I agree, Mr. Montgomery—­the plan is a famous one.  Is it yours or is it Joe’s?”

“Joe’s—­but it will fall to me to help carry it out,” said the Jack-of-all-trades, who did not lose sight of the fifty dollars that had been promised to him.

On the following day Felix Gussing and Mr. Montgomery took themselves to Major Sampson’s residence, where the stranger was introduced as a curiosity hunter from Chicago.

“He wishes to look at your collection of swords,” said the dude.

“I shall be delighted to show them,” said the major, who was a person of great self-importance.

“Ah, this is a fine sword from the Holy Land,” said Mr. Montgomery, handling one of the blades.

“I don’t know where it came from,” said the major.  “It was presented to me by a friend from Boston.”

“That is a Russian sword,” said the dude.  “I know it by its handle.”

“That sword is from the Holy Land,” insisted Mr. Montgomery.

“Anybody is a fool to talk that way,” cried Felix Gussing.

“Ha! do you call me a fool, sir!” stormed Montgomery.

“Gentlemen!” put in the major.  “I think——­”

“I am not a fool, sir, and I want you to know it!” bellowed Ulmer Montgomery.  “It’s an outrage to call me such.  Take that, sir!” and he slapped Felix Gussing lightly on the cheek.

“Gentlemen, this must cease!” cried the major, coming between them.  “In my house, too!  Disgraceful!”

“He has got to apologize to me!” roared the dude, acting his part to perfection.

“Never!” shouted Montgomery.

“If you will not, I demand satisfaction.  I—­I will fight you in a duel.”

“A duel!”

“Yes, a duel.  Pistols, at ten paces,” went on Felix Gussing.

“Well! well!” came from the major in amazement.

“Can I do less?” demanded the would-be son-in-law.  “My honor is at stake.”

“Then stand by your honor by all means,” cried the military man, who, at times, was as hot-blooded as anybody.

During the talk the major’s daughter had come upon the scene.

“Oh, Felix, what does this mean?” she demanded.

“I am going to fight this—­this fellow a duel, pistols at ten paces,” answered Felix, firmly.

“Felix!” she gasped.  “You will not, you cannot fight.  For my sake, do not.”

“Clara,” answered the dude, smiling affectionately upon her.  “For your sake I would forego any personal gratification, but I must not suffer a stain upon the honor.”

“Well said!” exclaimed the major.  “Felix is behaving well.  I couldn’t have done better myself.  I admire his courage and I give him free permission to wed you after the—­the—­”

“But father, if he should be killed?” faltered the fair Clara.

“Never fear, Clara; all will go well,” interposed Felix.

More words followed, but the dude pretended to be stubborn and so did Ulmer Montgomery.  Both went off to arrange about the duel, and the major insisted upon it that he must be on hand to see the affair come off.

Matters were hurried along with all speed, and it was arranged that the duel should take place on the following morning at ten o’clock, in a country spot just outside of the city.  Joe was invited to go along, and carried the pistols, and two others were let into the secret, including a doctor, who went fully prepared to attend to any wounds that might be inflicted.

It did not take long to load the pistols, with powder only.  Great care was taken so that Major Sampson should not suspect the truth.

“Major,” said Felix, in a trembling voice.  “If I—­if anything serious happens to me tell Clara that—­that I died like a man.”

“Noble boy!  I will!  I will!” answered the military man.

“When I give the word, gentlemen, you will both fire!” said one of the seconds.

“Very well,” answered both of the duelists.

“Ready?  One—­two—­three—­fire!”

Both pistols were simultaneously discharged.  When the smoke cleared away it was ascertained that both parties were unharmed.

“Gentlemen, are you satisfied?” asked the seconds.

“I am,” answered Ulmer Montgomery, quickly.

“Then I shall be,” put in Felix Gussing.  “And now that this affair is at an end, Mr. Montgomery will you shake hands?” he added.

“With pleasure, Mr. Gussing!” was the reply.  “I must say in all frankness I am sorry we quarrelled in the first place.  Perhaps I was wrong about the sword.”

“And perhaps I was wrong.”

“Both of you were wrong,” put in the major.  “I hunted up the letter that came with the blade.  It is an old Spanish weapon.  Let us all call the affair off, and Mr. Montgomery shall come to Clara’s wedding to Mr. Gussing.”

“With all my heart,” cried Montgomery, and there the little plot came to a finish.