July 11th.—There has been
no rain since the day before Whitsunday, five weeks
ago, which partly, but not entirely, accounts for the
disappointment my beds have been. The dejected
gardener went mad soon after Whitsuntide, and had
to be sent to an asylum. He took to going about
with a spade in one hand and a revolver in the other,
explaining that he felt safer that way, and we bore
it quite patiently, as becomes civilised beings who
respect each other’s prejudices, until one day,
when I mildly asked him to tie up a fallen creeper—
and after he bought the revolver my tones in addressing
him were of the mildest, and I quite left off reading
to him aloud— he turned round, looked me
straight in the face for the first time since he has
been here, and said, “Do I look like Graf X-
—(a great local celebrity), or like a monkey?”
After which there was nothing for it but to get him
into an asylum as expeditiously as possible.
There was no gardener to be had in his place, and I
have only just succeeded in getting one; so that what
with the drought, and the neglect, and the gardener’s
madness, and my blunders, the garden is in a sad condition;
but even in a sad condition it is the dearest place
in the world, and all my mistakes only make me more
determined to persevere.
The long borders, where the rockets
were, are looking dreadful. The rockets have
done flowering, and, after the manner of rockets:
in other walks of life, have degenerated into sticks;
and nothing else in those borders intends to bloom
this summer. The giant poppies I had planted
out in them in April have either died off or remained
quite small, and so have the columbines; here and
there a delphinium droops unwillingly, and that is
all. I suppose poppies cannot stand being moved,
or perhaps they were not watered enough at the time
of transplanting; anyhow, those borders are going
to be sown to-morrow with more poppies for next year;
for poppies I will have, whether they like it or not,
and they shall not be touched, only thinned out.
Well, it is no use being grieved,
and after all, directly I come out and sit under the
trees, and look at the dappled sky, and see the sunshine
on the cornfields away on the plain, all the disappointment
smooths itself out, and it seems impossible to be
sad and discontented when everything about me is so
radiant and kind.
To-day is Sunday, and the garden is
so quiet, that, sitting here in this shady corner
watching the lazy shadows stretching themselves across
the grass, and listening to the rooks quarrelling in
the treetops, I almost expect to hear English church
bells ringing for the afternoon service. But
the church is three miles off, has no bells, and no
afternoon service. Once a fortnight we go to
morning prayer at eleven and sit up in a sort of private
box with a room behind, whither we can retire unobserved
when the sermon is too long or our flesh too weak,
and hear ourselves being prayed for by the blackrobed
parson. In winter the church is bitterly cold;
it is not heated, and we sit muffled up in more furs
than ever we wear out of doors ; but it would of course
be very wicked for the parson to wear furs, however
cold he may be, so he puts on a great many extra coats
under his gown, and, as the winter progresses, swells
to a prodigious size. We know when spring is
coming by the reduction in his figure. The congregation
sit at ease while the parson does the praying for
them, and while they are droning the long-drawn-out
chorales, he retires into a little wooden box just
big enough to hold him. He does not come out
until he thinks we have sung enough, nor do we stop
until his appearance gives us the signal. I have
often thought how dreadful it would be if he fell
ill in his box and left us to go on singing.
I am sure we should never dare to stop, unauthorised
by the Church. I asked him once what he did in
there; he looked very shocked at such a profane question,
and made an evasive reply.
If it were not for the garden, a German
Sunday would be a terrible day; but in the garden
on that day there is a sigh of relief and more profound
peace, nobody raking or sweeping or fidgeting; only
the little flowers themselves and the whispering trees.
I have been much afflicted again lately
by visitors— not stray callers to be got
rid of after a due administration of tea and things
you are sorry afterwards that you said, but people
staying in the house and not to be got rid of at all.
All June was lost to me in this way, and it was from
first to last a radiant month of heat and beauty;
but a garden where you meet the people you saw at
breakfast, and will see again at lunch and dinner,
is not a place to be happy in. Besides, they
had a knack of finding out my favourite seats and lounging
in them just when I longed to lounge myself; and
they took books out of the library with them, and left
them face downwards on the seats all night to get
well drenched with dew, though they might have known
that what is meat for roses is poison for books; and
they gave me to understand that if they had had the
arranging of the garden it would have been finished
long ago—whereas I don’t believe a
garden ever is finished. They have all gone now,
thank heaven, except one, so that I have a little
breathing space before others begin to arrive.
It seems that the place interests people, and that
there is a sort of novelty in staying in such a deserted
corner of the world, for they were in a perpetual
state of mild amusement at being here at all.
Irais is the only one left. She is a young
woman with a beautiful, refined face, and her eyes
and straight, fine eyebrows are particularly lovable.
At meals she dips her bread into the salt-cellar, bites
a bit off, and repeats the process, although providence
(taking my shape) has caused salt-spoons to be placed
at convenient intervals down the table. She
lunched to-day on beer, Schweine-koteletten, and cabbage-salad
with caraway seeds in it, and now I hear her through
the open window, extemporising touching melodies
in her charming, cooing voice. She is thin, frail,
intelligent, and lovable, all on the above diet.
What better proof can be needed to establish the superiority
of the Teuton than the fact that after such meals he
can produce such music? Cabbage salad is a horrid
invention, but I don’t doubt its utility as
a means of encouraging thoughtfulness; nor will I
quarrel with it, since it results so poetically, any
more than I quarrel with the manure that results in
roses, and I give it to Irais every day to make her
sing. She is the sweetest singer I have ever
heard, and has a charming trick of making up songs
as she goes along. When she begins, I go and
lean out of the window and look at my little friends
out there in the borders while listening to her music,
and feel full of pleasant sadness and regret.
It is so sweet to be sad when one has nothing to be
sad about.
The April baby came panting up just
as I had written that, the others hurrying along behind,
and with flaming cheeks displayed for my admiration
three brand-new kittens, lean and blind, that she
was carrying in her pinafore, and that had just been
found motherless in the woodshed.
“Look,” she cried breathlessly, “such
a much!”
I was glad it was only kittens this
time, for she had been once before this afternoon
on purpose, as she informed me, sitting herself down
on the grass at my feet, to ask about the lieber Gott,
it being Sunday and her pious little nurse’s
conversation having run, as it seems, on heaven and
angels.
Her questions about the lieber Gott
are better left unrecorded, and I was relieved when
she began about the angels.
“What do they wear for clothes?”
she asked in her German-English.
“Why, you’ve seen them
in pictures,” I answered, “in beautiful,
long dresses, and with big, white wings.”
“Feathers?” she asked.
“I suppose so,—and long dresses,
all white and beautiful.”
“Are they girlies?”
“Girls? Ye—es.”
“Don’t boys go into the Himmel?”
“Yes, of course, if they’re good.”
“And then what do they wear?”
“Why, the same as all the other angels, I suppose.”
“Dwesses?”
She began to laugh, looking at me
sideways as though she suspected me of making jokes.
“What a funny Mummy!” she said, evidently
much amused. She has a fat little laugh that
is very infectious.
“I think,” said I, gravely,
“you had better go and play with the other babies.”
She did not answer, and sat still
a moment watching the clouds. I began writing
again.
“Mummy,” she said presently.
“Well?”
“Where do the angels get their dwesses?”
I hesitated. “From lieber Gott,”
I said.
“Are there shops in the Himmel?”
“Shops? No.”
“But, then, where does lieber Gott buy their
dwesses?”
“Now run away like a good baby; I’m busy.”
“But you said yesterday, when
I asked about lieber Gott, that you would tell about
Him on Sunday, and it is Sunday. Tell me a story
about Him.”
There was nothing for it but resignation, so I put
down my pencil with a sigh. “Call the
others, then.”
She ran away, and presently they all
three emerged from the bushes one after the other,
and tried all together to scramble on to my knee.
The April baby got the knee as she always seems to
get everything, and the other two had to sit on the
grass.
I began about Adam and Eve, with an
eye to future parsonic probings. The April baby’s
eyes opened wider and wider, and her face grew redder
and redder. I was surprised at the breathless
interest she took in the story— the other
two were tearing up tufts of grass and hardly listening.
I had scarcely got to the angels with the flaming swords
and announced that that was all, when she burst out,
“Now I’ll tell about it. Once upon
a time there was Adam and Eva, and they had plenty
of clothes, and there was no snake, and lieber Gott
wasn’t angry with them, and they could eat as
many apples as they liked, and was happy for ever
and ever—there now!”
She began to jump up and down defiantly on my knee.
“But that’s not the story,” I said
rather helplessly.
“Yes, yes! It’s a much nicelier
one! Now another.”
“But these stories are true,”
I said severely; “and it’s no use my telling
them if you make them up your own way afterwards.”
“Another! another!” she
shrieked, jumping up and down with redoubled energy,
all her silvery curls flying.
I began about Noah and the flood.
“Did it rain so badly?”
she asked with a face of the deepest concern and interest.
“Yes, all day long and all night
long for weeks and weeks— —”
“And was everybody so wet?”
“Yes—”
“But why didn’t they open their umbwellas?”
Just then I saw the nurse coming out with the tea-tray.
“I’ll tell you the rest
another time,” I said, putting her off my knee,
greatly relieved; “you must all go to Anna now
and have tea.”
“I don’t like Anna,”
remarked the June baby, not having hitherto opened
her lips; “she is a stupid girl.”
The other two stood transfixed with
horror at this statement, for, besides being naturally
extremely polite, and at all times anxious not to
hurt any one’s feelings, they had been brought
up to love and respect their kind little nurse.
The April baby recovered her speech
first, and lifting her finger, pointed it at the criminal
in just indignation. “Such a child will
never go into the Himmel,” she said with great
emphasis, and the air of one who delivers judgment.