Babbit

THE towers of Zenith aspired above the morning mist; austere towers of
steel and cement and limestone, sturdy as cliffs and delicate as
silver rods.  They were neither citadels nor churches, but frankly and
beautifully office-buildings.

The mist took pity on the fretted structures of earlier generations:  the
Post Office with its shingle-tortured mansard, the red brick minarets
of hulking old houses, factories with stingy and sooted windows, wooden
tenements colored like mud.  The city was full of such grotesqueries, but
the clean towers were thrusting them from the business center, and
on the farther hills were shining new houses, homes—­they seemed—­for
laughter and tranquillity.

Over a concrete bridge fled a limousine of long sleek hood and noiseless
engine.  These people in evening clothes were returning from an all-night
rehearsal of a Little Theater play, an artistic adventure considerably
illuminated by champagne.  Below the bridge curved a railroad, a maze
of green and crimson lights.  The New York Flyer boomed past, and twenty
lines of polished steel leaped into the glare.

In one of the skyscrapers the wires of the Associated Press were closing
down.  The telegraph operators wearily raised their celluloid eye-shades
after a night of talking with Paris and Peking.  Through the building
crawled the scrubwomen, yawning, their old shoes slapping.  The dawn mist
spun away.  Cues of men with lunch-boxes clumped toward the immensity of
new factories, sheets of glass and hollow tile, glittering shops where
five thousand men worked beneath one roof, pouring out the honest wares
that would be sold up the Euphrates and across the veldt.  The whistles
rolled out in greeting a chorus cheerful as the April dawn; the song of
labor in a city built—­it seemed—­for giants.

II

There was nothing of the giant in the aspect of the man who was
beginning to awaken on the sleeping-porch of a Dutch Colonial house in
that residential district of Zenith known as Floral Heights.

His name was George F. Babbitt.  He was forty-six years old now, in
April, 1920, and he made nothing in particular, neither butter nor shoes
nor poetry, but he was nimble in the calling of selling houses for more
than people could afford to pay.

His large head was pink, his brown hair thin and dry.  His face was
babyish in slumber, despite his wrinkles and the red spectacle-dents on
the slopes of his nose.  He was not fat but he was exceedingly well fed;
his cheeks were pads, and the unroughened hand which lay helpless upon
the khaki-colored blanket was slightly puffy.  He seemed prosperous,
extremely married and unromantic; and altogether unromantic appeared
this sleeping-porch, which looked on one sizable elm, two respectable
grass-plots, a cement driveway, and a corrugated iron garage.  Yet
Babbitt was again dreaming of the fairy child, a dream more romantic
than scarlet pagodas by a silver sea.

For years the fairy child had come to him.  Where others saw but Georgie
Babbitt, she discerned gallant youth.  She waited for him, in the
darkness beyond mysterious groves.  When at last he could slip away from
the crowded house he darted to her.  His wife, his clamoring friends,
sought to follow, but he escaped, the girl fleet beside him, and they
crouched together on a shadowy hillside.  She was so slim, so white, so
eager!  She cried that he was gay and valiant, that she would wait for
him, that they would sail—­

Rumble and bang of the milk-truck.

Babbitt moaned; turned over; struggled back toward his dream.  He could
see only her face now, beyond misty waters.  The furnace-man slammed the
basement door.  A dog barked in the next yard.  As Babbitt sank blissfully
into a dim warm tide, the paper-carrier went by whistling, and the
rolled-up Advocate thumped the front door.  Babbitt roused, his stomach
constricted with alarm.  As he relaxed, he was pierced by the familiar
and irritating rattle of some one cranking a Ford:  snap-ah-ah,
snap-ah-ah, snap-ah-ah.  Himself a pious motorist, Babbitt cranked with
the unseen driver, with him waited through taut hours for the roar of
the starting engine, with him agonized as the roar ceased and again
began the infernal patient snap-ah-ah—­a round, flat sound, a shivering
cold-morning sound, a sound infuriating and inescapable.  Not till the
rising voice of the motor told him that the Ford was moving was he
released from the panting tension.  He glanced once at his favorite tree,
elm twigs against the gold patina of sky, and fumbled for sleep as for a
drug.  He who had been a boy very credulous of life was no longer greatly
interested in the possible and improbable adventures of each new day.

He escaped from reality till the alarm-clock rang, at seven-twenty.

III

It was the best of nationally advertised and quantitatively produced
alarm-clocks, with all modern attachments, including cathedral chime,
intermittent alarm, and a phosphorescent dial.  Babbitt was proud
of being awakened by such a rich device.  Socially it was almost as
creditable as buying expensive cord tires.

He sulkily admitted now that there was no more escape, but he lay and
detested the grind of the real-estate business, and disliked his family,
and disliked himself for disliking them.  The evening before, he had
played poker at Vergil Gunch’s till midnight, and after such holidays
he was irritable before breakfast.  It may have been the tremendous
home-brewed beer of the prohibition-era and the cigars to which that
beer enticed him; it may have been resentment of return from this fine,
bold man-world to a restricted region of wives and stenographers, and of
suggestions not to smoke so much.

From the bedroom beside the sleeping-porch, his wife’s detestably
cheerful “Time to get up, Georgie boy,” and the itchy sound, the brisk
and scratchy sound, of combing hairs out of a stiff brush.

He grunted; he dragged his thick legs, in faded baby-blue pajamas, from
under the khaki blanket; he sat on the edge of the cot, running his
fingers through his wild hair, while his plump feet mechanically felt
for his slippers.  He looked regretfully at the blanket—­forever a
suggestion to him of freedom and heroism.  He had bought it for a camping
trip which had never come off.  It symbolized gorgeous loafing, gorgeous
cursing, virile flannel shirts.

He creaked to his feet, groaning at the waves of pain which passed
behind his eyeballs.  Though he waited for their scorching recurrence, he
looked blurrily out at the yard.  It delighted him, as always; it was
the neat yard of a successful business man of Zenith, that is, it was
perfection, and made him also perfect.  He regarded the corrugated
iron garage.  For the three-hundred-and-sixty-fifth time in a year he
reflected, “No class to that tin shack.  Have to build me a frame garage. 
But by golly it’s the only thing on the place that isn’t up-to-date!”
While he stared he thought of a community garage for his acreage
development, Glen Oriole.  He stopped puffing and jiggling.  His arms were
akimbo.  His petulant, sleep-swollen face was set in harder lines.  He
suddenly seemed capable, an official, a man to contrive, to direct, to
get things done.

On the vigor of his idea he was carried down the hard, dean,
unused-looking hall into the bathroom.

Though the house was not large it had, like all houses on Floral
Heights, an altogether royal bathroom of porcelain and glazed tile and
metal sleek as silver.  The towel-rack was a rod of clear glass set in
nickel.  The tub was long enough for a Prussian Guard, and above the
set bowl was a sensational exhibit of tooth-brush holder, shaving-brush
holder, soap-dish, sponge-dish, and medicine-cabinet, so glittering and
so ingenious that they resembled an electrical instrument-board.  But the
Babbitt whose god was Modern Appliances was not pleased.  The air of the
bathroom was thick with the smell of a heathen toothpaste.  “Verona been
at it again!  ’Stead of sticking to Lilidol, like I’ve re-peat-ed-ly
asked her, she’s gone and gotten some confounded stinkum stuff that
makes you sick!”

The bath-mat was wrinkled and the floor was wet. (His daughter Verona
eccentrically took baths in the morning, now and then.) He slipped on
the mat, and slid against the tub.  He said “Damn!” Furiously he snatched
up his tube of shaving-cream, furiously he lathered, with a belligerent
slapping of the unctuous brush, furiously he raked his plump cheeks
with a safety-razor.  It pulled.  The blade was dull.  He said,
“Damn—­oh—­oh—­damn it!”

He hunted through the medicine-cabinet for a packet of new razor-blades
(reflecting, as invariably, “Be cheaper to buy one of these dinguses and
strop your own blades,”) and when he discovered the packet, behind the
round box of bicarbonate of soda, he thought ill of his wife for putting
it there and very well of himself for not saying “Damn.”  But he did say
it, immediately afterward, when with wet and soap-slippery fingers he
tried to remove the horrible little envelope and crisp clinging oiled
paper from the new blade.  Then there was the problem, oft-pondered,
never solved, of what to do with the old blade, which might imperil
the fingers of his young.  As usual, he tossed it on top of the
medicine-cabinet, with a mental note that some day he must remove the
fifty or sixty other blades that were also temporarily, piled up there. 
He finished his shaving in a growing testiness increased by his spinning
headache and by the emptiness in his stomach.  When he was done, his
round face smooth and streamy and his eyes stinging from soapy water,
he reached for a towel.  The family towels were wet, wet and clammy and
vile, all of them wet, he found, as he blindly snatched them—­his
own face-towel, his wife’s, Verona’s, Ted’s, Tinka’s, and the lone
bath-towel with the huge welt of initial.  Then George F. Babbitt did
a dismaying thing.  He wiped his face on the guest-towel!  It was a
pansy-embroidered trifle which always hung there to indicate that the
Babbitts were in the best Floral Heights society.  No one had ever used
it.  No guest had ever dared to.  Guests secretively took a corner of the
nearest regular towel.

He was raging, “By golly, here they go and use up all the towels, every
doggone one of ’em, and they use ’em and get ’em all wet and sopping,
and never put out a dry one for me—­of course, I’m the goat!—­and then
I want one and—­I’m the only person in the doggone house that’s got
the slightest doggone bit of consideration for other people and
thoughtfulness and consider there may be others that may want to use the
doggone bathroom after me and consider—­”

He was pitching the chill abominations into the bath-tub, pleased by
the vindictiveness of that desolate flapping sound; and in the midst his
wife serenely trotted in, observed serenely, “Why Georgie dear, what are
you doing?  Are you going to wash out the towels?  Why, you needn’t wash
out the towels.  Oh, Georgie, you didn’t go and use the guest-towel, did
you?”

It is not recorded that he was able to answer.

For the first time in weeks he was sufficiently roused by his wife to
look at her.

IV

Myra Babbitt—­Mrs. George F. Babbitt—­was definitely mature.  She had
creases from the corners of her mouth to the bottom of her chin, and her
plump neck bagged.  But the thing that marked her as having passed the
line was that she no longer had reticences before her husband, and no
longer worried about not having reticences.  She was in a petticoat now,
and corsets which bulged, and unaware of being seen in bulgy corsets. 
She had become so dully habituated to married life that in her full
matronliness she was as sexless as an anemic nun.  She was a good woman,
a kind woman, a diligent woman, but no one, save perhaps Tinka her
ten-year-old, was at all interested in her or entirely aware that she
was alive.

After a rather thorough discussion of all the domestic and social
aspects of towels she apologized to Babbitt for his having an alcoholic
headache; and he recovered enough to endure the search for a B.V.D.
undershirt which had, he pointed out, malevolently been concealed among
his clean pajamas.

He was fairly amiable in the conference on the brown suit.

“What do you think, Myra?” He pawed at the clothes hunched on a chair in
their bedroom, while she moved about mysteriously adjusting and patting
her petticoat and, to his jaundiced eye, never seeming to get on with
her dressing.  “How about it?  Shall I wear the brown suit another day?”

“Well, it looks awfully nice on you.”

“I know, but gosh, it needs pressing.”

“That’s so.  Perhaps it does.”

“It certainly could stand being pressed, all right.”

“Yes, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt it to be pressed.”

“But gee, the coat doesn’t need pressing.  No sense in having the whole
darn suit pressed, when the coat doesn’t need it.”

“That’s so.”

“But the pants certainly need it, all right.  Look at them—­look at those
wrinkles—­the pants certainly do need pressing.”

“That’s so.  Oh, Georgie, why couldn’t you wear the brown coat with the
blue trousers we were wondering what we’d do with them?”

“Good Lord!  Did you ever in all my life know me to wear the coat of
one suit and the pants of another?  What do you think I am?  A busted
bookkeeper?”

“Well, why don’t you put on the dark gray suit to-day, and stop in at
the tailor and leave the brown trousers?”

“Well, they certainly need—­Now where the devil is that gray suit?  Oh,
yes, here we are.”

He was able to get through the other crises of dressing with comparative
resoluteness and calm.

His first adornment was the sleeveless dimity B.V.D. undershirt, in
which he resembled a small boy humorlessly wearing a cheesecloth tabard
at a civic pageant.  He never put on B.V.D.’s without thanking the God of
Progress that he didn’t wear tight, long, old-fashioned undergarments,
like his father-in-law and partner, Henry Thompson.  His second
embellishment was combing and slicking back his hair.  It gave him a
tremendous forehead, arching up two inches beyond the former hair-line. 
But most wonder-working of all was the donning of his spectacles.

There is character in spectacles—­the pretentious tortoiseshell, the
meek pince-nez of the school teacher, the twisted silver-framed glasses
of the old villager.  Babbitt’s spectacles had huge, circular, frameless
lenses of the very best glass; the ear-pieces were thin bars of gold.  In
them he was the modern business man; one who gave orders to clerks and
drove a car and played occasional golf and was scholarly in regard to
Salesmanship.  His head suddenly appeared not babyish but weighty, and
you noted his heavy, blunt nose, his straight mouth and thick, long
upper lip, his chin overfleshy but strong; with respect you beheld him
put on the rest of his uniform as a Solid Citizen.

The gray suit was well cut, well made, and completely undistinguished. 
It was a standard suit.  White piping on the V of the vest added a flavor
of law and learning.  His shoes were black laced boots, good boots,
honest boots, standard boots, extraordinarily uninteresting boots. 
The only frivolity was in his purple knitted scarf.  With considerable
comment on the matter to Mrs. Babbitt (who, acrobatically fastening the
back of her blouse to her skirt with a safety-pin, did not hear a word
he said), he chose between the purple scarf and a tapestry effect
with stringless brown harps among blown palms, and into it he thrust a
snake-head pin with opal eyes.

A sensational event was changing from the brown suit to the gray the
contents of his pockets.  He was earnest about these objects.  They were
of eternal importance, like baseball or the Republican Party.  They
included a fountain pen and a silver pencil (always lacking a supply of
new leads) which belonged in the righthand upper vest pocket.  Without
them he would have felt naked.  On his watch-chain were a gold penknife,
silver cigar-cutter, seven keys (the use of two of which he had
forgotten), and incidentally a good watch.  Depending from the chain was
a large, yellowish elk’s-tooth-proclamation of his membership in the
Brotherly and Protective Order of Elks.  Most significant of all was his
loose-leaf pocket note-book, that modern and efficient note-book
which contained the addresses of people whom he had forgotten, prudent
memoranda of postal money-orders which had reached their destinations
months ago, stamps which had lost their mucilage, clippings of verses by
T. Cholmondeley Frink and of the newspaper editorials from which Babbitt
got his opinions and his polysyllables, notes to be sure and do things
which he did not intend to do, and one curious inscription—­D.S.S. 
D.M.Y.P.D.F.

But he had no cigarette-case.  No one had ever happened to give him
one, so he hadn’t the habit, and people who carried cigarette-cases he
regarded as effeminate.

Last, he stuck in his lapel the Boosters’ Club button.  With the
conciseness of great art the button displayed two words:  “Boosters-Pep!”
It made Babbitt feel loyal and important.  It associated him with Good
Fellows, with men who were nice and human, and important in business
circles.  It was his V.C., his Legion of Honor ribbon, his Phi Beta Kappa
key.

With the subtleties of dressing ran other complex worries.  “I feel kind
of punk this morning,” he said.  “I think I had too much dinner last
evening.  You oughtn’t to serve those heavy banana fritters.”

“But you asked me to have some.”

“I know, but—­I tell you, when a fellow gets past forty he has to look
after his digestion.  There’s a lot of fellows that don’t take proper
care of themselves.  I tell you at forty a man’s a fool or his doctor—­I
mean, his own doctor.  Folks don’t give enough attention to this matter
of dieting.  Now I think—­Course a man ought to have a good meal after
the day’s work, but it would be a good thing for both of us if we took
lighter lunches.”

“But Georgie, here at home I always do have a light lunch.”

“Mean to imply I make a hog of myself, eating down-town?  Yes, sure! 
You’d have a swell time if you had to eat the truck that new steward
hands out to us at the Athletic Club!  But I certainly do feel out of
sorts, this morning.  Funny, got a pain down here on the left side—­but
no, that wouldn’t be appendicitis, would it?  Last night, when I was
driving over to Verg Gunch’s, I felt a pain in my stomach, too.  Right
here it was—­kind of a sharp shooting pain.  I—­Where’d that dime go to? 
Why don’t you serve more prunes at breakfast?  Of course I eat an apple
every evening—­an apple a day keeps the doctor away—­but still, you
ought to have more prunes, and not all these fancy doodads.”

“The last time I had prunes you didn’t eat them.”

“Well, I didn’t feel like eating ’em, I suppose.  Matter of fact, I think
I did eat some of ’em.  Anyway—­I tell you it’s mighty important to—­I
was saying to Verg Gunch, just last evening, most people don’t take
sufficient care of their diges—­”

“Shall we have the Gunches for our dinner, next week?”

“Why sure; you bet.”

“Now see here, George:  I want you to put on your nice dinner-jacket that
evening.”

“Rats!  The rest of ’em won’t want to dress.”

“Of course they will.  You remember when you didn’t dress for the
Littlefields’ supper-party, and all the rest did, and how embarrassed
you were.”

“Embarrassed, hell!  I wasn’t embarrassed.  Everybody knows I can put
on as expensive a Tux. as anybody else, and I should worry if I don’t
happen to have it on sometimes.  All a darn nuisance, anyway.  All right
for a woman, that stays around the house all the time, but when a
fellow’s worked like the dickens all day, he doesn’t want to go and
hustle his head off getting into the soup-and-fish for a lot of folks
that he’s seen in just reg’lar ordinary clothes that same day.”

“You know you enjoy being seen in one.  The other evening you admitted
you were glad I’d insisted on your dressing.  You said you felt a lot
better for it.  And oh, Georgie, I do wish you wouldn’t say ‘Tux.’  It’s
‘dinner-jacket.’”

“Rats, what’s the odds?”

“Well, it’s what all the nice folks say.  Suppose Lucile McKelvey heard
you calling it a ‘Tux.’”

“Well, that’s all right now!  Lucile McKelvey can’t pull anything on
me!  Her folks are common as mud, even if her husband and her dad are
millionaires!  I suppose you’re trying to rub in your exalted social
position!  Well, let me tell you that your revered paternal ancestor,
Henry T., doesn’t even call it a ‘Tux.’!  He calls it a ’bobtail jacket
for a ringtail monkey,’ and you couldn’t get him into one unless you
chloroformed him!”

“Now don’t be horrid, George.”

“Well, I don’t want to be horrid, but Lord! you’re getting as fussy as
Verona.  Ever since she got out of college she’s been too rambunctious
to live with—­doesn’t know what she wants—­well, I know what she
wants!—­all she wants is to marry a millionaire, and live in Europe,
and hold some preacher’s hand, and simultaneously at the same time stay
right here in Zenith and be some blooming kind of a socialist agitator
or boss charity-worker or some damn thing!  Lord, and Ted is just as bad! 
He wants to go to college, and he doesn’t want to go to college. 
Only one of the three that knows her own mind is Tinka.  Simply can’t
understand how I ever came to have a pair of shillyshallying children
like Rone and Ted.  I may not be any Rockefeller or James J. Shakespeare,
but I certainly do know my own mind, and I do keep right on plugging
along in the office and—­Do you know the latest?  Far as I can figure
out, Ted’s new bee is he’d like to be a movie actor and—­And here I’ve
told him a hundred times, if he’ll go to college and law-school and
make good, I’ll set him up in business and—­Verona just exactly as bad. 
Doesn’t know what she wants.  Well, well, come on!  Aren’t you ready yet? 
The girl rang the bell three minutes ago.”

V

Before he followed his wife, Babbitt stood at the westernmost window of their room.  This residential settlement, Floral Heights, was on a rise; and though the center of the city was three miles away—­Zenith had between three and four hundred thousand inhabitants now—­he could see the top of the Second National Tower, an Indiana limestone building of thirty-five stories.

Its shining walls rose against April sky to a simple cornice like a streak of white fire.  Integrity was in the tower, and decision.  It bore its strength lightly as a tall soldier.  As Babbitt stared, the nervousness was soothed from his face, his slack chin lifted in reverence.  All he articulated was “That’s one lovely sight!” but he was inspired by the rhythm of the city; his love of it renewed.  He beheld the tower as a temple-spire of the religion of business, a faith passionate, exalted, surpassing common men; and as he clumped down to breakfast he whistled the ballad “Oh, by gee, by gosh, by jingo” as though it were a hymn melancholy and noble.